opinions on my lyrics please?! :)

candygreyton · 01-24-2015, 09:59 PM

How do you write good lyrics?

angelgirl · 02-25-2015, 09:15 AM

Hi, this piece sounds like she's reminiscing about a man whom she used to be with but it sounds like they're not in this relationship any longer, but she still keeps thinking of him and she wants him back!

myroad2zion · 03-25-2015, 06:27 PM

I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.

Mei · 03-31-2015, 06:38 PM

It looks pretty good , there are some changes that need to be made tho.

Black Francis · 04-01-2015, 03:12 AM

I like it.

My critique was gonna be it was too obvious and simple but it's actually fine the way it is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by myroad2zion

I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.

I thought the same too.

~~thesienna~~ · 04-02-2015, 07:50 AM

if you take out the first line , she touches his chest it works

Josef K · 04-02-2015, 12:27 PM

This is that fucking Killers song.

Plainview · 04-02-2015, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Josef K

This is that fucking Killers song.

Right.

"Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now"

CoNtrivedNiHilism · 04-04-2015, 08:16 AM

First thing that popped in my head was The Killers, and so I immediately dismissed this person and their 'lyrics' of theirs...please.

If you're going to write lyrics/poetry. Don't rip other people off. That sh*t isn't cool.

Black Francis · 04-05-2015, 08:20 AM

I know that Killers song but it didn't come to mind until Josef mentioned it now everybody is echoing his post.

Give the guy a break he didn't exactly copy the killer song word for word.

01-24-2015, 09:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
candygreyton Groupie Join Date: Jan 2015 Posts: 1	opinions on my lyrics please?! :) How do you write good lyrics? Last edited by candygreyton; 08-10-2015 at 04:20 PM.

04-04-2015, 08:16 AM	#9 (permalink)
CoNtrivedNiHilism Because I Am, I Can! Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 1,128	First thing that popped in my head was The Killers, and so I immediately dismissed this person and their 'lyrics' of theirs...please. If you're going to write lyrics/poetry. Don't rip other people off. That sh*t isn't cool. __________________

04-05-2015, 08:20 AM	#10 (permalink)
Black Francis Out of Place Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: in an abstract house Posts: 4,111	I know that Killers song but it didn't come to mind until Josef mentioned it now everybody is echoing his post. Give the guy a break he didn't exactly copy the killer song word for word. __________________ "Hey Kids you got to meet the MIGHTY PIXIES!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbRbCtIgW3A

02-25-2015, 09:15 AM	#2 (permalink)
angelgirl Groupie Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 16	Hi, this piece sounds like she's reminiscing about a man whom she used to be with but it sounds like they're not in this relationship any longer, but she still keeps thinking of him and she wants him back!

03-25-2015, 06:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
myroad2zion Groupie Join Date: Mar 2015 Posts: 1	I really like them. It seems like it's about feeling jealous of a guy you were/are with, being with another girl in the past. Feeling like you shouldn't be jealous and it's all in your head but it's still there.

03-31-2015, 06:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mei Groupie Join Date: Mar 2015 Location: Great falls, Mt Posts: 3	It looks pretty good , there are some changes that need to be made tho.

04-02-2015, 07:50 AM	#6 (permalink)
~~thesienna~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: Australia Posts: 94	if you take out the first line , she touches his chest it works

04-02-2015, 12:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
Josef K A Jew on a motorbike! Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Ann Arbor, MI Posts: 800	This is that fucking Killers song.