Godly (quote, song, Horn, Computer)

Trauma · 05-05-2005, 09:08 PM

Um I only have one poem that I wrote on the computer.
I don't think I could make it into a song though.
It's too damn long and is abac not abab style.
It doesn't have a chorus or repeat either.
But here it is, it's called Godly.

Godly
Look at your skin of silk
Watch it cloak my thorns
Look at your soul of fire
Feel it come through your eyes

I love the way you love to burn
It complements your color
I love the way you love to yearn
To kill me without compassion

I smell the desperation
It smells like sweet dripping nectar.
I like the segregation
You can leave me without care

Give me all your fears
So that I can hold them in my heart
Give me your beauty as it appears
It would be something in which you take no part

Give me all your money
So that I can buy you when I want
Give me sweet blessed honey
The poison kills me quickly

I know you laugh at me more than crying
I interpret your actions better than people
I know that everything in this room is dying
And I know that you’re the host

So give me a taste of desperation
I want it to stay with the fear in my heart
So the honey will rot away my eyes
And throw sand on my fire.

Soon it won’t matter anymore
We’ll both be gone one day
Soon I won’t care anymore
The fear eats my fire away.

IamAlejo · 05-05-2005, 09:10 PM

I like it. And don't feel the need to write in ABAB...I seem to love free verse poems a million times more than a set rhyme scheme. The way it comes out above is perfect, and seems natural, like how you wanted it to come out.

Trauma · 05-05-2005, 09:11 PM

Why thankyou.

.angie. · 05-05-2005, 09:21 PM

yeah, thats a very good poem.

Trauma · 05-05-2005, 09:22 PM

Thankyou Angie lol.

.angie. · 05-05-2005, 09:24 PM

of course! i wish i could write like that.

SEVRINLEADER · 05-06-2005, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snickers

I know that everything in this room is dying
And I know that you’re the host

I like that part.

IMATOOL · 05-06-2005, 12:09 PM

Its very good, try adding and internal rhyme scheme or one with an Octave rhyme

ladyluckrules · 05-06-2005, 01:08 PM

I do like the idea of it being a song..

riseagainstrocks · 05-06-2005, 04:40 PM

the first stanza isn't abac.

but it still ain't half bad. and by half i mean like 80%

05-05-2005, 09:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
Trauma snickers Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: detroit Posts: 2,194	Godly Um I only have one poem that I wrote on the computer. I don't think I could make it into a song though. It's too damn long and is abac not abab style. It doesn't have a chorus or repeat either. But here it is, it's called Godly. Godly Look at your skin of silk Watch it cloak my thorns Look at your soul of fire Feel it come through your eyes I love the way you love to burn It complements your color I love the way you love to yearn To kill me without compassion I smell the desperation It smells like sweet dripping nectar. I like the segregation You can leave me without care Give me all your fears So that I can hold them in my heart Give me your beauty as it appears It would be something in which you take no part Give me all your money So that I can buy you when I want Give me sweet blessed honey The poison kills me quickly I know you laugh at me more than crying I interpret your actions better than people I know that everything in this room is dying And I know that you’re the host So give me a taste of desperation I want it to stay with the fear in my heart So the honey will rot away my eyes And throw sand on my fire. Soon it won’t matter anymore We’ll both be gone one day Soon I won’t care anymore The fear eats my fire away. __________________ A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño

05-05-2005, 09:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
IamAlejo Muck Fusic Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Virginia Beach Posts: 1,575	I like it. And don't feel the need to write in ABAB...I seem to love free verse poems a million times more than a set rhyme scheme. The way it comes out above is perfect, and seems natural, like how you wanted it to come out. __________________ a man, a plan, a canal, panama

05-05-2005, 09:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
Trauma snickers Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: detroit Posts: 2,194	Why thankyou. __________________ A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño

05-05-2005, 09:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
.angie. contrast&compare. Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 661	yeah, thats a very good poem. __________________ Jesus Christ, I'm alone again, so what did you do those three days you were dead?

05-05-2005, 09:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
Trauma snickers Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: detroit Posts: 2,194	Thankyou Angie lol. __________________ A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño

05-05-2005, 09:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
.angie. contrast&compare. Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 661	of course! i wish i could write like that. __________________ Jesus Christ, I'm alone again, so what did you do those three days you were dead?

05-06-2005, 12:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
IMATOOL Dr.StrangeLove Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 136	Its very good, try adding and internal rhyme scheme or one with an Octave rhyme

05-06-2005, 01:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
ladyluckrules D: Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: England Posts: 507	I do like the idea of it being a song.. __________________ AHOY SAILOR

05-06-2005, 04:40 PM	#10 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	the first stanza isn't abac. but it still ain't half bad. and by half i mean like 80% __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...