appleghost

I'd like to publish some of the things I write, short stories, song lyrics, poems, and I hope I'll get some constructive feedback

Here's a poem I wrote a time ago. It's kind of short and abstract, but I like it. Hope you do so too:




we talk in monotone
silver shining through blue words
hands dangling, slow dances
to soulless chords on tired pianos
the sulking sounds of sobbing trumpets
joining our march
on our way
to whatever they demand

coolcatkid

I like it! although could you help me understand the second line, it seems strikingly positive compared to the rest... however maybe i don't understand by what a blue word is

more more!

appleghost

Ah, thank you!
Well, the puropse of that line was to paint a picture.
Silver and blue are, in my point of view, cold colours, as in emotionless skyscrapers. Blue is the window silver shines through (I do like the colour blue, though!).
That's what I was thinking when I wrote it, at least

I'll write more! Thanks for the positive comment!

appleghost

Here's another 'blue' poem (I don't know how it is with you, but I often associate music and texts with colours):


rainy days
eyes blue like a Monday morning
blur out the windows
don't praise me
don't praise me

Automatic Writing

Great feeling, I'd love to put some post-punk music to these type of lyrics. Some distorted guitars and a pulsing bass line would really reinforce the image you're evoking.

appleghost

Thanks!
I see what you mean, though that's not what I was thinking when I wrote this. I think this will fit to a bit calmer, sadder music.
But I see what you mean. And thank you again

Sljslj

I find "abstract" is a good way to go when writing lyrics. It add a magnetic mystery to the work and leaves it up to the reader to decide what it's about, which is much better than expressing a feeling in a more conventional way, jmo.

Anyway, very good work. I'm excited to see what the future holds for this thread. Keep writing, friend.

__________________

appleghost

Yeah, I agree. I don't know why I wrote that, actually. Probably because most of the people who live where I live often just think abstract is weird and dumb.
I'm glad there are more open-minded people here

Thank you! This inspires me to write more!
I'm trying to expand my range of writing, so don't be surprised if I post a rap or something

Sljslj

The world needs people who think outside of the box. Without people like that, we'd still be living in caves... or worse. Don't let people tell you your ideas are dumb. There's nothing dumb about creating something you can be proud of. "Weird" is another story... I take that as a compliment most the time. haha

Good to hear.

__________________

appleghost

Yeah, weird usually is a compliment for me as well, but their definition of weird isn't the same as mine.
Thanks.