Pilot Song

bestrfcplayer · 11-30-2013, 11:28 PM

Hello everyone. This is my sort of pilot song/rap to see my strengths and weaknesses of being a writer. Also I feel its kind of weird that its a rap about rock and roll so here it goes.

Title: Oh We've Wanted to Rock and Roll

Are you ready?

Aha

Oh we've wanted to rock and roll
To get by day by day doing our works toll
We've waited this long to rock
And we're not about to let it stop

Just let your hair drop and your voice go
We can take it fast or we can take it slow
All day long with nothing to do
All we want to do is rock and roll, just me and you

Some people all they do is complain
But I just tell em to let go and drink the champagne
We don't do nothin except rock and roll
Let the music do its work, that'll do its toll

Just let your hair drop and your voice go
We can take it fast or we can take it slow
All day long with nothing to do
All we want to do is rock and roll, just me and you

We just sit back and relax
And watch as the world turns black
By the work we've done to get this far
Just me and you sittin under the stars

Just let your hair drop and your voice go
We can take it fast or we can take it slow
All day long with nothing to do
All we want to do is rock and roll, just me and you

Constructive criticism is always welcome and encouraged.

Map101yo · 12-02-2013, 09:24 AM

This was a great poem
With lots of voice and character.
The energy was very strong but the last line in a few stanza threw off the flow.
That may have been your objective but all the same, it made me uncomfortable reading it.
You should continue and write more.

11-30-2013, 11:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
bestrfcplayer Groupie Join Date: Nov 2013 Posts: 3	Pilot Song Hello everyone. This is my sort of pilot song/rap to see my strengths and weaknesses of being a writer. Also I feel its kind of weird that its a rap about rock and roll so here it goes. Title: Oh We've Wanted to Rock and Roll Are you ready? Aha Oh we've wanted to rock and roll To get by day by day doing our works toll We've waited this long to rock And we're not about to let it stop Just let your hair drop and your voice go We can take it fast or we can take it slow All day long with nothing to do All we want to do is rock and roll, just me and you Some people all they do is complain But I just tell em to let go and drink the champagne We don't do nothin except rock and roll Let the music do its work, that'll do its toll Just let your hair drop and your voice go We can take it fast or we can take it slow All day long with nothing to do All we want to do is rock and roll, just me and you We just sit back and relax And watch as the world turns black By the work we've done to get this far Just me and you sittin under the stars Just let your hair drop and your voice go We can take it fast or we can take it slow All day long with nothing to do All we want to do is rock and roll, just me and you Constructive criticism is always welcome and encouraged.

12-02-2013, 09:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
Map101yo Groupie Join Date: Oct 2013 Posts: 3	Great job This was a great poem With lots of voice and character. The energy was very strong but the last line in a few stanza threw off the flow. That may have been your objective but all the same, it made me uncomfortable reading it. You should continue and write more.