Rangeroad15

Mary Janes More than a little insane,
Dirty little addiction to the fame/
Mixin all her pain into a syringe,
Dirty little secret cause anyone gets in/

Chorus:
Yeaa, were not ready to go,
An hit the open road/
We're gonna lose track,
N never look back, we're gonna let loose,
Tie it to that knoose
Yeaa, where not ready to go

Verse:
Paint my heart withold your lust,
Dirty little creatures crawlin round in the dust/
Pickin me away ya piece by part,
Dirty little bitch got me right from the start/


Chorus repeat


What do you all think. My first ever song

irisblind

Haha your first verse made me think of janes addiction and faith no more because of the use of the words. I find your verses to be more interesting than your chorus with their use of somewhat angsty metaphors and simple rhyming. kind of seems like you would fast sing/rap them in the style of rage against the machine.

It's not brilliant, especially the chorus. But it's definitely good for a first song and would work well as a proffessional peice.

This was just me trying to be critical man, because there's nothing worse than being told ****s great when its not, because people are overly afraid of hurting your feelings. Constructive criticism is really good and you don't even have to take it to heart because its just one persons opinion.

Definitely suits a fast paced grooving alternative song. Kyuss, Rage, Avenged Sevenfold etc.

__________________
When soul drags behind..
...Men seem to divide

Rangeroad15

Thanks mate for the critique! I dont know why but i like to hear the verse over the chorus and the same goes for when im writing. I got some more stuff that im just trying to work out and then it will go up but again, it is kind of the verses that carry the song. Is there anything wrong with that? Does a good song have to have a chorus that carrys the song?

Automatic Writing

Hey man, definitely not my style of lyrics, you're pretty brash and straightforward. I think some kickass music would reinforce what you're trying to do with your lyrics, you have a sense of introspection but I don't think that's what your song is about.

Rangeroad15

hey ya i wrote some pretty powerful rythym and sound for this sound, its deffinitly not something everyone is going to like but im a fan of it and if i could figure out how to upload the music to this site maybe you'd get a bit of an idea on how the song goes together

DonSTX

Nice **** man, I think that could make more sense. But I think, that's just a matter of time you will write better lyrics.

Rangeroad15

Heres a song i just penned, im working on getting music for both of my lyrics up on here but i dont know how. Anyways here's the new song. Slow and heavy accousitc sound.

And she tells me, dont bother calling/
its over, were not gonna wait and see/
she hates me, but its ok/
were both movin on in our own way/

Well she tells me, dont worry im fine/
bull****, your torn your broken your lying/
she hates to admit, but the more she's away
the less i feel the same\

And she tells me, dont bother waiting/
its over right now, and im leaving/
shes hates the truth, buts she's going through
the worst time of her life/

So i dont care if you lie
the time has come the last goodbye
so i dont care if you cry
im feeling better and your deadweight in my mind