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11-23-2011, 06:00 AM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3
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lolmaster's songwriting *feedback please*
Hello all, I'm lolmaster i've been attempting to write songs for 5 years and have gotten productive in the last 6 months writing a total of 17 songs, although people I know have been telling me my lyrics are good, I would like to have them checked out by a wider community of people I do not know. I chose a song which I believe reflects best the general quality of my songs, being neither the best or the worst.
This song is called "with fire", may be a bit repetitive but is designed that way, the style is pop/pop-punk, the rhythm is quite slow, also it could be too "lovesick teen" for some of you but thats my style . Here goes: Oh my heart is burning up again For you Oh my head is flying away For you I think, I...I...I'm in love again My heart is burning up again (with fire) My eyes are lighting up again (with fire) Fire like the hand of god Fire like the lightning struck U say ur heart has hardened up U say ur faith is broken up So u will focus ur hate Blow ur smoke in my faaaace But My heart is burning up again (with fire) My eyes are lighting up again (with fire) Fire like the rising sun Fire like the nighttime sung Oh I spent so much energy But you brought me to my knees Oh I tried to make u mine But u turned ur back on me Ohohohh now My heart is burning up again (with fire) My eyes are lighting up (with fire) Fire like the shadow's light Fire like my heart of might I should have broken all my ties 'Cause Your truth was made of lies It's time to show who I can be To release the best of me 'Cause My heart is burning up again (with fire) My eyes are lighting up again (with fire) Fire like your eyes are bright Fire like my fists will fight Every second that I spent Staring at your perfect face Will make my heart a perfect mess And your hate will be the king My heart is burning up again (with fire) My eyes are lighting up again (with fire) Fire like the moon will glow Fire like the water's flow Oh for every dream that I waste On your truly hopeless traits My head will be blown away You will set me astray 'Cause My heart is burning up again (with fire) My eyes are lighting up again (with fire) Fire like the wind will blow Fire like the king will bow... Feedback is much appreciated, thank you. Last edited by lolmaster; 11-23-2011 at 06:09 AM. Reason: Wrong title |
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