I wrote a rather depressing song...

Primeval Scum · 11-21-2013, 05:36 AM

This is my first ever attempt at writing lyrics. It's raining and I've spent the day alone in my apartment listening to depressive music and contemplating my life. This was the result:

Day by day I wither away,
A frozen shell of my former self
Screams echo in the walls of my mind,
My mouth remains shut

I walk a thousand miles yet get nowhere,
Searching for a spark of life
I turn my gaze to the sky,
Arms outstretched in longing

Oh, cruel, indifferent world!
Let me feel the sun on my cheeks again!
Let my veins gush with blood once more!

Darkness envelops every light,
To shine no more
Why aspire to be anything,
We all share the same fate

Dreams of yesterday turn to dust,
Into the howling wind they fade
Clutch at the withered strands of life,
Hold them close to your heart

Hope torments my ever weary soul,
I know it can never be
In this moment I release everything,
Recede into the void

Only the wind will call my name
Until into Death's arms I collapse

I know it's probably not that great, but I hope I at least succeeded in conveying the intended emotions. What do you think?

Silenzio · 11-21-2013, 11:36 AM

Good job! I like the pictorial representation.
I think you did capture the emotion very well.

Primeval Scum · 11-22-2013, 04:57 PM

Thanks for the feedback. It was kind of hard to publically share my first attempt at writing, especially since its so personal/emotional.

miinah-a-pun · 12-15-2013, 07:03 AM

I loved it.
something i can relate to.

xLizardx · 12-15-2013, 09:02 AM

I like it, I think it could sound awesome as some sort of mournful, epic metal, like Opeth or something. Love the desolate imagery.

11-21-2013, 05:36 AM	#1 (permalink)
Primeval Scum Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Austin, Texas Posts: 146	I wrote a rather depressing song... This is my first ever attempt at writing lyrics. It's raining and I've spent the day alone in my apartment listening to depressive music and contemplating my life. This was the result: Day by day I wither away, A frozen shell of my former self Screams echo in the walls of my mind, My mouth remains shut I walk a thousand miles yet get nowhere, Searching for a spark of life I turn my gaze to the sky, Arms outstretched in longing Oh, cruel, indifferent world! Let me feel the sun on my cheeks again! Let my veins gush with blood once more! Darkness envelops every light, To shine no more Why aspire to be anything, We all share the same fate Dreams of yesterday turn to dust, Into the howling wind they fade Clutch at the withered strands of life, Hold them close to your heart Hope torments my ever weary soul, I know it can never be In this moment I release everything, Recede into the void Only the wind will call my name Until into Death's arms I collapse I know it's probably not that great, but I hope I at least succeeded in conveying the intended emotions. What do you think?

11-22-2013, 04:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
Primeval Scum Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Austin, Texas Posts: 146	Thanks for the feedback. It was kind of hard to publically share my first attempt at writing, especially since its so personal/emotional. __________________ Last.fm RateYourMusic Don't grieve for me, I'm not there. I am the gentle autumn rain. Hold up my lamp to light your way. Farewell to thee...

11-21-2013, 11:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
Silenzio Music Addict Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Austria Posts: 210	Good job! I like the pictorial representation. I think you did capture the emotion very well.

12-15-2013, 07:03 AM	#4 (permalink)
miinah-a-pun Groupie Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: POKHARA, NEPAL Posts: 40	I loved it. something i can relate to.

12-15-2013, 09:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
xLizardx Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: UK Posts: 71	I like it, I think it could sound awesome as some sort of mournful, epic metal, like Opeth or something. Love the desolate imagery.