Opinion on lyrics?

SabrinaCallaghan · 02-19-2017, 01:07 PM

I'm new to songwriting. Please give me honist opinions or advice

I havent come up with a chorus for this one,only verses

Tore my world apart,left me so broken
From the hole inside my heart.
You should've been my shoulder to cry on,
But here I am wondering,where have you gone?
I've got bite marks on my tounge,
From things ive never said.
Like when my mind told me things,
Like, "your better off dead"
Or, your the reason he's gone
"He didn't really care"
"No wonder he left"
"He didnt want to be there"
I'm sorry if I made you mad,
Tell me what did I do
Is do anything to take it back
Somehow make it up to you
Then everything would be Okay
Maybe youd be happier that way
But you looked at me in discrace
Dear dad,what did I do?

02-19-2017, 01:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
SabrinaCallaghan Groupie Join Date: Feb 2017 Posts: 3	Opinion on lyrics? I'm new to songwriting. Please give me honist opinions or advice I havent come up with a chorus for this one,only verses Tore my world apart,left me so broken From the hole inside my heart. You should've been my shoulder to cry on, But here I am wondering,where have you gone? I've got bite marks on my tounge, From things ive never said. Like when my mind told me things, Like, "your better off dead" Or, your the reason he's gone "He didn't really care" "No wonder he left" "He didnt want to be there" I'm sorry if I made you mad, Tell me what did I do Is do anything to take it back Somehow make it up to you Then everything would be Okay Maybe youd be happier that way But you looked at me in discrace Dear dad,what did I do?