The English Football Thread

Urban Hat€monger ? · 05-12-2006, 06:24 PM

Found this on Football365.com

Young Theo Walcott: A Tabloid Guide

Isn't it amazing that people who are born later are actually younger? That's the gist of the tabloids' coverage of Theo Walcott's call-up to the World Cup squad. To save them the trouble, we've written a Theo guide...

1) When silly Gareth Southgate missed that fateful penalty back in Euro 1996, Theo's dad, 47, was at INFANT SCHOOL!

2) Teammate Gary Neville is old enough to be his DAD (in Blair's Britain where one in two 14-year-olds are fathers).

3) By the time Theo is the same age as the squad's oldest member David James, footballers will have been replaced by super-intelligent ROBOTS that can hover in the AIR!!

4) Theo's pretty girlfriend Melanie Slade is not yet old enough to be officially leered over by us...but the clock's ticking.

5) Theo's not old enough to DRINK, VOTE or have ANAL SEX...

6) ...but he is young enough to wear a HOODY, become OBESE from his school dinners or be preyed upon by one of Britain's eight million PAEDOS.

7) When Michael Owen was the same age as Theo, a pint of beer cost a shilling, a family's weekly shop cost 65p and SMALLPOX killed one infant in three.

8) Theo will need an interpreter with him at England squad meetings - he is unfamiliar with standard English and communicates only via TEXT message, podcast and MOBILE ringtones (which you can buy via our website).

9) When captain David Beckham was fathering his first child, Theo's BALLS hadn't even dropped!!

10) When Sven-Goran Eriksson was born, Theo WASN'T!!!

right-track · 05-17-2006, 12:39 PM

Good Luck Arsenal.

adidasss · 05-17-2006, 01:41 PM

fuck!!
c'mon on Barcelona!!! you can do it ( for fuck sake, they've got one more player! )

adidasss · 05-17-2006, 03:36 PM

ahhh...for a minute there i thought they weren't gonna do it....i'm well pleased....up yours england!!

right-track · 05-17-2006, 03:46 PM

You are a sad twat aren't you Marijan.

You reduce yourself to being a Spaniard by proxy, because Croatian league football is shite.

To send a goalie off in the first 15 minutes of a European Cup Final...stinks.

Now I'm no Arsenal fan, but surely the ref could have allowed the goal to stand and leave the keeper on the pitch. Euro conspiracy. A fucking disgrace.

It's an act of war.

Sneer · 05-17-2006, 04:01 PM

being an arsenal fan...i want to destroy that referee.

Urban Hat€monger ? · 05-17-2006, 04:02 PM

Arsenal did pretty well to say it was 10 vs 12

adidasss · 05-17-2006, 04:03 PM

oh give me a break, the rules are the ruels, he tackled the man with a clear shot for a goal....a clear cut case of a red card if i ever saw one and i don't think anyone can contest that...

right-track · 05-17-2006, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger

Arsenal did pretty well to say it was 10 vs 12

13 if that Barcelona shirt wearing linesman had been allowed to officiate.

Sneer · 05-17-2006, 04:05 PM

you can contest it when the ball ends up in the back of the net anyway. Ever heard of a concept called "playing advantage?" seems to happen everywhere else on the pitch so why not there? it was a european cup final for gods sake, a bit of intelligence would of gone down well.

05-12-2006, 06:24 PM	#481 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	Found this on Football365.com Young Theo Walcott: A Tabloid Guide Isn't it amazing that people who are born later are actually younger? That's the gist of the tabloids' coverage of Theo Walcott's call-up to the World Cup squad. To save them the trouble, we've written a Theo guide... 1) When silly Gareth Southgate missed that fateful penalty back in Euro 1996, Theo's dad, 47, was at INFANT SCHOOL! 2) Teammate Gary Neville is old enough to be his DAD (in Blair's Britain where one in two 14-year-olds are fathers). 3) By the time Theo is the same age as the squad's oldest member David James, footballers will have been replaced by super-intelligent ROBOTS that can hover in the AIR!! 4) Theo's pretty girlfriend Melanie Slade is not yet old enough to be officially leered over by us...but the clock's ticking. 5) Theo's not old enough to DRINK, VOTE or have ANAL SEX... 6) ...but he is young enough to wear a HOODY, become OBESE from his school dinners or be preyed upon by one of Britain's eight million PAEDOS. 7) When Michael Owen was the same age as Theo, a pint of beer cost a shilling, a family's weekly shop cost 65p and SMALLPOX killed one infant in three. 8) Theo will need an interpreter with him at England squad meetings - he is unfamiliar with standard English and communicates only via TEXT message, podcast and MOBILE ringtones (which you can buy via our website). 9) When captain David Beckham was fathering his first child, Theo's BALLS hadn't even dropped!! 10) When Sven-Goran Eriksson was born, Theo WASN'T!!! __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

05-17-2006, 01:41 PM	#483 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	fuck!! c'mon on Barcelona!!! you can do it ( for fuck sake, they've got one more player! ) __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm

05-17-2006, 03:36 PM	#484 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	ahhh...for a minute there i thought they weren't gonna do it....i'm well pleased....up yours england!! __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm

05-17-2006, 04:01 PM	#486 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	being an arsenal fan...i want to destroy that referee. __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show

05-17-2006, 04:02 PM	#487 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	Arsenal did pretty well to say it was 10 vs 12 __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

05-17-2006, 12:39 PM	#482 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	Good Luck Arsenal.

05-17-2006, 03:46 PM	#485 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	You are a sad twat aren't you Marijan. You reduce yourself to being a Spaniard by proxy, because Croatian league football is shite. To send a goalie off in the first 15 minutes of a European Cup Final...stinks. Now I'm no Arsenal fan, but surely the ref could have allowed the goal to stand and leave the keeper on the pitch. Euro conspiracy. A fucking disgrace. It's an act of war.

05-17-2006, 04:03 PM	#488 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	oh give me a break, the rules are the ruels, he tackled the man with a clear shot for a goal....a clear cut case of a red card if i ever saw one and i don't think anyone can contest that... __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm

05-17-2006, 04:05 PM	#490 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	you can contest it when the ball ends up in the back of the net anyway. Ever heard of a concept called "playing advantage?" seems to happen everywhere else on the pitch so why not there? it was a european cup final for gods sake, a bit of intelligence would of gone down well. __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show