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12-11-2011, 12:06 AM | #1 (permalink) |
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 526
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My first poem ever
I see what I wish to become
on transparent slivers laid out on a bright lit screen as I live a sliver is placed on top with each sliver a new illusion is created a vision emerges; a hollow satisfaction of my creative thirst I believe I am maturing As the slivers accumulate squinting for a new vision becomes a hopeless effort every new sliver holds back too much light and creates to much distortion who the hell am I and the where the hell am I going I just want to remember what I saw first but against all my efforts the slivers only begin to pile Last edited by Odyshape; 12-11-2011 at 04:03 AM. |
12-11-2011, 09:45 AM | #2 (permalink) | |
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Join Date: May 2010
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Not bad. Very neat, consistent, not excessive.
Apart from not as good as the type of poems that begin with 'There once was a man from Nantucket', but those deserve a special regard, it's a good start. Honestly though, I'd keep at it. Seems a natural assemblage of words. No ego, just thought.
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12-11-2011, 02:11 PM | #5 (permalink) | |
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