Dougdenslowe's Collection

Dougdenslowe · 10-04-2012, 10:21 PM

Bedroom Eyes

Dishwater Blonde
You know the look
Just like she walked
Off a paperback book

A 30's fedora
A splash of perfume
Made you feel good
From across the room

Something to gain
Maybe even to prove
It's now or never
Time to make my move

Ask me no questions
I'll tell you no lies
Whispered the girl
With the Bedroom Eyes

Felt like a character
In a black and white flick
Clothes were to vanish
For my next trick

Something to gain
Maybe even to prove
It's now or never
Time to make my move

Dougdenslowe · 10-14-2012, 02:11 PM

Let's see see if this gets any feedback.

Wild West Jess

Jesse James
Has worldwide fame
Unknown is a gal
Who shared his first name
Stories keep changing
As they get old
Here's a tale
That's never been told

Tall,built and slender
With the sexiest voice
On her own at 14
Grew up fast,had no choice
So skilled with a rope
It'd appear to come alive
Unrivaled on a horse
Been riding since five

Learned Marshal Arts
At the world's finest school
Expedient,worked hard
Knowledge her tool
Top in her class
Retained everything taught
No detail overlooked
To never get caught

Won't backdown,when challenged
Regardless wrong or right
An expert combatant
Never loses a fight
Will dispatch anybody
With her pearl-handled gun
Better not cross her
If you do,better run

Lightning fast,has no equal
If forced to draw
One step ahead of
Any posse,Marshall,or law
Impossible to track
For more than a mile
Identity kept secret
Won't ever stand trial

Wears Paris fashions
When robbing banks
So polite,on the way out
Never forgets to say"Thanks"
Passing men always tip
Their hats in respect
Winks from the cowboys
With whom she has slept

There wasn't a lock or pocket
She couldn't pick
Even studied Magic
Knew every trick
Paid for information
And the best alibis
Left nothing to chance
Was a master of disguise

Only mistake was in
Choosing her men
Couldn't tell the difference
Between love and pretend
Never married or jailed
Just had to run free
No man could tame her
Take it from me

Both brains and good looks
Own personal style
Wanted for Murder
For her Killer Smile
No books will be written
No movies to be seen
Wild West Jess
Legendary Outlaw Queen

VEGANGELICA · 10-14-2012, 03:15 PM

I enjoyed reading your poems because they are descriptive, voyeuristic vignettes about colorful personalities. For example, I like how you use words to paint an image succinctly: "dishwater blond," "a '30's fedora," "pearl-handled gun."

You also cleverly weave your ideas within the constraints of your rhyme scheme.

I have two suggestions that I thought of while reading your posts.

First, have you considered or already written about real people? (I'm assuming the two women described are imaginary.) The characters in your stories seem so flamboyantly strong that they feel unbelievable to me, a little like appealing cartoon characters. I'd enjoy seeing how your attention to, and pleasure in, details plays out when you describe a real person.

Second, have you played with other rhyme schemes besides abcb? (Rhyme scheme - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). I tend to let myself fall into that rhyming pattern (because it just feels so satisfying to have all that rhyming!

), but I feel it is a good exercise to break out of it. I find that planning to use other rhyme schemes and varying the rhyme scheme within the poem opens up possibilities that might not arise when one follows a simpler rhyme scheme such as "abcb defe ghih" etc.

^ Mind you, this is based on seeing only two of your poems. I'm assuming they are poems rather than lyrics? Or are you planning to sing them?

Dougdenslowe · 10-16-2012, 07:20 PM

Bedroom Eyes is total fantasy.Wild West Jess is based on my Ex-Girlfriend
"Tall,built and slender,with the sexiest voice."I wrote it as a Western,to make it interesting.Of course,she didn't rob banks or wear Paris fashions.I got that idea from the movie Tombstone.As far as it being a poem or Song Lyrics;they were written for my band,that never got around to recording them.I left the Chorus out of Wild West Jess,because I thought it was too good to "give it all away"!
I'll be posting more soon.I came to this site to see if it got more "action"than ATL,so far it hasn't.If I don't get more feedback,I'll probably post a couple more then say "Good-Bye".

VEGANGELICA · 10-22-2012, 05:47 PM

Thanks for the reply. Ex-girlfriend "Wild West Jess" sounds like an interesting person...even if she didn't rob banks!

I think posting at MusicBanter is especially slow during the Northern Hemisphere winter months. I understand your wanting more "action." I hope you'll enjoy it here as long as you stay.

Dougdenslowe · 10-23-2012, 03:43 AM

Here's another Song Lyric.See if you like it.Comments are Free!

One For the Road

Mona Lisa
Don't come close
It's your smile
I love the most
Aphrodite
Ain't got nothing on you (it's true)
I'm helpless girl
What to do

Yes,I'm addicted
Need to dose
To see the smile
I love the most
I admit it
Stuck-on-Stupid
Got no chance
I asked Cupid

Yes,I'm hooked
I won't lie
Cause,if I miss it
I'll start to cry

Tears stain my face
Not my style
Please one more time
Let me see your smile

This is a song that is tough to post.The music is the Star in this song.It's got heavy
Power chords between the verses.It's like posting a heavy Led Zepplin song without the
Music of Jimmy Page.Well,I posted it anyway.

Dougdenslowe · 03-10-2013, 03:38 AM

Model Behavior

Model Behavior
Means fashionably late
Overlooked,overbooked
Have to look great
Interviews,designer shoes
Pictures of your face
Every girl's a rival
Waiting to take your place

Chat shows in the morning
Then Playboy Magazine
Party with Paris Hilton
Got to make the scene
Model Behavior
Is getting the best of you
Yours a supermodel
Better think it through

On the go,fashion shows
No time to stop
Photo opps,about to drop
It's time to cop
Movie stars,limo cars
Then celebrate
Overpaid,getting laid
Ain't life great

Dougdenslowe · 03-10-2013, 03:45 AM

Diablo Diane. 9/8/08

There was a she-devil
Named Diablo Diane
Didn't have a conscience
Didn't give a damn

Tomorrow was always
The End of Days
Anything to justify
Her evil ways

She burned every bridge
She walked across
She couldn't care less
It wasn't her loss

Only chose people
If something to gain
Leaving them in ruins
And life long pain

You'd better get away
Do it while you can
Shell leave you in misery
Diablo Diane

The Feedback is deafening around here!Why not say what you think,they may return the favor!

Dougdenslowe · 03-23-2013, 02:19 AM

The Store

When it's time to
Go to The Store
Almost feels like I'm
Going to war

Thugs and junkies
Loiter and talk
Forcing folks to the street
Off the sidewalk

They block all the doorways
Yes,they're so rude
"What do I care?"
Is their attitude

Hands outreached
"Gimme some cash"
"I need some dope
And a place to crash"

That's the name of the story
When you live in the slums
Stepping over winos
Crackheads and bums

Dougdenslowe · 08-13-2013, 08:03 AM

T.V. 12-24-08

I don't think it's
Hard to believe
All alone on
Christmas eve

Another year
Has passed me by
Feels so good
Don't know why

Nobody knows
What tomorrow will bring
I keep hoping for
Pretty things

Pass people by
Like they weren't there
Yes,it's true
Life's not fair

Things get better
Wait and see
Change the channel
On your T.V.

10-04-2012, 10:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	Dougdenslowe's Collection Bedroom Eyes Dishwater Blonde You know the look Just like she walked Off a paperback book A 30's fedora A splash of perfume Made you feel good From across the room Something to gain Maybe even to prove It's now or never Time to make my move Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies Whispered the girl With the Bedroom Eyes Felt like a character In a black and white flick Clothes were to vanish For my next trick Something to gain Maybe even to prove It's now or never Time to make my move

10-16-2012, 07:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	Thanks for Commenting Bedroom Eyes is total fantasy.Wild West Jess is based on my Ex-Girlfriend "Tall,built and slender,with the sexiest voice."I wrote it as a Western,to make it interesting.Of course,she didn't rob banks or wear Paris fashions.I got that idea from the movie Tombstone.As far as it being a poem or Song Lyrics;they were written for my band,that never got around to recording them.I left the Chorus out of Wild West Jess,because I thought it was too good to "give it all away"! I'll be posting more soon.I came to this site to see if it got more "action"than ATL,so far it hasn't.If I don't get more feedback,I'll probably post a couple more then say "Good-Bye".

03-23-2013, 02:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	The Store When it's time to Go to The Store Almost feels like I'm Going to war Thugs and junkies Loiter and talk Forcing folks to the street Off the sidewalk They block all the doorways Yes,they're so rude "What do I care?" Is their attitude Hands outreached "Gimme some cash" "I need some dope And a place to crash" That's the name of the story When you live in the slums Stepping over winos Crackheads and bums Last edited by Dougdenslowe; 02-10-2014 at 05:53 PM.

10-14-2012, 02:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	Let's see see if this gets any feedback. Wild West Jess Jesse James Has worldwide fame Unknown is a gal Who shared his first name Stories keep changing As they get old Here's a tale That's never been told Tall,built and slender With the sexiest voice On her own at 14 Grew up fast,had no choice So skilled with a rope It'd appear to come alive Unrivaled on a horse Been riding since five Learned Marshal Arts At the world's finest school Expedient,worked hard Knowledge her tool Top in her class Retained everything taught No detail overlooked To never get caught Won't backdown,when challenged Regardless wrong or right An expert combatant Never loses a fight Will dispatch anybody With her pearl-handled gun Better not cross her If you do,better run Lightning fast,has no equal If forced to draw One step ahead of Any posse,Marshall,or law Impossible to track For more than a mile Identity kept secret Won't ever stand trial Wears Paris fashions When robbing banks So polite,on the way out Never forgets to say"Thanks" Passing men always tip Their hats in respect Winks from the cowboys With whom she has slept There wasn't a lock or pocket She couldn't pick Even studied Magic Knew every trick Paid for information And the best alibis Left nothing to chance Was a master of disguise Only mistake was in Choosing her men Couldn't tell the difference Between love and pretend Never married or jailed Just had to run free No man could tame her Take it from me Both brains and good looks Own personal style Wanted for Murder For her Killer Smile No books will be written No movies to be seen Wild West Jess Legendary Outlaw Queen

10-23-2012, 03:43 AM	#6 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	Here's another Song Lyric.See if you like it.Comments are Free! One For the Road Mona Lisa Don't come close It's your smile I love the most Aphrodite Ain't got nothing on you (it's true) I'm helpless girl What to do Yes,I'm addicted Need to dose To see the smile I love the most I admit it Stuck-on-Stupid Got no chance I asked Cupid Yes,I'm hooked I won't lie Cause,if I miss it I'll start to cry Tears stain my face Not my style Please one more time Let me see your smile This is a song that is tough to post.The music is the Star in this song.It's got heavy Power chords between the verses.It's like posting a heavy Led Zepplin song without the Music of Jimmy Page.Well,I posted it anyway.

03-10-2013, 03:38 AM	#7 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	Model Behavior Model Behavior Means fashionably late Overlooked,overbooked Have to look great Interviews,designer shoes Pictures of your face Every girl's a rival Waiting to take your place Chat shows in the morning Then Playboy Magazine Party with Paris Hilton Got to make the scene Model Behavior Is getting the best of you Yours a supermodel Better think it through On the go,fashion shows No time to stop Photo opps,about to drop It's time to cop Movie stars,limo cars Then celebrate Overpaid,getting laid Ain't life great

03-10-2013, 03:45 AM	#8 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	Diablo Diane. 9/8/08 There was a she-devil Named Diablo Diane Didn't have a conscience Didn't give a damn Tomorrow was always The End of Days Anything to justify Her evil ways She burned every bridge She walked across She couldn't care less It wasn't her loss Only chose people If something to gain Leaving them in ruins And life long pain You'd better get away Do it while you can Shell leave you in misery Diablo Diane The Feedback is deafening around here!Why not say what you think,they may return the favor!

08-13-2013, 08:03 AM	#10 (permalink)
Dougdenslowe Groupie Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: West Coast,U.S.A. Posts: 24	T.V. 12-24-08 I don't think it's Hard to believe All alone on Christmas eve Another year Has passed me by Feels so good Don't know why Nobody knows What tomorrow will bring I keep hoping for Pretty things Pass people by Like they weren't there Yes,it's true Life's not fair Things get better Wait and see Change the channel On your T.V.