give me the opinion on my lyrics pls.. thx ;) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Today's Posts
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-20-2015, 06:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 1
Default rate this s*!t pls ;)

Hey people. I'm new to writing the lyrics, also I'm not native speaker so pls give me your thoughts on thisone. It's not complete yet and I feel that something is missing there but not really sure how to name it. cliche? , or too straight without any allegory? ..too pathetic? :P.. also if you feel like there is some grammar or stylistic mistake pls let me know thx..

The city of Nineveh

verse

There is a wonderer
hitting the trail
he is the hero thats vilinised
or the villan thats glorified
hoping to see her eyes
like the emerald skies
in Nineveh

and he's crooning
and whisteling

There is a occult with the
robe as a stranger
that cannot fall asleap
nor exit the dream
hoping to see ther hair
like the forsythias that were
in Nineveh

and he's crooning
and whisteling

Yeah there is a believer
wearing the hood
hiding the smiles
behind the scars
hoping to kiss her nape
nape as tender as silk
from Ninevah

chorus

and he's crooning
and whisteling
With nothing in hands
but one discreet rose

that is more than a dozens
alone and the only
the last of the roses
from garden of uniqueness



There goes the knight
unknows if left or right
oh is he si blind?
or is it just a love?
guided by featherlike lips
a velvet thats worth the kiss
Yeah Ninevah!

thanx

Last edited by Dimikles; 12-21-2015 at 07:05 AM.
Dimikles is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Similar Threads



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.