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Old 06-10-2016, 11:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
Jacob Sartorius
 
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Default Judge me

Something I wrote working on a song. Some opinions please.

If I loved you, it’d be pain
If i held you, it’d be insane
I’m better off in the dirt
Better off, as a dead flirt

Lick me with eyes of steel
I hate to feel
She is my only passion
As the walls come crashin

She was perfection to me
She is imperfect to everybody
Wind blows into her beauty
She loves everybody

You told me
You’d never leave
What a fool I must be
To sit there and believe
In your own imperfections
In your own misdirections

I wonder if your blood is gold
If your eyes are bold
If your mind is dull
If you have a soul

I know, I am numb
I know, I am dumb
I hear, beating drum
I see, I am crumb

Jesus was aborted
Jesus was aborted
Jesus was deserted
Jesus was deserted

You told me
You’d never leave
What a fool I must be
To sit there and believe
In your own imperfections
In your own misdirections


I love her, yes I do
I hate her, yes I do
I need her, yes I do
I crave her, yes I do
Yes I do (x4)

You told me
You’d never leave
What a fool I must be
To sit there and believe
In your own imperfections
In your own misdirections

I love her, yes I do
I hate her, yes I do
I need her, yes I do
I crave her, yes I do
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Old 06-11-2016, 12:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Needs more "ooh, baby" and girl-world rhymes.
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Old 06-11-2016, 12:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
Jacob Sartorius
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grindy View Post
Needs more "ooh, baby" and girl-world rhymes.
Can't tell if this is sarcasm or not. Lol
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Old 06-11-2016, 12:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Well, it would fit right in.
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Old 06-11-2016, 12:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grindy View Post
Needs more "ooh, baby" and girl-world rhymes.
.
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Old 06-11-2016, 10:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I give it a 69/420
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On this one your voice is kind of weird but really intense and awesome
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Old 06-11-2016, 10:59 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorkeDaddy View Post
I give it a 69/420
I'll give you a 69/420
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Old 06-11-2016, 11:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ki View Post
I'll give you a 69/420
I'll give you both a 138/840
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I'm not even mad. Seriously I'm not. You're a good dude, and I think and hope you'll become something good
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Old 06-11-2016, 12:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I dont judge people I a Christian......Jew .:p
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I just want to say your tits are lovely.
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Roxy is the William S. Burroughs of our time.
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan View Post
I like Roxy, she's awesome and her taste in music far exceeds yours. Roxy is in the Major League bro, and you're like a sad clown in a two bit rodeo.
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Old 06-11-2016, 04:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Better off as a dead flirt?
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