your poems are not depressing they are just bad

please know, i am no song writer, i am no poet, i am but nothing -- so take that in consideration before you tell me how much i suck

and then let me have it even more


here's my take on this:

don't look at the clock
nothing can move there is no time
pounding cold won't calm my soul
at the window again
at the window again

{chorus}
who am i if i can't sleep
if i can't dream
if you won't come close to open me
who am i if i can't sleep
if i can't dream
if you won't speak to silence me

i'll create my world of false security
rain rain rainbows at midnight

don't look at the clock
my fears collide too much to kill
lay down all hope all possibility
boredom slowing burning me
boredom slowing burning me

{chorus}

i'll create my world of false serenity
rain rain rainbows at midnight

i toss i turn i can't calm it down
can't keep wishing you were coming 'round
if you could care even enough to punish me
if i had something left i'd let you break it back inside of me
inside of me to die

{chorus}

i'll create my world of false identity
rain rain rainbows at midnight

i toss i turn i can't calm it down
can't keep wishing you were coming 'round
if you could care even enough to humor me
if i had something left i'd let you break it back inside of me
inside of me to strive

No you're wrong. They're depressingly bad.

construktive? wuts that lol

:clap:

Sigh, I suppose it will occur sooner or later...

I like this one a lot better than the other one. It's more poetic.

Although I don't feel I've the right to criticize someone who is so much like myself.

But it is very good.

Best Part:
especially the last line, excellent

Awful Part :( :
make it snappy??
I cringed.. yikes!

True. =P

Making it snappy is very... cartoon like.

ya that one sucked I hate it but i didn't know what else to put there