Absurd Third Werd.Moon June Spoon...mb

[mb stonehouse]

The Awful Waffle

I've always been torn
An' a little lovelorn
I'm twisted
Blacklisted
An' worn

I have a loose grip
On the wheel of my ship
It's mistin'
I'm listin'
This trip

I can't see the docks
Or the wind when it talks
Poseidon
He's hidin'
The rocks

I spy a lost gull
As the shoals crush my hull
In the hell
Of the swell
An' lull

Squall rages to gale
An' I no longer bail
I succumb
An' become
A whale

sept9/2008

[mb stonehouse]

you might be some cool dude
or you might be a square
you might be pretty business-shrewd
or talk to folks who are not there
you might be a food inspector
or you might be a king
or maybe you are just some jester
who's forced to dance and sing

that don't make it right
oh baby it just ain't right
we can sit here and talk all night my friend
but we don't get the chance to do it all again
that don't make it right

you might be a shepherd's wife
who has a way with words and diction
dreaming of a better life
but you can only write bad fiction
you might be a billionaire
whose passion has gone listless
you might live without a care
or maybe you're just his mistress

that don't make it right
oh baby it just ain't right
we can sit here and talk all night my friend
but we don't get the chance to do it all again
that don't make it right

you might be a profound preacher
in churches or tabernacles
acclaimed to be a tremendous teacher
but you still wear your shackles
you might be a man of men
or beg below a steeple
but you won't know the why or when
you're judged before the people

that don't make it right
oh baby it just ain't right
we can sit here,drink,laugh and grin
try and fool each other but then again
that don't make it right


Oct8/2008

[mb stonehouse]

you asked me how I knew
that I loved you
you smiled sadly
as I thought madly
for the perfect thing to say
to move you in that way

you pretended to pout
after the silence ran out
and I stuttered
as I muttered
words which only got in the way
forming some old cliche

my head started to swim
when you talked about him
as I saw you to your train
and I tried to explain
how my feelings were true
just as the whistle blew

apr3/2008

[mb stonehouse]

I tried to seduce her
With conversation and gin
It was cold outside
And I wanted in
Snow'd begun falling
When the first smile finally broke
It warmed up the place
As we shared a smoke
Emily Jo-Hannah
Touches my leg with her toes
Emily Jo-Hannah
Blushes-the tension grows

Her eyes were the colour
Of warm molasses brown bread
And I made a point of hanging
On every word she said
When she was younger
Said she lived on a bay
Was a sculptress of things
The tides washed away
Emily Jo-Hannah's
Voice suddenly slows
Emily Jo-Hannah
Shrugs says that's how it goes

I woke up beside her
As she was leaving the bed
I used to be somebody
She quietly said
She brought back coffee
And some grilled cheese melt
I reached out and touched her
Said I knew just how she felt
Emily Jo-Hannah
Kisses the tip of my nose
Emily Jo-Hannah
Without any clothes

(she tried to seduce me
with conversation and gin
it was cold outside
and she wanted in)

oct2/2008

[VEGANGELICA]

Originally Posted by mb stonehouse

I tried to seduce her
With conversation and gin
It was cold outside
And I wanted in
Snow'd begun falling
When the first smile finally broke
It warmed up the place
As we shared a smoke
Emily Jo-Hannah
Touches my leg with her toes
Emily Jo-Hannah
Blushes-the tension grows

Her eyes were the colour
Of warm molasses brown bread
And I made a point of hanging
On every word she said
When she was younger
Said she lived on a bay
Was a sculptress of things
The tides washed away
Emily Jo-Hannah's
Voice suddenly slows
Emily Jo-Hannah
Shrugs says that's how it goes

I woke up beside her
As she was leaving the bed
I used to be somebody
She quietly said
She brought back coffee
And some grilled cheese melt
I reached out and touched her
Said I knew just how she felt
Emily Jo-Hannah
Kisses the tip of my nose
Emily Jo-Hannah
Without any clothes

(she tried to seduce me
with conversation and gin
it was cold outside
and she wanted in)

oct2/2008

Stonehouse, this is my favorite of your poems/lyrics because you've created a warm, realistic feeling of two people accepting and desiring each other. You do this by using specific, tender descriptions that are sweet, surprising and sometimes sensual, with my favorites in bold.

I also like the repetition of the first and last stanzas in which you simply change the pronoun to show the reciprocity of their feelings.

I like how you create a sense of Emily Jo-Hannah's history and weave it into the current moments the two are experiencing together, all within one short song. I admire that you tell a story concisely especially since I'm almost always overly long with my lyrics!

One word I wish were different is "things" in these lines: "Was a sculptress of things/The tides washed away." Compared to all the specific details you use elsewhere, "things" seems so generic, though I couldn't think of a good substitute...just that I wished there were one.

The cheese melt was a nice touch, although I at first debated with myself whether it was too specific such that it became humorous...but I decided I liked it. The simple gesture of someone bringing another food in bed is sweet and comforting.

I enjoyed the detail of Emily once being a sculptress. I like the idea of her having worked at things that didn't last or pan out...but she appears to be going on with her life and enjoying it. I was reminded of completely fabricated lyrics I wrote about a man who meets a woman who makes sculptures from twisty-ties:

"Then one night he went out to eat,
gave his order to a stranger who smiled.
He thought, she’d be someone he’d like to meet.
She seemed so open like a child.

She saved twisty-ties from bags of breads,
wove them into colorful tapestries,
characters with twisty-tie ring heads,
and mobiles swaying in the breeze."
http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...tml#post725912

Maybe that was Emily Jo-Hannah when she lived by the bay!

I like the combination of regrets, understanding, acceptance, and comfort in these lyrics. Your description makes the events feel vividly real, as if they could have really happened.

[mb stonehouse]

Hi Vegangelica
Wow.Thanks for both the nice words and the good constructive criticism!I had not thought about the word "things".But what you said gave me some food for thought.I was trying to use it as a metaphor I guess,to give the impression that in the past she tried to"create" things ( was it a family or a marriage or something else----something of importance to her for sure ---) that the tides "of time" took away.This was an afterthought of the original first draft of that verse.I tried to coax it out more,but I think it still remains obscure.
Personally,I find that the line "And i made a point of hanging on every word she said" is somewhat weak.But I despise editing a piece of writing once I feel like it's pretty much done,UNLESS,suddenly a more accurate and honest line or word comes to mind.
I understand your feelings about how easy it is for a piece to become too wordy.I used to do it myself.I have binders to prove it.In the last few years though ,I have been making a more conscious effort to try and say more with fewer words.Another thing for me recently,I learning to give hints in a song or poem,about things which may or may not have happened,instead of blurting it right out, so much easier for me to clean up those details - if they're not important to the main idea I'm trying to convey that is....lol
Again,thanks so much for taking the time to respond.You really did give me stuff to think about,and apply in the future.It made my day.Keep writin'.

[VEGANGELICA]

Originally Posted by mb stonehouse

Hi Vegangelica
Wow.Thanks for both the nice words and the good constructive criticism!I had not thought about the word "things".But what you said gave me some food for thought.I was trying to use it as a metaphor I guess,to give the impression that in the past she tried to"create" things ( was it a family or a marriage or something else----something of importance to her for sure ---) that the tides "of time" took away.This was an afterthought of the original first draft of that verse.I tried to coax it out more,but I think it still remains obscure.

You're welcome! I'm always happy if my feedback is useful in some way.

I understand now about "things" being a metaphor for all sorts of endeavors she may have worked on (relationships as well as physical things).

Originally Posted by mb stonehouse

Personally,I find that the line "And i made a point of hanging on every word she said" is somewhat weak.But I despise editing a piece of writing once I feel like it's pretty much done,UNLESS,suddenly a more accurate and honest line or word comes to mind.

I thought about that line as I was reading. A negative interpretation of it is that he's just using or manipulating her. However, on the positive side, people who really *do* care actually *do* make a point of really listening to someone in whom they are interested. So, I chose to assume he was making a point of hanging on her every word mostly because of that second reason. I like the ambiguity in the line because it made me think about his motivations.

Originally Posted by mb stonehouse

I understand your feelings about how easy it is for a piece to become too wordy.I used to do it myself.I have binders to prove it.In the last few years though ,I have been making a more conscious effort to try and say more with fewer words.Another thing for me recently,I learning to give hints in a song or poem,about things which may or may not have happened,instead of blurting it right out, so much easier for me to clean up those details - if they're not important to the main idea I'm trying to convey that is....lol
Again,thanks so much for taking the time to respond.You really did give me stuff to think about,and apply in the future.It made my day.Keep writin'.

Saying more with less is always good. I like your idea of giving hints rather than blurting out the state of some situation. Hints let a listener be more involved creatively in interpreting a song, and that's fun. My only gripe is with lyrics (not yours) that become so obscure that I don't know what in the world they are about! I'm glad my response was helpful.

[mb stonehouse]

Sometimes,I look into your eyes

Penetratin' your disguise

An' I see you

Starin' into space

Wearin' a different face

Sometimes I wanna free you

Sometimes I wanna be you

Sometimes...



Darlin',I'm beamin' when you smile

An' you kiss me once every while

But now I see through

It's like you're fast asleep

And you don't hear me weep

Sometimes I wanna wake you

Sometimes I wanna break you

Sometimes...



Honey,I don't think you know

But it's time for me to go

Then I see you

You're back here with me

Where you think you oughta be

Sometimes I wanna save you

Sometimes just enslave you

Sometimes...


Aug24/2008

[mb stonehouse]

He sat all alone
By a weathered headstone
One evening,silent,not a sound
His mind full of thoughts
As he pondered that rock
In those lonely graveyard grounds

One wizened finger
Seemed to linger
On the faint etchings in the granite stone
But the years had long erased
The hallowed place
Where once a name had shown

Between his legs
In a brown paper bag
A bottle of cheap wine
To keep fresh
His old feeble flesh
As he sat before this shrine

He did not know
The corpse below
It was not why he came
To this boneyard
So cold,so hard
To this headstone with no name

He lit a smoke
And then he spoke
To the one who had long since died
Friend he said
I know you're dead
So I figure you're qualified

Ya see,I'm getting old
My clay's getting cold
I'm just an old vagabond
But before I go
I'd sure like to know
What it's like in the great beyond

And then he paused
To rest his jaws
And to muse how the other might reply
Then he damn near choked
On his smoke
When he thought He'd heard a sigh

He was a little ruffled
When he heard a muffled
Voice speak from the deep
Who is he
That speaks to me
And awakes me from my sleep?

Well he sputtered
To the voice that had muttered
With such dark and dismal sounds
I'm from these parts
He said with a fearful heart
And my name is Otis Brown

I sure didn't mean
To disturb your dreams
If dreaming is what the dead do
But I'm searching out facts
(Said he as he began to relax)
Of what is and isn't true

Well Otis Brown
Said the voice underground
Is that the fragrance of wine I smell?
Give me a sip
And I'll give you a tip
Of happy heaven and horrid hell

Otis quickly agreed
And the earth with selfish greed
Soaked up the liquor he poured
Then out it squelched
A satisfied belch
As the last drops of wine were absorbed

Ah fruit of the vine
It's been a long time
The voice lustily said
It's the one thing I've craved
Since being stuffed in this grave
A drawback of being dead

But now that I think
Something to put me right in the pink
Would one of your fine smokes
So if you'd an extra one-
Don't mind the pun
But for a puff I think I'd croak

Uncertain of proper etiquette
Otis lit another cigarette
And propped it up on the headstone
He watched as a plume
Of the smokey fume
Rose into the air as if blown

Ah,that hits the spot
And I thank you a lot
But just before I answer your plea
We will play a game
You must guess my name
Before you get any answers from me

I should have guessed
There'd be some test!
Otis said with a frown
But how can I claim
To know your name
You being so long in the ground?

All I need
Is your expertise
Yet you hold the truth from me
Like a good bloke
I gave you a smoke
And wine to ease sobriety

There came not a sound
From that one underground
Until the voice sulkingly said
You're being hard-hearted
To someone's dearly departed
Do you think it's a picnic being dead?

How'd you think it'd feel
To be a worm's meal
And with so much time on my hands?
Being buried down here
Ain't no budding career
And it sure ain't no disneyland

Be that as it may
Otis interjected to say
I don't think you're treating me right
For you to act so
When the things that you know
Might comfort me in the dark of the night

So as for your name
And your little silly game
I reckon I choose to not play
I still got time
For another bottle of wine
So to hell with you 'til judgement day

Otis started to rise
But was caught by surprise
By a bony claw that burst from below
It clutched to his leg
Shook him like a limp rag
Then began pulling him in an undertow

You'll stay here with me
To keep me company
The voice said in an ominous tone
I can no longer bear
Being alone down here
Beneath this cursed gravestone

Wait!Otis exclaimed
I know a game
And my life will be the stakes!
If you're up to the task
I question I'll ask-
But our deal we must seal with a shake

Agreed!Cried the voice
Seems I have little choice
Since you're putting up such a fight
But you already know
My foolish foe
You'll be below before the end of the night

Two hands were clasped
Like two angry asps
One of flesh,the other of bone
Two wills collide
One dead,One alive
One vibrant with life,the other moss-grown

Begin!Said the dead
You're in over your head
For soon you shall be mine!
Otis thought in a flash
For the question he'd ask
His query,his only lifeline-

"Tell me the thing
That makes a bird sing
And without thought makes a heart rejoice
Tell me what makes
A dead heart ache
And gives what is not,a voice?"

Otis glared at the grave
Of that deadly depraved
Saying,Do you know the answer I seek?
You appear rather bold
For being rotted and cold
So now I command you to speak

There came not a sound
From that graveyard mound
As it considered the words Otis spoke
Finally it said
You deal with the dead
And this wager I hereby revoke

The old bony fist
Wrapped around Otis' wrist
And the voice now sinister explained
You owe a debt
You lost the bet
For you never guessed my name

Indeed I did!
Otis crowed to the dead
As he brought the wine bottle crashing down
And just like a charm
It severed the arm
Of the demon deep in the ground

He picked up the hand
Of that long dead man
And on the shrine by use of buddy's finger bone
So self assured
He scratched out the words
Half Handless on that ancient gravestone

Then Otis stood
Though his legs felt like wood
And said I may be a vagabond
But I've more stuff to do
Than to live like my life were through
As though I were already in the great beyond

He turned to walk away
Then stopped long enough to say
Dead man - with the self-crafted strife
Contrary to what you said-
You're the one in over YOUR head
For the answer to my riddle is Life



Aug 1994

[ParadoxQ]

This. Is. ****ing. Brilliant. Please dude, write more, and I really want to collaberate! Show me music man! I got so lost in these songs, I felt the story and they showed me pictures. Awesome!