|
Hi, would you rate my lyrics please?
Hi, I've written 3 songs, and was wondering if you'd let me know what you think! Be honest, thanks :)
1. I STILL LOVE YOU You walked away, yesterday, All alone, I am today I let you in, I shared your soul You broke my heart, you took your toll PRE-CHORUS You’re on my mind, all the time I wish i could give you a sign... CHORUS That I still love you I still love you I should have told you every day, I wish the pain would go away, Cause I still love you... I tried to call you on your phone, I’m sick of being all alone, I was complete, You were my life, I wanted you to be my wife PRE-CHORUS CHORUS It’s in the past, now you’ve moved on There one day, next you’ve gone You said some things, it meant nothing, I’d just bought you a diamond ring, taught a mockingbird to sing, i took you under my wing felt like a piece that didn’t fit, you once told me that I had lit up the candle of your heart now i can’t escape the dark you’re putting me through hell all that’s left’s an empty shell PRECHORUS CHORUS x2 I still love you, I still love you, Do you love me?, Do you love me?, You don’t love me, You don’t love me, You never loved me, You never loved me, But I still love you, I still love you, I still love you, I still love you, 2. FRIEND-ZONE You asked me what was wrong I’m gazing in your eyes “I love you with my heart, my soul and mind” Heart racing, butterflies I’m falling deeper in love, Deeper in love, Deeper in love, With you I thought that you were made for me I’d be with you until the end With those few words you broke my heart When you said “let’s just be friends” I told you of my love for you She takes my hands from her hips You look down towards the floor The smile faded from your lips You’re speaking with a cold, blank stare You walk away, and I’m alone Your words stuck in my mind Forever stuck in the friend-zone I’m falling deeper in love, Deeper in love, Deeper in love, With you I thought that you were made for me I’d be with you until the end With those few words you broke my heart When you said “let’s just be friends” You were one of my best friends, Our memories a distant thought, I loved you with my heart, soul and mind, The times we shared are all I’ve got, You’re on my mind every day And I still see you in my dreams You may not be perfect, baby But you’re perfect for me I’m falling deeper in love, Deeper in love, Deeper in love, With you You’re on my mind every day And I still see you in my dreams You may not be perfect, baby But you’re perfect for me 3. BALLAD OF THE BROKEN HEART You were my soul You were my life You’re cutting me Like a knife I thought that I had seen the light Holding on to you so tight I wish that you’d come back to me I was blind, but now I see I wish that I had seen the signs Before your hand slipped from mines My heart is breaking everyday Wishing my pain away You said I meant Nothing to you But since you’ve gone My heart’s in two When you’re around, my nerves were shot From the start your love I’ve sought At the start I was so shy Without your love I thought I’d die When I asked you to be mine I never thought I’d crossed the line I thought that I had seen the light Holding on to you so tight I wish that you’d come back to me I was blind, but now I see I wish that I had seen the signs Before your hand slipped from mines My heart is breaking everyday Wishing my pain away I wish you would Walk through my door And things would be As they were before I thought that I had seen the light Holding on to you so tight I wish that you’d come back to me I was blind, but now I see I wish that I had seen the signs Before your hand slipped from mines My heart is breaking everyday Wishing my pain away Thanks! |
They're pretty straight forward. Early Beatles-ish.
|
Im not trying to be mean or anything just to be honest. This is filled with so many used cliches. Seeing light and rhyming it with holding tight seems like a super easy way out of a real rhyme. The chorus especially needs some personalization.
I think you are off to a good start and you clearly know how to go about writing a song. BUT keep in mind how many love songs have been written in history. Do you want this to get lost in the masses of democracy? |
Quote:
Don't pay attention to how many times I use the word "cliche". :laughing: But of course even if the lyrics aren't great, the music as a whole can still be good. |
When depending on a rhyme scheme, going for the easiest, most cliche line is not the way to go. Even if you were in a boy band, that doesn't really fly.
Write something that really means something real to you. Don't worry about your rhyme scheme; worry about the metre, if anything. |
Quote:
|
It's hard to write things that are real to me. I tend to write with a little surrealism.
|
I don't mind what you've done here; I can really relate to the second one in particular. However as has been said the consistent "love" cliches are a little monotonous. Try and vary your themes a little more to avoid this. But nonetheless the're all pretty solid.
|
yea I dont think he is every going to come back.
|
Quote:
|
Sorry for the late reply folks! But thanks very much for the input, totally see where you're all coming from! Thanks, appreciate it! :D
|
I love how it's to the point, and doesn't use big words that no one can understand. Your lyrics are true, and relateable.
****Can someone help me????**** Just some ideas I wrote down while listening to Something In The Way - Nirvana (instrumental) These are bits of my poetry, ideas of what I want the song to be about; any lyric ideas? simple, straight to the point, not too wordy? "I taste the silence as it infests my mind. A touch of sanity and bitter hate, Yet I need its warm embrace." "It’s okay, don't pity me, please. I have no friends..but maybe it's better that way" "My mind is an overwhelming mess of dark and twisted thoughts that have taken over and chased out the soul I once had. Maybe it's better for me to be alone with myself..I can't handle people. I can't handle the boundless pain inside me, let alone the pain of everyday life. I'm too bitter and hostile for people. I hate people because people hate me. I'll never live to be what I've worked for and I'll never live up to anyone’s expectations. Happiness is a forgiven emotion to me. If I have none within me, so how in hell can I share it with people? So I choose to be alone, because it's what's best. I've learned this the hard way over the past years. Over these years I have found my friend, they're in my head. " |
Jeff buckley is a good example of how to write love songs that aren't too cliche.
|
I think your lyrics are very relate-able. Your sense of expression is very keen, I think there was a comment about avoiding cliches but if that's something that comes naturally to you go for it.
|
I'm just gonna post a verse I've written.
Through eyes of ocean Our senses lost in devotion Treachery has changed my plans So many thoughts left unspoken. Any opinions? Criticism? Is it too cliche? |
Quote:
woah man i like that verse quite a bit and i cant even put together music in my head for it cause i think it coudl go with so many genres. Nice |
Quote:
|
Honestly not really my style...I'm not much for rhyming. Here and there it's fine and if it just happens, but otherwise it comes to seem somewhat corny and also like a structural restriction in expression. I don't really like the style...A little cliche like someone said, although the part about the mockingbird did stand out to me. It's a bit too concrete for my taste and it doesn't feel so raw and real as I like
|
Quote:
What I want to hear is the musical version. You are a poet for sure. But poets and musicians are different animals. I'm a poet and I'm impressed. The musical portion have you developed it? Do you have an idea for it? If you do definitely post a small demo of it on Sound Cloud or something like that so that we can all hear what some of this sounds like. |
They were good, but i found them too simple almost.
|
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:07 PM. |
© 2003-2025 Advameg, Inc.