HOLY S*** I'M JEALOUS!!! I can't use the original anymore... I've been beat... I have no talent anyways oh well.

Smile and while?

Something like that?

She's shy and self-conscious
not ready to come out
but I'll sit her down and say
we've got a lot to talk about

That's the only part worth keeping.
Learn from that part and rewrite the rest using the same structure.

Really? I think it's a tad corny sounding. My favorite part is:

...and that isn't corny? :laughing:

>.< I still like it. =[

:laughing:

On another note, his lyrics remind me of a horrid new song off of Nickelback's latest album.

I think the lyrics are;

"I'd come for you
No one, but you
Yes, I'd come for you
But only if you want me to"

Something tells me he probably had this stuck in his head as he was writing.
Listen to the song "I'd Come For You".......I bet you will agree with me.

Oh goodness.

My ex-drummer is obsessed with that band.

I liked:
And hated:
If your turning this into a song, replacing that with a chorus would be good. Overall though it wasn't that bad.

I love the band, myself.
I despise alot of their really poppy and cheesey songs like that one, though.