Taylorpaige1346

What i have written has meaning behind it . So it may not make sense to those reading it but please be honest on what you think . -

You were sitting in the street .
Caught my eyes by your looks ,
My heart by the words that you speak .
You are the music to my heart ,
And if you ever left ,
I'd be torn apart.
My dreams are now my nightmares ,
But that's okay .
Because my dream has came true ,
And if you were wondering that dream is you .
I am true to you as the sky is blue ,
And I will always know i can say the same for you.


Thats all I have so far but what do you think ?

kittyCatt2012

You were sitting in the street .
Caught my eyes by your looks ,
My heart by the words that you speak .
*This feeling isn't like anything I've read in books*
You are the music to my heart ,
And if you ever left *me*,
I'd be torn apart.
My dreams are now my nightmares ,
But that's okay .
Because my dream has came true ,
And if you were wondering that dream is you .
I am true to you as the sky is blue ,
And I will always know i can say the same for you.

What you have is very good. In my personal opinion, the second line didn't quite flow with the rest. So by adding another line, the additional line makes it flow.

Ska Lagos Jew Sun Ra

this is a series of non-sensical lovey dovey mumbo jumbo that a 5 year old could have spewed out in three seconds, not a song.

Focus on the melody, and instrumentation first. Anybody can just spew out nonesense with a rhyming scheme.

__________________
Al Pacino = God

theboy2226

i like it