toosik

Anyone that reads this, can you please let me know what you think of my lyrics, and maybe do the poll. Would really appreciate the feedback, good or bad. Thanks

toosik

I just want things to be like they were before,
That's what you deserve for sure,
You and me used to be like the birds that soar,
To get you back here's something I'd do murder for.
Further more, if you said the word I'd kerb the draw,
Cos it seems I've had more green than a herbivore.
You've got the sweetest laugh, it's like nothing I've ever heard before,
To me you were never just her indoors,
You always came first of course,
And second and third and fourth.
Now without your smile my nerves are raw,
Cos me and you go together like chips and burger sauce.
so now my heart's torn, and it's real pain like a fractured bone,
And when i start to mourn, i feel strained but If you were back at home,
There'd be no more naps alone, id be your chaperone,
at last reformed You'd see the fact I've grown.
We had our love down to an art form, then let it dissipate
These days it's only half drawn, we watched it slip away,
You think that it's too late, life's left you with a bitter taste,
But that's the risk you take, if you don't participate.
Baby it's ok, we can rehabilitate a little bit a day,

toosik

https://youtu.be/A_V-Nh7v4e4

toosik

Wait, I'll be ready in one second then I'll go sick in another,
Cos I feel like I fit in here perfectly, just like my dick in your mother,
But it was sh.it to discover, that there was a split in the rubber,
See that ginger kid there, his names Nick he's your brother.
Thats a bad first impression, But don't get mad, just get even,
Cos if you respond with aggression, you might get stabbed, chest is bleeding,
Mate there endeth the lesson, so just be glad that you're breathing,
Cos if I reach for my weapon, your mum and dad will be grieving.
Best start believing, this evening I'm speaking demon,
So if you keep on freaking speaking, I'll find you and kill you like Liam Neeson,
Your sex life recently's indecent, frequently beaten tweeked and peed on,
Now your ass keeps leaking semen, from too much sleeping with Reece and Steven...
At the same time, your frame of mind claims that pains fine,
Come rain or shine, you waste your time writing lame rhymes,
But your skill could be the same as mine if your brain and mind became entwined,
Then remained aligned, like train lines through space and time

Appetitefordistruction

You are a sick man! Rhyming 5 or 6 syllables at a time and killing it. Must be an alien with a thesaurus. Lol

toosik

Kimberley, come and get a seat,
And rest your feet, please just let me speak,
I see how your anxiety has left you weak, almost less complete,
Keeps you up at night while you desperately try to get to sleep,
It affects me deep, to see how it wrecks your week,
Get so upset you weep, tears roll down and wet your cheek,
Mascara runs messily where it's left a streak,
Wish I could give you stress relief, so you could rest in peace,
But each day we just press repeat.
This stress you keep will be the death of me,
But I refuse to just accept defeat, like it's our destiny,
Anxiety won today, but fu.ck it, best of 3?
Take all your worries and set them free,
If life wants to be a bitch then fuc.king let it be,
I could endure any struggle if I had you standing next to me,
Just set your feet and don't forget to breathe,
I'm here to let you see, I'll carry you when the road gets too steep,
Put out a press release, express this feat alphabetically,
Journeyed through F then G, now we're passing S and T,
Soon we'll get to see, the finish line like the letter zee,
Then I bet you'll see, all that stress will be, is a distant memory.
Then blessedly that is when you will get relief,
I promise you i will never leave, Cos you made me a better me

kibbeh

toosik i am not a fan of that last poem/rap thing

its too cliche

let it be? made me a better me?

no

Ol’ Qwerty Bastard

toobad for toosik

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toosik

To be honest, the last few about my Mrs, are more a kind of therapy through word play. Obviously, the meter is too inconsistent to pass as poetry or rap , but as someone who smothers negative emotions, the process of writing down the thoughts and emotions I would normally deny myself, whilst trying to rhyme the same 3 syllables almost 40 times, forced me to really look at the situation from all angles. Whatever, it helped at the time, so f.uck it.
I still think that managing that many rhymes of better me, and still have it make sense when you read it is impressive in itself . If you haven't already, look at the first few pages. That is where my rap lyrics and battles are. Let me know what you think about those.

Thanks for the feedback though. Appreciate it

JGuy Grungeman

What kind of genre are you going for? You could easily rap these, but I can see some of these working for softer folk and rock genres, notably the beginning of your first song.

These are good lyrics.

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