Sparky

Please give me advice on how to make it better im not really sure what im doing but im having fun with it


blunted in the bomb shelter/
helter skelter/ chiefin pixie dust thats
jack white/
dead weather/
act right
leisure weezer/ making songs about a
****ing hash pipe
-------
but hey.. its white person
tatted
see me on the block/lookin kinda sad/holdin a
semi/automatic/
fantastic damage
sexy? im bringin back tragic
just kiddin tho im chilling bro
really tho rappers lyrics are
immatireal
gimme all yo money and gimmmey all yo residuals
who gives a shit
im ignorant

Goofle

The way you transcribed it is confusing to be honest, can't really figure out the flow.

I don't really like it when white rappers say they are.

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Sparky

thanks goofle

the flow is more or less like how it reads.

I was mostly trying to be hyper-referential because thats what i associate with good. Thats why I have all the musicians who influenced me in that openin stanza.

I was trying to be funny when saying "its white person tatted, see me on the block looking sad" but its probably self-indulgent your right.

What kinda flows do you like in rap? I was really concerned about changing flows but i think i overdid it a lot

Arya Stark

I understood the flow, but at the beginning, all of those words: It's just a weird thing to start with, I feel. So much choppiness and everything, it took too long for me to get into the flow, do you know what I mean?

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MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

Sparky

I def do!! thanks for feedback sugah

I don't mind being slightly off-putting tho

For example it could be like:

blunted in the bomb shelter
i say bye to my hater
later alligator

It was sounding like that which i was tryin to avoid

Phantom Limb

I like it a lot.

It's hard to tell how the flow is until you spit it over the beat.

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Last.Fm

My Bomb Music Shit

Arya Stark

Actually, reading it over again, I liked it. But I haaaate "leisure weezer". I don't know why, it just sounds too singsong for me. But maybe that's your thing! I don't judge! I'm glad there's no "later alligator" or "say bye to my hater" though, that's super cliche.

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

Sparky

yeah i agree, "leisure" weezer has got to go. It a ****ing tongue twist trying to say that on beat.
thanks guys.

and sugar, i'm surprised you didn't notice i completely stole a nicki minaj line at the end there

Arya Stark

Oh my god, I must have skimmed over it!

GIMME ALL YO MONEY AND GIMME ALL YO RESIDUALS.

Nicki, I have failed you.

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

Sparky

its just fun to say that lyric for some reason