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08-15-2021, 08:57 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Moosic Addict
Join Date: Nov 2020
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 65
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New song seeking validation from internet folk
(picture a Midwest emo song)
Free Tea! Parallel parked in our Seats My waters getting colder I couldn't get much lower What's taking them so long This tea isn't mine but I'll drink it anyways Table of one growing into a tadpole of my former self Suddenly Browse the same page 9 times My shaky hands are shaking It's a metaphor for something man You can't drive here The road had dissapeared Table of one growing into a tadpole of my hated self Suddenly Browse the same page 10 times Parallel parked in our seatsx8
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08-15-2021, 09:50 PM | #2 (permalink) | ||
carpe musicam
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Les Barricades Mystérieuses
Posts: 7,710
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Quote:
I would change that one line to: "Partly undone Growing out of a cocoon of my former self. Suddenly I browsed my bio sitting the shelf"
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Quote:
"it counts in our hearts" ?ºº? “I have nothing to offer anybody, except my own confusion.” Jack Kerouac. “If one listens to the wrong kind of music, he will become the wrong kind of person.” Aristotle. "If you tried to give Rock and Roll another name, you might call it 'Chuck Berry'." John Lennon "I look for ambiguity when I'm writing because life is ambiguous." Keith Richards |
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08-16-2021, 04:08 PM | #5 (permalink) | |
carpe musicam
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Les Barricades Mystérieuses
Posts: 7,710
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I really wanted to change as little as possible. It's your song with your words. I just thought 'cocoon > tadpole.' If it's midwest emo it's all about vocal delivery > rhyming lyrics. Like the song Marigold & Patchwork for insinstance. His lyrics don't rhyme, but he puts a lot of emotions into them.
"Partly undone Growing out of a cocoon of my former self. Suddenly I saw my bio sitting on the shelf" ^ I suck at writing, I left out a preposition
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Quote:
"it counts in our hearts" ?ºº? “I have nothing to offer anybody, except my own confusion.” Jack Kerouac. “If one listens to the wrong kind of music, he will become the wrong kind of person.” Aristotle. "If you tried to give Rock and Roll another name, you might call it 'Chuck Berry'." John Lennon "I look for ambiguity when I'm writing because life is ambiguous." Keith Richards |
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