The poem is alright. I think it could be more condensed, or subtle. How literate you are is equal to the amount of life you can reflect in the smallest amount of words. Keep working on it. Also, I'd start looking at your part in everything and stop worying about how the exterior world effects you, destroy some character defects. Seeing your part is also knowing what you can control, and it takes more then the other person to be dysfunctional.

Okay, well I read the supposedly depressing one. This one is much better, and the edited version of this one kicks the originals ass. Keep at it. Work on condensing and depth. so, another note, what would you be getting out of this chick you can't get yourself?

Ah-ha-ahahahaha! I can't help having a sense of humor. I think it has pretty words, I didn't examine it close enough but possibly well use of diction. Is this extended metaphor?

i agree with you completely, although she already edited it

yeah its an extended metaphor. the demon is the corrupter of the others' mind [the converter, not the original poet]. the mask is the person who lets no one in, who shows no emotion to the outside world. the mask was shattered when the author of the converter version cried, and the latter let them into their life again. the ink from the Iris' are exactly what they are; dark colored eyes.

I really enjoyed the lyrics, they're strong and the imagery is right on.

Ink from two irises I see,
staring intently at me.

That is my favorite line

I understand where you are coming from (OP), but I've never really been able to write about it, because the emotions stop me from writing well (which seems like the opposite should happen). It's a good effort, but it definitely could be improved. (I didn't kiss my best friend, but laying on him and holding hands and him continually lying really crushed my feelings)

are you saying your g**? or are you a girl. hmm. cause most of us talk about homo experiences, as far as i can tell

wooow sense when did the word for guy homos and also happines [lol] start getting bleeped. ****!!!

Wow, I suddenly have more respect for the poem/song.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.