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Old 04-16-2012, 04:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default angsty rap lyrics

Please give me advice on how to make it better im not really sure what im doing but im having fun with it


blunted in the bomb shelter/
helter skelter/ chiefin pixie dust thats
jack white/
dead weather/
act right
leisure weezer/ making songs about a
****ing hash pipe
-------
but hey.. its white person
tatted
see me on the block/lookin kinda sad/holdin a
semi/automatic/
fantastic damage
sexy? im bringin back tragic
just kiddin tho im chilling bro
really tho rappers lyrics are
immatireal
gimme all yo money and gimmmey all yo residuals
who gives a shit
im ignorant
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Old 04-16-2012, 09:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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The way you transcribed it is confusing to be honest, can't really figure out the flow.

I don't really like it when white rappers say they are.
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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thanks goofle

the flow is more or less like how it reads.

I was mostly trying to be hyper-referential because thats what i associate with good. Thats why I have all the musicians who influenced me in that openin stanza.

I was trying to be funny when saying "its white person tatted, see me on the block looking sad" but its probably self-indulgent your right.

What kinda flows do you like in rap? I was really concerned about changing flows but i think i overdid it a lot
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I understood the flow, but at the beginning, all of those words:
Quote:
blunted in the bomb shelter/
helter skelter/ chiefin pixie dust thats
jack white/
dead weather/
act right
leisure weezer/ making songs about a
****ing hash pipe
It's just a weird thing to start with, I feel. So much choppiness and everything, it took too long for me to get into the flow, do you know what I mean?
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I def do!! thanks for feedback sugah

I don't mind being slightly off-putting tho

For example it could be like:

blunted in the bomb shelter
i say bye to my hater
later alligator

It was sounding like that which i was tryin to avoid
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I like it a lot.

It's hard to tell how the flow is until you spit it over the beat.
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I def do!! thanks for feedback sugah

I don't mind being slightly off-putting tho

For example it could be like:

blunted in the bomb shelter
i say bye to my hater
later alligator

It was sounding like that which i was tryin to avoid
Actually, reading it over again, I liked it. But I haaaate "leisure weezer". I don't know why, it just sounds too singsong for me. But maybe that's your thing! I don't judge! I'm glad there's no "later alligator" or "say bye to my hater" though, that's super cliche.
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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yeah i agree, "leisure" weezer has got to go. It a ****ing tongue twist trying to say that on beat.
thanks guys.

and sugar, i'm surprised you didn't notice i completely stole a nicki minaj line at the end there
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Oh my god, I must have skimmed over it!

GIMME ALL YO MONEY AND GIMME ALL YO RESIDUALS.

Nicki, I have failed you.
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:39 PM   #10 (permalink)
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its just fun to say that lyric for some reason
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