Spread of Diseases

Becomingnebula · 10-19-2013, 05:31 PM

I found this on my computer forgetting I wrote it. It is very short, as you can see, and I think I wrote it in response to a Shakespeare play as a school assignment. I would love feedback. P.S: I use 'thu'um' as in the shout in the game Skyrim.

Could the thu'um's of a trout dismantle?
Dissolve the honor,valor, wit or young in a man?
Maybe if, if the thu'um is stained with illness.
The oracle of this illness shall and will express to more than just one.
And when it does the campaign of that thu'um will:
Dissolve the catalyst in a man,
Fasten the impenetrable bolt to isolate and unease his mind,
Stain his heart with words,
Poison the filter between the man and his peers.
It will expose this illness to not just one.

RL Clown · 10-21-2013, 02:05 PM

Without question, you have put a lot of effort into writing your lyrics. I enjoyed reading your lyrics. My favorite lines were: "Fasten the impenetrable bolt to isolate and unease his mind, Stain his heart with words, Poison the filter between the man and his peers."

Those lines were very creative and very meaningful.

Becomingnebula · 10-21-2013, 05:39 PM

Thanks you for the feedback I really do appreciate it.

10-19-2013, 05:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
Becomingnebula Groupie Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Colorado Posts: 6	Spread of Diseases I found this on my computer forgetting I wrote it. It is very short, as you can see, and I think I wrote it in response to a Shakespeare play as a school assignment. I would love feedback. P.S: I use 'thu'um' as in the shout in the game Skyrim. Could the thu'um's of a trout dismantle? Dissolve the honor,valor, wit or young in a man? Maybe if, if the thu'um is stained with illness. The oracle of this illness shall and will express to more than just one. And when it does the campaign of that thu'um will: Dissolve the catalyst in a man, Fasten the impenetrable bolt to isolate and unease his mind, Stain his heart with words, Poison the filter between the man and his peers. It will expose this illness to not just one.

10-21-2013, 02:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
RL Clown Music Addict Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 182	Without question, you have put a lot of effort into writing your lyrics. I enjoyed reading your lyrics. My favorite lines were: "Fasten the impenetrable bolt to isolate and unease his mind, Stain his heart with words, Poison the filter between the man and his peers." Those lines were very creative and very meaningful.

10-21-2013, 05:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
Becomingnebula Groupie Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Colorado Posts: 6	Thanks you for the feedback I really do appreciate it.