Wrote a song
 

Some time ago, a long time since I've last written anything, inspiration hit me to write a song from the point of view of an old man in his deathbed. 30 minutes later I was done with a rough version of the lyrics. Feedback is appreciated.

Regrets

Looking back at my past, waiting to meet my maker
Things I've done, places I've been, people I've known
What was it for, was it all worth it?
I want to go in peace

Wish I had been kinder, happier
Wish I had been there for my family
Wish I had lived my life better
If only I knew it would pass so fast
I'd have lived in the moment, not dwelled on the past
Wish I had loved more

All my loved ones around me, saying their goodbyes
I won't cry, I hide behind my pride
I want to go with a smile
Fame my fears of not fearing anymore
There won't be another day

Wish I had been kinder, happier
Wish I had been there for my family
Wish I had lived my life better
If only I knew it would pass so fast
I'd have lived in the moment, not dwelled on the past
Wish I had loved more


I'm kinda liking some of the parts, but feel like some parts don't work as well, and it makes the whole thing a bit unbalanced.

I like the chorus, I think the verses need some work. The last two lines on the second verse is the only weak point for me really.

"I won't cry, I hide behind my pride
I want to go with a smile
Fame my fears of not fearing anymore
There won't be another day"

that was my favourite part,
i liked the concept of the song, but you could be more descriptive and the chorus less predictable
just my opinion, but overall i liked it :)

Thanks for the kinds words, guys. I don't write that much, and never got any feedback on any of my writing, so it's good to get some words of encouragement. My favorite line from this is "If only I knew it would pass so fast, I'd had lived in the moment, not dwelled on the past."

As said, I haven't written much. Occasionally I come up with a couple lines, but not finish a song about it, so there are only a few full songs. Here's one I've been trying to figure the arrangement for as well. The structure is ABACAB, in the A part there is a piano lick I keep playing over and over. B and C are accompanied by a straight piano beat.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know you
Soemtimes I feel I am you
And it makes me scared

You've taught me a lot, both good and bad
You've made me happy, you've made me sad,
You helped me grow, you made me a mand
You've made me who I am

I looked up to you, I followed your lead
You picked me up, and let me down

I'd want to say 'I forgive you', but I'm not sure if I do
Maybe you couldn't help it
I know it's been tough for you too
But I can't help thinking

I try to put it past us, try to start from scratch
But the past is too strong, it will always remain

I'm past the anger and the sadness, I'm through all the phases
I've felt many things throughout this journey, solely because of you
I'm numb inside, all the feelings are dead
All that is left is disappointment

Written a couple songs since, and actually put them out on my YouTube channel. Feedback appreciated.

I enjoyed cold feet thought it was quite creative!!

Not bad, my criticism would be rhymes; a song has gotta rhyme for me but I like that its deep

I like "Cold Feet" too.

I also write tunes, and everybody goes through the indecision and insecurity of their songs, but I've found that you just have to hear them enough times to trick yourself into becoming the listener rather than the creator. More often than not things you think don't work probably do, but we like to self destruct :)

Been quite some time, but I wrote a new song.



Raindrops
Forming puddles
Colors changing
To yellow and red
To grey

The North wind blows
Falling leaves
Trees are bending
All the lights
Fade away

Summer is gone
See me
Fall

It's getting colder
Darkness falls
Birds escaping
Towards warmth

I should follow
Fly like the larks
Run from the dark
The nights
The thoughts

Summer is gone
See me
Fall

Summer is gone
See me
Fall

I've got the key in my hands
My hands are on the keys
My fingers will play a melody
To show how it feels

Who's to say I should be this way
I could change, some day
I could be happy, happy with myself
I could be happy, with you

So alike, so alive
Take a lie and make it right
Shout it loud, sing it bright
Bring a light into the night
Keep me in mind
Keep being mine
I'll be kind, kind of blind
Blinded by your light

I'll take you by the hand
I'll take you by the trees
My fingers in your hair
Together with the breeze

The others know it, it's showing
The show is over, the credits are rolling
Dear me, I've fallen

So alike, so alive
Take a lie and make it right
Shout it loud, sing it bright
Bring a light into the night
Keep me in mind
Keep being mine
I'll be kind, kind of blind

She smiled
Oh and how she smiled
She smiled with her eyes, they cannot lie

So alike, so alive
Take a lie and make it right
Shout it loud, sing it bright
Bring a light into the night
Keep me in mind
Keep being mine
I'll be kind, kind of blind
Blinded by your light

Beautiful song, and very nicely sung :)

New one.





There once was a boy
From his parents he got
A house so big and warm

And from an early age
He was taught
How to create a good home

Keep the windows open
Keep the doors unlocked
Let in those who will enter
Let them in your home
Let them in your heart
That's what'll keep you warm in the winter

So he lived
In an open home
There for all to see

Some would visit
Some would stay for a while
Some he didn't want to leave

He kept the windows open
He kept the doors unlocked
Let in those who would enter
Let them in his home
Let them in his heart
They kept him warm in the winter

There once was a girl
Who came in this home
And made it oh so warm

And from an early stage
He was caught
And could not get away

Stunned by her warmth
He let it all in
Never had he felt such a thing

He pulled down his guards
Not realizing
What trouble such heat could bring

He kept the windows open
He kept the doors unlocked
He asked for her to enter
Let her in his home
Let her in his heart
To keep him warm in the winter

Then come autumn
Like the leaves from the trees
It was all slowly falling down

One morning, cold morning
He was down on his knees
She had burned his house to the ground

On its place
He built a new house
From thick, cold, grey stone

A house so small
He knew he would
Only live there alone

The windows were never open
The door was always locked
Nobody else could enter
Enter his home
Enter his heart
It was the coldest, loneliest winter

EDIT: I somehow posted on a completely different topic from the one I THOUGH I was posting on. oops.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know you
Sometimes I feel I am you
And it makes me scared

You've taught me a lot
Both good and bad
You've made me happy
You've made me sad
You've helped me grow
You've made me a man
You've made me who I am

I looked up to you
I followed your lead
You pick me up and let me down

I'd like to say I forgive you
But I'm not sure if I do
Maybe you couldn't help it
I know it's been tough for you too
But I can't help thinking

I try to put it past us
I try to start from scratch
But the past is too strong
It will always remain

I'm past the anger and the sadness
I'm through all the phases
I've felt many things through out this journey
Solely because of you
I'm numb inside
All the feelings are dead
All that is left is disappointment

Hi there, Jabonator. :)

I liked your style, though I think I could give you some little tips. I think you should go more creative in your music, creating something different. As after hearing to of your songs, the next melodies were pretty predictable. But I have to say, that it is very impressive that you use both instruments, guitar and piano, and you're not bad (though I can see you're either new for guitar or learned yourself).

About the lyrics, well, I can't say much, as you're good in what you do. :)

About the vocals, try to play a little with your high notes, and try to give some pushes in the song-ends, as if you keep the same tone all the song, which is around four-five minutes, audience might get bored. If you like rough singing, then go a little further, and maybe even share a slight scream in a highest point of the song. :)

Keep it up!

Wrote something again. Feedback appreciated.



Some completely original material for a change. Piano and vocals played live, and added some guitar and backing vocals afterwards.

Lyrics:

Black jeans, white t-shirt
Is all she wears
Blue eyes, long blonde hair
Flows in the air
She's like a picture you see
In magazines
She's like a song you haven't heard
But know the words

You'd think this was a silent movie
In all black and white
If not for her warming laughter
And her deep blue eyes

Summer night, the sun is out
And so is she
In your mind you have no doubt
It's meant to be
Beating heart, sweaty palms
Yhe feeling grows
Nervous smile, a stolen glance
You're falling fast

You wish this could be like a movie
The kind you always see
The lonely boy gets his beauty
In the final scene

You realize the night is going to end
You're not sure if you'll see her again

You wish this could be like a movie
The kind you always see
The lonely boy gets his beauty
In the final scene

You walk up to her and
You blurt out how you feel
Credits roll, the curtain closes
Was it meant to be?

Jabonator, those are some great vids. You should be proud. I loved Thoughts of a Morning After, that was my favorite one. As far as the lyrics go, well, they say what they say. They come from you. As long as you're getting across the message you want to convey and get across, that's all that matters. Just make sure the syllables fit within the rhythm of the melody, that's all that matters musically as far as the lyrics go. The music is obviously deep and touching. You've already got that. Being a creator and singer/song writer means being more sensitive than others - it's the only way an artist can create and convey their art. It's a tough deal. But you don't want to let that work against you. Give yourself some credit. You don't need to hear other people say you're good just so you can know you're good and feel good about it. As long as you're a good, positive person, and
always try hard to be in the right, that's all that really matters. Never doubt yourself. You're good :)