some songs i wrote that you probably wont like but... (hardcore, house)

tdoc210 · 08-26-2005, 02:25 PM

LEFT
: why why why
been left by myself
execpt for one
daddys gone away
insanity
: screammm the pain
whyy why
: was it me
: who
dont call me a prat
im no a ****ing brat
stay away leave me alone all in my room
save me
save me

R.I.P YOU

i wanna rip them all to shreds
like a ****in rag doll
they are all bitches whining and tearing
im gonna wreck my life
i hate them rench them through
they por acid in my wounds
: take me away
sanity
i hid undere my shed
: wishing they were dead
just running from my feelings

tdoc210 · 08-26-2005, 03:26 PM

please post comments

DontRunMeOver · 09-29-2005, 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the death of capitilism

please post comments

Hi Death. I took the time to actually read all of lyrics and have to say that 'Left', 'RIP you' and 'Scream' really didn't read well on their own, 'Lost' was much better. The main difference seemed to be that Lost came across as more of a conversation with another person (well it was a series of directions really) which meant that the reader's a bit more able to get involved with the words. It was more like you were saying that the reader themselves was the character in the lyric, not the singer. The other songs just came across as somebody shouting about themselves in an inarticulate way, so that it was difficult to see what the lyricist was talking about and no incentive was given for the reader/listener to try to understand what the lyricist was saying.

If you want people to be interested in your lyrics then you should first think about WHY they would be interested in the first place and what they would get from it.

Hope that helps.

tdoc210 · 08-26-2005, 03:37 PM

lost

look see theve gone away

go live by the rive
watch the fish
they are dying
as you watch the days
you realize you have to die
everything dies
school came and went
met some friends of your own
they are not cleancut
yourlifes in the garbage
stare at the ground your lost
lost
lost
lost
forever gone
keep you away
keep him away
go away
ahhhhhhhh
die die die
rest rest
in my wooden box
im as happy as anyone could be

SCREAM

ahhhhrgrgrg
i hate you
get the **** away
leave me alone
go to my room
liten to you scream
but you arnt a person
your my past i just want to ****in
SCREEEEEEEAMM
scream
i wanna die and be alone
kill me please

anticipation · 08-27-2005, 10:53 AM

that is straight up e to the mo.

tdoc210 · 08-27-2005, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gentleman Johnny

that is straight up e to the mo.

definitly not try post hardcore or screamo

TheBig3 · 08-27-2005, 04:22 PM

Death, words are not songs, and if you want peoples opinions, don't be so combative with them.

~~deadkennedyspunk~~ · 08-27-2005, 04:30 PM

ok but its definatley not meant to be emo

TheBig3 · 08-27-2005, 04:45 PM

dual accounts?

tdoc210 · 08-27-2005, 05:16 PM

^ no thats my friend he typed for me i was accidentley logged on to his at his house when i was viewing this sorry ill have my friend delete that

08-26-2005, 02:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
tdoc210 ashes against the grain Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: new hampsha Posts: 2,608	some songs i wrote that you probably wont like but... LEFT : why why why been left by myself execpt for one daddys gone away insanity : screammm the pain whyy why : was it me : who dont call me a prat im no a **ing brat stay away leave me alone all in my room save me save me R.I.P YOU i wanna rip them all to shreds like a **in rag doll they are all bitches whining and tearing im gonna wreck my life i hate them rench them through they por acid in my wounds : take me away sanity i hid undere my shed : wishing they were dead just running from my feelings __________________ We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.

08-26-2005, 03:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
tdoc210 ashes against the grain Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: new hampsha Posts: 2,608	please post comments __________________ We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.

08-26-2005, 03:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
tdoc210 ashes against the grain Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: new hampsha Posts: 2,608	lost look see theve gone away go live by the rive watch the fish they are dying as you watch the days you realize you have to die everything dies school came and went met some friends of your own they are not cleancut yourlifes in the garbage stare at the ground your lost lost lost lost forever gone keep you away keep him away go away ahhhhhhhh die die die rest rest in my wooden box im as happy as anyone could be SCREAM ahhhhrgrgrg i hate you get the ** away leave me alone go to my room liten to you scream but you arnt a person your my past i just want to **in SCREEEEEEEAMM scream i wanna die and be alone kill me please __________________ We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.

08-27-2005, 04:22 PM	#7 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,246	Death, words are not songs, and if you want peoples opinions, don't be so combative with them. __________________ I've moved to a new address

08-27-2005, 04:45 PM	#9 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,246	dual accounts? __________________ I've moved to a new address

08-27-2005, 10:53 AM	#5 (permalink)
anticipation Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 3,561	that is straight up e to the mo.

08-27-2005, 04:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
~~deadkennedyspunk~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 22	ok but its definatley not meant to be emo

08-27-2005, 05:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
tdoc210 ashes against the grain Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: new hampsha Posts: 2,608	^ no thats my friend he typed for me i was accidentley logged on to his at his house when i was viewing this sorry ill have my friend delete that __________________ We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.