Are these poems any good?

Ghost · 02-14-2011, 11:28 PM

LUNELIGHT. How's it gooooing! I'm gonna comment on your lyrics "Unworthy Soul" cause they somehow spoke to me, cliche as that sounds. I just kinda get what they are and where they're coming from, because at the moment I'm feeling the same as you described. Almost. But anyways, a couple of lines that I liked were "Every road thus far i've followed to a dead end/Along the way I found and lost what I thought were friends." and "When winter turns the ripples above me to ice/So shall it freeze the pain in my eyes". Buuut, the only line that I thought to be slightly awkward was "Sinking, death embraces me. No light...". Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about it, it's just that where you placed it was kind of odd. To me. Anyways, good work, keep it up!

LuneLight · 02-17-2011, 03:18 PM

Thanx Ghost... Lol ur right, that line does seem a bit out of place hey... I think I lost track of what I was trying to write when I reached that part of the poem.

LuneLight · 03-20-2011, 12:58 PM

I imagine the stars falling from the sky and the ground giving way beneath my feet
Winds swirling as I fall through dust
I'm dreaming about the end of the world
Its life seeping through the cracks
And everything is falling into the end until they turn to black

Every time I open my eyes there's less to see
Life slips by so fast, it seems as though i'm frozen
And as it all disappears around me I can't hold on to anything good
I remain asleep, alone and frozen...

Drifting above the clouds I feel nothing but the silence tearing my skin from the bone
My eyes shatter. The portrait of my soul is cracked
Shadows come for me and take me to the dead ground
They lay me down
Stars fall from the sky, the ground gives way beneath me
And I'm falling through the dust

Mr November · 03-21-2011, 05:12 PM

Good poem about mortality. I think it must be about the anxiety of knowing you're going to die, and being aware that time is running out to make something of life.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I liked it.

crukster · 03-22-2011, 03:13 PM

your poems suck you should feel bad

LuneLight · 03-23-2011, 07:54 PM

Maybe i'm crazy for letting the years roll by believing that there's still something between us,
Because i'm looking at you now as you're living your life...
And i'm trying see where I fit in... But I don't.
Seems you've already forgotten...
And a part of me wishes that you'd be in my shoes
But the part of me that loves you hopes that you'll never be...
I still want you to be happy no matter what
But letting you walk away with someone else leaves me so empty...
Everytime you try to get away, your lips move but I don't hear what you say
I don't want to hear "goodbye"
Maybe i'm crazy for feeling this way

I'm still hoping that something I say will make your heart skip a beat and force you to remember the way you said you'll love me beyond this world's boundaries
But every attempt I make at getting closer to you only makes you slip away that much faster
But no! This isn't the way it goes in my mind
You're supposed to realise that i'm all you need and you'll run away from everything to be with me...
Together we'll show everyone what love really is...

You say i'm crazy for thinking this way...
Maybe I am because the years roll by and I still believe there's something between us.
i'm looking at you now as you're living your life...
And i'm trying see where I fit in... But I don't.
Seems you've already forgotten...
And a part of me wishes that you'd be in my shoes
But the part of me that loves you hopes that you'll never be...
I still want you to be happy no matter what
But letting you walk away with someone else leaves me so empty...

crukster · 03-23-2011, 10:01 PM

That didn't suck I apologise. Nice work. I relate.

LuneLight · 06-24-2011, 04:24 AM

A darkness took the place of you and left me in this place
Where I turned cold in the absence of your heart
Footprints reside all over the grounds where my angel stood
Where his words turned my love to stone
*
He knew what to say to make me believe he came from heaven
As strong as I was, I was only a puppet in his hands
I was eager to believe in every promise
My faith in him was strong
Until I gave him my soul and he was gone
*
He painted a portrait of my pain
In shades of grey, a body lay bare and twisted in torment
Left to suffer in silence on a wall for everyone to see

Though I was empty, a heaviness pulled me to my knees
And the echo of a heartbeat filled the cavity in my chest
in the hole the angel left
I pray that this pain kills me
Turns me to fragments of grey
And with all the dust, the wind takes me away
So that I won't be deceived by angels again

ParadoxQ · 06-24-2011, 07:40 PM

I loved grey angels. Pretty much how you described everything. Got nothing I want to change or replace. The kind of litteratur I enjoy, and it's all so gentle. Well done mate.

LuneLight · 10-06-2011, 11:49 AM

Shut your eyes and freeze time
Let me lay with you for a little while
Make believe we were strong enough to make it as far as we dreamed
While it's dark we can just keep on believing that we've always been and will always be this happy
Just don't open your eyes

Is there anything I could do to stall the sunrise?
I'd sell my soul for this illusion
As long as it's dark
I see things as I want them to appear

Close your eyes and put your hand in mine
We'll go on living as if nothing ever went wrong
You don't need to be afraid
You're safe if you want to be
The darkness will keep our lives so far away
And we can pretend this is the only life we've ever had
Just don't open your eyes

What do I have to do to stall the sunrise?
I'd sell my soul for one more night in this illusion
As long as it's dark and shadows keep the world from me
I see everything as I want it to be

Close your eyes and let's be perfect
We can pretend that this is really who we are
As long as it's dark we can still be happy
Until the sun rises and forces us back into our broken lives

03-20-2011, 12:58 PM	#33 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	End of my world... I imagine the stars falling from the sky and the ground giving way beneath my feet Winds swirling as I fall through dust I'm dreaming about the end of the world Its life seeping through the cracks And everything is falling into the end until they turn to black Every time I open my eyes there's less to see Life slips by so fast, it seems as though i'm frozen And as it all disappears around me I can't hold on to anything good I remain asleep, alone and frozen... Drifting above the clouds I feel nothing but the silence tearing my skin from the bone My eyes shatter. The portrait of my soul is cracked Shadows come for me and take me to the dead ground They lay me down Stars fall from the sky, the ground gives way beneath me And I'm falling through the dust Last edited by LuneLight; 02-15-2012 at 07:11 PM.

03-23-2011, 07:54 PM	#36 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Crazy for feeling this way Maybe i'm crazy for letting the years roll by believing that there's still something between us, Because i'm looking at you now as you're living your life... And i'm trying see where I fit in... But I don't. Seems you've already forgotten... And a part of me wishes that you'd be in my shoes But the part of me that loves you hopes that you'll never be... I still want you to be happy no matter what But letting you walk away with someone else leaves me so empty... Everytime you try to get away, your lips move but I don't hear what you say I don't want to hear "goodbye" Maybe i'm crazy for feeling this way I'm still hoping that something I say will make your heart skip a beat and force you to remember the way you said you'll love me beyond this world's boundaries But every attempt I make at getting closer to you only makes you slip away that much faster But no! This isn't the way it goes in my mind You're supposed to realise that i'm all you need and you'll run away from everything to be with me... Together we'll show everyone what love really is... You say i'm crazy for thinking this way... Maybe I am because the years roll by and I still believe there's something between us. i'm looking at you now as you're living your life... And i'm trying see where I fit in... But I don't. Seems you've already forgotten... And a part of me wishes that you'd be in my shoes But the part of me that loves you hopes that you'll never be... I still want you to be happy no matter what But letting you walk away with someone else leaves me so empty...

06-24-2011, 04:24 AM	#38 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Grey angels A darkness took the place of you and left me in this place Where I turned cold in the absence of your heart Footprints reside all over the grounds where my angel stood Where his words turned my love to stone * He knew what to say to make me believe he came from heaven As strong as I was, I was only a puppet in his hands I was eager to believe in every promise My faith in him was strong Until I gave him my soul and he was gone * He painted a portrait of my pain In shades of grey, a body lay bare and twisted in torment Left to suffer in silence on a wall for everyone to see Though I was empty, a heaviness pulled me to my knees And the echo of a heartbeat filled the cavity in my chest in the hole the angel left I pray that this pain kills me Turns me to fragments of grey And with all the dust, the wind takes me away So that I won't be deceived by angels again Last edited by LuneLight; 11-27-2018 at 12:18 PM.

10-06-2011, 11:49 AM	#40 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	As long as it's dark Shut your eyes and freeze time Let me lay with you for a little while Make believe we were strong enough to make it as far as we dreamed While it's dark we can just keep on believing that we've always been and will always be this happy Just don't open your eyes Is there anything I could do to stall the sunrise? I'd sell my soul for this illusion As long as it's dark I see things as I want them to appear Close your eyes and put your hand in mine We'll go on living as if nothing ever went wrong You don't need to be afraid You're safe if you want to be The darkness will keep our lives so far away And we can pretend this is the only life we've ever had Just don't open your eyes What do I have to do to stall the sunrise? I'd sell my soul for one more night in this illusion As long as it's dark and shadows keep the world from me I see everything as I want it to be Close your eyes and let's be perfect We can pretend that this is really who we are As long as it's dark we can still be happy Until the sun rises and forces us back into our broken lives Last edited by LuneLight; 02-15-2012 at 07:16 PM.

02-14-2011, 11:28 PM	#31 (permalink)
Ghost Groupie Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Where am I? Posts: 29	LUNELIGHT. How's it gooooing! I'm gonna comment on your lyrics "Unworthy Soul" cause they somehow spoke to me, cliche as that sounds. I just kinda get what they are and where they're coming from, because at the moment I'm feeling the same as you described. Almost. But anyways, a couple of lines that I liked were "Every road thus far i've followed to a dead end/Along the way I found and lost what I thought were friends." and "When winter turns the ripples above me to ice/So shall it freeze the pain in my eyes". Buuut, the only line that I thought to be slightly awkward was "Sinking, death embraces me. No light...". Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about it, it's just that where you placed it was kind of odd. To me. Anyways, good work, keep it up!

02-17-2011, 03:18 PM	#32 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Thanx Ghost... Lol ur right, that line does seem a bit out of place hey... I think I lost track of what I was trying to write when I reached that part of the poem.

03-21-2011, 05:12 PM	#34 (permalink)
Mr November Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Halifax, Canada Posts: 429	Good poem about mortality. I think it must be about the anxiety of knowing you're going to die, and being aware that time is running out to make something of life. Maybe I'm wrong, but I liked it.

03-22-2011, 03:13 PM	#35 (permalink)
crukster Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 181	your poems suck you should feel bad

03-23-2011, 10:01 PM	#37 (permalink)
crukster Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 181	That didn't suck I apologise. Nice work. I relate.

06-24-2011, 07:40 PM	#39 (permalink)
ParadoxQ Groupie Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 46	I loved grey angels. Pretty much how you described everything. Got nothing I want to change or replace. The kind of litteratur I enjoy, and it's all so gentle. Well done mate.