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Bec's Poetry Corner
I've wanted to start a poetry journal for sometime now. I don't write that much or that often, but the pieces I've done are all very personal and I'm pretty attached to some of them. At least maybe some of my writing will help people get to know me a little better.
I also plan to post some of my favorites by other people, and I hope everyone will feel free to add their own stuff. I'm very fond of love sonnets, especially the sapphic and erotic variety. If you repost anything you see here, always give appropriate credit out of respect other people's intellectual property! To get things started, here's a little something I wrote to the love of my life. You should feel jealous, but you don't Because you know I'd never hurt you You should feel mad, but you don't Because you know I didn't mean to You should feel smothered, but you don't Because you know how I crave your touch You should feel slighted, but you don't Because you know I love you so much You know me too well You shouldn't do all those little things, but you do Because you know they melt my heart You shouldn't accomodate me so, but you do Because you know I hate being apart You shouldn't even have given me a chance, but you did Because you'd been hurt so bad before You shouldn't have loved me back, but you did Because you knew my soul was yours You know me too well by Becky P. |
Nice poem but the only issue I see is with your tenses in the last two lines. You used past tense then the next line should be past tense as well.
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In other words, I am speaking to her in the present about something that happened in the past. She was a tough nut to crack because I caught her on the rebound (long story). That's what 4 of the last 5 lines of the poem refer to. Guess maybe it makes a little more sense if you know that. |
Posted this earlier on Katsy's thread but I wanted to include it here too. It's not mine.
Love's Acolyte Many have loved you with lips and fingers And lain with you till the moon went out; Many have brought you lover's gifts! And some have left their dreams on your doorstep. But I who am youth among your lovers Come like an acolyte to worship, My thirsting blood restrained by reverence, My heart a wordless prayer. The candles of desire are lighted, I bow my head, afraid before you, A mendicant who craves your bounty Ashamed of what small gifts she brings. Elsa Gidlow |
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Just giving constructive criticism. I used to have issues with switching tenses often throughout my work. |
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The catch phrase (or hook I guess you could call it) of the poem which is used at the end of both stanzas, represents how I've shown her more of myself than I've ever shown anyone else. Anyway, guess from my point of view maybe I never realized how obfuscated my intent was, but the change of tense you see was done consciously and on purpose. Quote:
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Boo, I hate your kind! lol My high school English teachers made me hate English. |
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Don't feel too bad though...sometimes I'm not too fond of English myself. ;) |
Something with a little more spice?
Dance with me by Becky P. Dance with me Our warmth intertwined Breast to breast Our hearts beat in time Cheek to cheek My lips find your neck Thigh to thigh Our hot souls connect Dance with me Our mouths gently kiss Lips to lips We both feel the bliss Tongue to Tongue My knees just went weak Skin to skin Your dampness I seek Dance with me Our passion is keyed Sigh to sigh My kiss finds your need Breath to breath You find your release We begin again Now it's your turn to please |
wow i like the sexual nature of that and i would read part 2 for sure
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