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Old 04-16-2012, 03:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
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It really is. She has some good lyricism sometimes.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:04 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sparky View Post
Please give me advice on how to make it better im not really sure what im doing but im having fun with it


blunted in the bomb shelter/
helter skelter/ chiefin pixie dust thats
jack white/
dead weather/
act right
leisure weezer/ making songs about a
****ing hash pipe
-------
but hey.. its white person
tatted
see me on the block/lookin kinda sad/holdin a
semi/automatic/
fantastic damage
sexy? im bringin back tragic
just kiddin tho im chilling bro
really tho rappers lyrics are
immatireal
gimme all yo money and gimmmey all yo residuals
who gives a shit
im ignorant
Bold - I really liked this part, when I rapped it in my head it sounded right good.

Italics - I got really confused at this bit, mostly the "see me on the block/lookin kinda sad/holdin a" part, I felt as if I got lost and had to read over it a good few times but that could just be me not grasping the flow there.

Hat's off for having the courage to post your work

edit: I'm sorry for such a poor insight btw, I'm absolutely horrendous with words.
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
not really
 
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I cant rap
i smoke crack
and rhyme rap
with crack
and call it a rap

thats some nas **** right there
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
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^That verse just put you in my top 5 rappers of all time.
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
not really
 
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heres the version for the remix

i cant rap
woop woop
i smoke crack
swag ching-ching
and rhyme rap
STOP(danny brown voice)
with crack
trill
and call it a woop woop rap swag
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