Are these poems any good?

ravenRAWRRR · 11-11-2010, 09:15 PM

slightly darker than the others. i like it

LuneLight · 11-11-2010, 09:46 PM

You glowed ten shades brighter than the rest of the crowd across the dancefloor!
I stood against the mirror with stroh rum in my hand
Under the strobe lights I became hypnotised by you
and the look in your eyes told me you've had all the men you ever wanted to have

Didn't think i'd feel such a rush as your breath dampened the nape of my neck
But I was surprised when your kiss turned to a bite
You tasted my blood and then you fed me your night

Your touch is static lust tingling on my skin, through my bones
You make me feel alive for the night but when the sun came up, the high had already gone down
I can tell you're a predator, you always fight and you always win!
With just one touch of your lips, you'd already infected my head!

You tasted my blood and then you fed me your night!
Now i'm fading away all of my light
And your poisoned red wine spilt over my shirt, spreading stains that could never be erased!
And before my lustful eyes you shed your human form
You're a liftetime of hurt...

ravenRAWRRR · 11-12-2010, 05:13 PM

sooo... im confused... its about a vampire right?
cuz ive been reading waaaay too much abstract poetry lately and i have a hard time taking everything i read in a literal sense. but im getting a literal sense from this...

David Graey · 11-12-2010, 06:41 PM

keep it up! Are you writing them as poetry or as lyrics?

ravenRAWRRR · 11-12-2010, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by David Graey

keep it up! Are you writing them as poetry or as lyrics?

im getting feeling of poetry as opposed to lyrics cuz there hasnt really been a chorus in any of them. i mean not ALL songs have a chorus. but the majority do. and if your aiming for a song and WANT a chorus, some of those verses could easily be transformed into one

anyways, im really enjoying reading these.

LuneLight · 11-20-2010, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ravenRAWRRR

sooo... im confused... its about a vampire right?
cuz ive been reading waaaay too much abstract poetry lately and i have a hard time taking everything i read in a literal sense. but im getting a literal sense from this...

basically it's about someone who was seductive and beautiful and what not but turned out to be 'evil'... so yeah, kinda like a vamp. hehe

LuneLight · 11-20-2010, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by David Graey

keep it up! Are you writing them as poetry or as lyrics?

i write them mostly as poetry... but i kinda would like to turn some of them into lyrics but unfortunately i dnt know how to write music. maybe one day

LuneLight · 11-20-2010, 06:03 PM

just another room I'll never enter
another star I'll never reach
One more kiss left untasted
uncharted territory

what I feel and what I I wish for
can never be real, can't be right
Just when i've given up on the memories
there you are, the perfect picture of what I’ll never have

*I really do want to get lost and sink further into fantasy
let myself fall backwards and believe i'll land in the arms of angels
but i'v been here before
I know how it ends. I know I’ll lose.

*It didn't feel right to be happy in your arms when
you're not mine
And i'm not yours
I know I don't really love you
i'm just in love with the idea that maybe some day I could
And it's not like I wouldn't give you my hand and run so far away from here
But you understand it the same way that I do
What do we do when real life finds us?
Would you still hold my hand?
Would I still hold yours?

*There's a place that I see when I shut my eyes
I really wish I could take you there...
You'd like the way love grows there...
It grows without strain
Exists without pain...
*Hearts are never empty...
dreams are always real.
Love is without penalty
but with our eyes always open, we spend eternity
always wanting to feel the grounds of the uncharted territory

LuneLight · 11-26-2010, 09:25 PM

*Hey guys! This is the very first poem I wrote so don't laugh if it sounds too lame... Lol I was pretty young. Here goes...*

I woke up this morning without my face
I looked at the mirror, frozen in one place
Suddenly all my secrets poured out
Finally I saw what my life's all about

After a while put my face back on
It helps to make believe I am strong

As I enter the gates of school
I begin to feel like an outnumbered fool
Hands from all around push me to the ground
There goes another blemish to my fake crown

So I get home and curse my reflection
All I see are my imperfections
And I stand in that lonely place
Tears race down my fake face

I reach for the blade inside my drawer
And throw myself down in a pile on the floor
As I dig the blade into my bruised skin
The world slows down and i'm punished for the day
Tonight i'll let my tears run free when morning comes they'll hide again behind the smile of my fake face

LuneLight · 11-29-2010, 06:16 PM

My windows have been shut
No light to show me the way
I'm spread out on the floor
Downhearted... No spirit in my eyes
The doors to my freedom are closed
There's no escaping this desolate place

The music box inside my chest hums a lonely tune
Its insipid rhythm forms a sad picture when I close my eyes
It's just me and my music box in this cold room
I'm barely aware of the world turning around me
I am motionless

My shattered face lay beneath the torn sky
I'm a wounded bird never to take flight.
I wait to wither and die
cover my ears so they may not hear what's left of a mournful melody
The windows are sealed to suffocate and put to sleep the linger of a fractured beat

11-11-2010, 09:15 PM	#11 (permalink)
ravenRAWRRR Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: In a car under water... Posts: 82	slightly darker than the others. i like it __________________ "Flip my world inside out, honestly I like it better this way. When I mesh the night through the back of my eyes."

11-11-2010, 09:46 PM	#12 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Predator You glowed ten shades brighter than the rest of the crowd across the dancefloor! I stood against the mirror with stroh rum in my hand Under the strobe lights I became hypnotised by you and the look in your eyes told me you've had all the men you ever wanted to have Didn't think i'd feel such a rush as your breath dampened the nape of my neck But I was surprised when your kiss turned to a bite You tasted my blood and then you fed me your night Your touch is static lust tingling on my skin, through my bones You make me feel alive for the night but when the sun came up, the high had already gone down I can tell you're a predator, you always fight and you always win! With just one touch of your lips, you'd already infected my head! You tasted my blood and then you fed me your night! Now i'm fading away all of my light And your poisoned red wine spilt over my shirt, spreading stains that could never be erased! And before my lustful eyes you shed your human form You're a liftetime of hurt... Last edited by LuneLight; 05-19-2017 at 07:00 PM.

11-12-2010, 05:13 PM	#13 (permalink)
ravenRAWRRR Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: In a car under water... Posts: 82	sooo... im confused... its about a vampire right? cuz ive been reading waaaay too much abstract poetry lately and i have a hard time taking everything i read in a literal sense. but im getting a literal sense from this... __________________ "Flip my world inside out, honestly I like it better this way. When I mesh the night through the back of my eyes."

11-20-2010, 06:03 PM	#18 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Uncharted just another room I'll never enter another star I'll never reach One more kiss left untasted uncharted territory what I feel and what I I wish for can never be real, can't be right Just when i've given up on the memories there you are, the perfect picture of what I’ll never have I really do want to get lost and sink further into fantasy let myself fall backwards and believe i'll land in the arms of angels but i'v been here before I know how it ends. I know I’ll lose. It didn't feel right to be happy in your arms when you're not mine And i'm not yours I know I don't really love you i'm just in love with the idea that maybe some day I could And it's not like I wouldn't give you my hand and run so far away from here But you understand it the same way that I do What do we do when real life finds us? Would you still hold my hand? Would I still hold yours? There's a place that I see when I shut my eyes I really wish I could take you there... You'd like the way love grows there... It grows without strain Exists without pain... Hearts are never empty... dreams are always real. Love is without penalty but with our eyes always open, we spend eternity always wanting to feel the grounds of the uncharted territory Last edited by LuneLight; 10-06-2011 at 06:54 PM.

11-26-2010, 09:25 PM	#19 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Fake face Hey guys! This is the very first poem I wrote so don't laugh if it sounds too lame... Lol I was pretty young. Here goes... I woke up this morning without my face I looked at the mirror, frozen in one place Suddenly all my secrets poured out Finally I saw what my life's all about After a while put my face back on It helps to make believe I am strong As I enter the gates of school I begin to feel like an outnumbered fool Hands from all around push me to the ground There goes another blemish to my fake crown So I get home and curse my reflection All I see are my imperfections And I stand in that lonely place Tears race down my fake face I reach for the blade inside my drawer And throw myself down in a pile on the floor As I dig the blade into my bruised skin The world slows down and i'm punished for the day Tonight i'll let my tears run free when morning comes they'll hide again behind the smile of my fake face

11-12-2010, 06:41 PM	#14 (permalink)
David Graey Groupie Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: CO Posts: 11	keep it up! Are you writing them as poetry or as lyrics?

11-29-2010, 06:16 PM	#20 (permalink)
LuneLight Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Cape Town, SA Posts: 52	Closed My windows have been shut No light to show me the way I'm spread out on the floor Downhearted... No spirit in my eyes The doors to my freedom are closed There's no escaping this desolate place The music box inside my chest hums a lonely tune Its insipid rhythm forms a sad picture when I close my eyes It's just me and my music box in this cold room I'm barely aware of the world turning around me I am motionless My shattered face lay beneath the torn sky I'm a wounded bird never to take flight. I wait to wither and die cover my ears so they may not hear what's left of a mournful melody The windows are sealed to suffocate and put to sleep the linger of a fractured beat Last edited by LuneLight; 01-14-2013 at 05:43 PM.