What do you think of these song lyrics I wrote?

XXra4chelXX · 12-08-2010, 04:04 PM

HAUNTED:
All these memories
Going through my head
Like a romance movie
With a tragic end
All the time we spent
All the things we did
You expect me to forget?
(Forget)

Is it the way you touched me
And the time we kissed?
Or all the tears I've cried
And longing for your lips?
It was just you and me
Against the whole wide world
You expect me to forget?
I can't forget

Get out
Get out of my head
Release me
From this curse I'm in
Wake me
Up from this bad dream
Leave me alone
Stop haunting me
(Haunted, haunted)

You left scars on my heart
And scars on my skin
I see them everyday
So how could I forgive?
You said you'd love me forever
Til the day I died
But I'm alive
Dying inside

Get out
Get out of my head
Release me
From this curse I'm in
Wake me
Up from this bad dream
Leave me alone
Stop haunting me
(Stop haunting me)

I can't stop thinking about you
I can't stop dreaming about you
Every night I cry myself to sleep
Hoping never to wake up

Get out
Get out of my head
Release me
From this curse I'm in
Wake me
Up from this bad dream
Leave me alone
Stop haunting

Get out
Get out of my head
Release me
From this curse I'm in
Wake me
Up from this bad dream
Leave me alone
Stop haunting me

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 12-08-2010, 05:14 PM

I won't beat around the bush here, I'm going to be brutally honest about these.

I think you are very competent technically. You seem to either have experience writing songs or a natural sense of meter - and your rhyming skills are up to par.
That being said, I didn't care for these lyrics on the creative level. I don't think they are creative at all, in fact. The subject matter is cliche, and rarely do they do anything but muddle about in goopy psuedo-romantic nonsense.

You came close to employing some more effective imagery with the lines about the scars. Expound on that and try to use more imagery in the future. I also enjoyed the lines

You said you'd love me forever
Til the day I died
But I'm alive
Dying inside

Aside from the "love me forever" part (which frankly made me want to gag), I found these words to be very powerful and beautiful.

Like I said, you are perfectly capable of writing. But you need to dig a little deeper and do something less cliche. Keep writing lyrics! Good luck.

12-08-2010, 04:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
XXra4chelXX Groupie Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Canada, eh? Posts: 5	What do you think of these song lyrics I wrote? HAUNTED: All these memories Going through my head Like a romance movie With a tragic end All the time we spent All the things we did You expect me to forget? (Forget) Is it the way you touched me And the time we kissed? Or all the tears I've cried And longing for your lips? It was just you and me Against the whole wide world You expect me to forget? I can't forget Get out Get out of my head Release me From this curse I'm in Wake me Up from this bad dream Leave me alone Stop haunting me (Haunted, haunted) You left scars on my heart And scars on my skin I see them everyday So how could I forgive? You said you'd love me forever Til the day I died But I'm alive Dying inside Get out Get out of my head Release me From this curse I'm in Wake me Up from this bad dream Leave me alone Stop haunting me (Stop haunting me) I can't stop thinking about you I can't stop dreaming about you Every night I cry myself to sleep Hoping never to wake up Get out Get out of my head Release me From this curse I'm in Wake me Up from this bad dream Leave me alone Stop haunting Get out Get out of my head Release me From this curse I'm in Wake me Up from this bad dream Leave me alone Stop haunting me

12-08-2010, 05:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	I won't beat around the bush here, I'm going to be brutally honest about these. I think you are very competent technically. You seem to either have experience writing songs or a natural sense of meter - and your rhyming skills are up to par. That being said, I didn't care for these lyrics on the creative level. I don't think they are creative at all, in fact. The subject matter is cliche, and rarely do they do anything but muddle about in goopy psuedo-romantic nonsense. You came close to employing some more effective imagery with the lines about the scars. Expound on that and try to use more imagery in the future. I also enjoyed the lines You said you'd love me forever Til the day I died But I'm alive Dying inside Aside from the "love me forever" part (which frankly made me want to gag), I found these words to be very powerful and beautiful. Like I said, you are perfectly capable of writing. But you need to dig a little deeper and do something less cliche. Keep writing lyrics! Good luck.