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Old 05-16-2012, 03:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
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"Rusty Cars"

take me to the broken homes
the barking dogs and rusty cars
take me home
take me home

take me to the concrete faces
the smashed open windows
take me home
take me home

take me to the darkest ink
the cut down trees and closing eyes
take me home
take me home

take me to the hanging ropes
the voices through the forest
take me home
take me home

'cause I'm driving a car
with the devil in the backseat
hearts on the floor
and no one can track me

take me to the broken homes
the barking dogs and rusty cars
take me home
take me home
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Old 05-18-2012, 03:48 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Sleepy, sad nights.
I don't know what I'll call it. Probably something absurd.



yoghurt blues
hurt us both after all
taste all the fish souls
painting my bedroom
changing the colours

yoghurt blues
turned the camera on
the photos are gone
filling the empty space
blurred out questions

it hurt us both after all
what mattered then
Last edited by appleghost; 11-02-2012 at 05:28 PM.
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Old 05-19-2012, 05:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by appleghost View Post
"Rusty Cars"

take me to the broken homes
the barking dogs and rusty cars
take me home
take me home

take me to the concrete faces
the smashed open windows
take me home
take me home

take me to the darkest ink
the cut down trees and closing eyes
take me home
take me home

take me to the hanging ropes
the voices through the forest
take me home
take me home

'cause I'm driving a car
with the devil in the backseat
hearts on the floor
and no one can track me

take me to the broken homes
the barking dogs and rusty cars
take me home
take me home
This is really simple and a bit cliche, but that's fine... I like it. I like that you seem to happy in a place that might be kinda "ghetto" because it's your home. I can relate to that. Thanks for sharing that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by appleghost View Post
Sleepy, sad nights.
I don't know what I'll call it. Probably something absurd.



yoghurt blues
hurt us both after all
dead fish
painting my bedroom
changing the colours

yoghurt blues
turned the camera on
the photos are gone
filling the empty space
blurred out questions

it hurt us both after all
what mattered then
Very nice. I don't really understand what it's about, but that's okay. Interesting read.

c4c?
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Last edited by Sljslj; 05-19-2012 at 05:36 PM.
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Old 05-19-2012, 06:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sljslj View Post
This is really simple and a bit cliche, but that's fine... I like it. I like that you seem to happy in a place that might be kinda "ghetto" because it's your home. I can relate to that. Thanks for sharing that.
Hmm... I understand what you mean. Do you have any suggestions on what to change/add/remove?
Thanks, I like it myself, and I'm glad I've written something someone can relate to

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sljslj View Post
Very nice. I don't really understand what it's about, but that's okay. Interesting read.

c4c?
Thanks!

c4c? What does that mean?
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Old 05-19-2012, 06:41 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by appleghost View Post
Hmm... I understand what you mean. Do you have any suggestions on what to change/add/remove?
Thanks, I like it myself, and I'm glad I've written something someone can relate to
One of the best stanzas is the one that breaks away from the flow of the rest of the lyric:

Quote:
'cause I'm driving a car
with the devil in the backseat
hearts on the floor
and no one can track me
Though I wonder what you mean by "no one can track me." Are you running away? What are you running from? What does it have to do with going home?

Anyway, the original thing I wanted to say was maybe add another part like that, which, if done right, would make the lyric much more interesting. jmo.

Quote:
Thanks!

c4c? What does that mean?
You're welcome.

C4c is comment for comment. Just wondering if you'd comment on some of my lyrics and poems I have posted in this forum. If you'd rather not, it's fine.
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Old 05-20-2012, 04:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sljslj View Post
Though I wonder what you mean by "no one can track me." Are you running away? What are you running from? What does it have to do with going home?

Anyway, the original thing I wanted to say was maybe add another part like that, which, if done right, would make the lyric much more interesting. jmo.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm running from something, though I know I want to go back there. In a way.

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Originally Posted by Sljslj View Post
You're welcome.

C4c is comment for comment. Just wondering if you'd comment on some of my lyrics and poems I have posted in this forum. If you'd rather not, it's fine.
Okay, I'll check them out!
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Old 06-04-2012, 02:39 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I realize that
I've forgotten how to walk,
like the strangers on the trains,
living for the handshakes,
tripping and falling,
tripping and falling
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Old 06-12-2012, 03:05 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default In an elevator
the weekend lights
they chase me down
they chase me down
the hallways
always on
always off
taxis, trains
dark city sounds
the weekend lights
chase me down
the hallways
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Old 07-04-2012, 04:01 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I'm not sure if I like it yet, I will have to wait a couple of days. I think I do. And it's not done yet, either.

"Rat Gold"

she breaks the window
she's laughing at what she's become
saying "tomorrow"
with her mechanic laughter
she's driving faster
only a crash away from home
in a soulless taxi
the future
she makes me feel like

she has these dreams
amazing how one can break down
telling us stories
what an ironic way to end
she's driving faster
the sound of wheels spinning around
momentary disaster
the future
she makes me feel like

all my faults
all my faults
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:07 PM   #20 (permalink)
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You've got an interesting style, appleghost. Each poem creates a distinct atmosphere and plot, like a snippet from a movie scene. They'd make a nice anthology.

"Rat Gold" kind of reminds me of The Great Gatsby.
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