Lyricist_Exsikk

*When we first met i knew you were the one, those other girls were done
remember the first night how we talked for hours, i couldn't even keep track of each hour. my feelings for you grew so strong i knew being with you is where my heart belong, you told me how you felt and that you wanted no one else. so i took what you said and did some thinking as i tried to imagine your face again as we were speaking. *ExperienceLoveAtFirstSight

Lyricist_Exsikk

Look i'm new to this sight and i'ma be posting some of the best lyrics i wrote. i want to make my own music i been a lyricist since i was about 10 years old and ready to give my lyrics a voice. so just help me out with views,comments,feed back, or anything else you think can or will help get started.

Thank You

Lyricist_Exsikk

*Baby girl each and every night, loving just to hold you tight, i know i'm not perfect but you know everyone fights, i'll do my best to make things right. because me and you were meant to be, now i see why me and you were always true. F**k them other girls their through, its always been about me and you, my friends tell me i'ma fool but f**k it i don't listen cause baby you were the one i was missin''

*Got me thinking bout you each and everyday, i'm glad your mine, baby your so fine, your smile..somthing i can't decline, love the taste of cherries when our lips combine, loving the way your body is designed & close to mine, you always been number one in my heart. ya we had our differences but our love never fell apart and i'm so glad to say you gave me a new start.''

mr dave

First off keep everything in 1 thread instead of spamming up the subforum (whether or not it's what you intend it's how it looks). It'll make you seem more professional as opposed to some hyper kid desperate for attention (which is also what asking for views sounds like).

You also rhyme monosyllabicly.

one - done
hours - hour (really?)
strong - belong
thinking - speaking

and in your other thread...

night - tight - fights - right
mine - fine - decline - combine
heart - apart - start

Essentially your rhyming pattern is A-A B-B C-C, there's no mixing it up and the subject matter sounds weak. Like you're puppy dogging for some girlie attention without actually finishing up a full thought.

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i am the universe

Janszoon

Please keep all of your writing in this one thread. Thanks.

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A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man

Time & Place

25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die

last.fm

Lyricist_Exsikk

ight thanx for the new tips