ThePhanastasio's Song Lyrics and Such.

ThePhanastasio · 02-12-2011, 10:09 PM

All right - I know I'm going to regret this. It's demo quality at best, so I apologize for that immensely.

Also, I hate my voice, and my playing kind of sucks (to put it lightly...) so there's that.

Bitchfist Bukowski: Ends and Odds EP
1.) Fall 2005 - Stapleton
2.) Zarathustra - Stapleton
3.) Waste (Cover) - Anastasio, Marshall
4.) Bouncing Around the Room (Cover) - Anastasio, Marshall

The first two tracks are originals - reworked versions of the lyrics that exist in this thread. The sound quality is horrible because I fail at Audacity.

But I suppose if anyone's interested, it's here.

Ends and Odds

djchameleon · 02-13-2011, 12:36 PM

I downloaded it and listened to it but you are definitely right. Get your friend to toy around with it and fix the sound some. I couldn't ear the first two tracks all that well.

I really liked the last track though, the bouncing around the room cover. Who is the original band that did that song?

VEGANGELICA · 02-13-2011, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

All right - I know I'm going to regret this. It's demo quality at best, so I apologize for that immensely.

Also, I hate my voice, and my playing kind of sucks (to put it lightly...) so there's that.

Bitchfist Bukowski: Ends and Odds EP
1.) Fall 2005 - Stapleton
2.) Zarathustra - Stapleton

The first two tracks are originals - reworked versions of the lyrics that exist in this thread. The sound quality is horrible because I fail at Audacity.
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Hiya Phanastasio,

I listened to all four and will give comments mostly about the first two, since they are your originals.

1.) "Fall 2005" - I feel you have a very pretty, breathy voice but yes, it is too soft in the mix. The simple guitar strumming is nice but gets repetitive. I liked the final strum especially! I feel the song would benefit from having a more interesting song structure, although I realize that when a song is only 1:45 minutes there isn't a lot you can do. However, my notes include the word "repetitive," so I felt I should mention that.

2.) "Zarathustra" - the guitar strumming makes it sound very much like "Fall 2005." Again the vocals should be louder. I felt you should have more variation in the melody. As the song is currently, almost the whole 3:05 minutes of it has the melody going up a few notes then down again. This pattern is repeated throughout the song, again and again. I wanted to hear a section in which you BREAK OUT...a bridge section perhaps or a chorus in which you use higher notes or stretch them out in a different rhythm. I *do* like how you use pauses while singing. They give a nice feeling of waiting and wondering what will come next.

3. and 4.) The Covers. I noted that they had more variation in the melodies. "Waste" had a pretty melody, although I felt your singing was a bit out of tune at times which surprised me because you were spot on in 1. and 2. The guitar strumming...I recommend not strumming on every down beat. Perhaps include some fingerpicking or double the tempo occasionally? I'm always critically noting the repetitiveness in my own songs and thinking about ways to add more variety, so I am sensitive to this issue in other people's music.

Thanks for uploading these songs! I enjoyed hearing them. It's nice that you shared.

ThePhanastasio · 02-13-2011, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djchameleon

I downloaded it and listened to it but you are definitely right. Get your friend to toy around with it and fix the sound some. I couldn't ear the first two tracks all that well.

I really liked the last track though, the bouncing around the room cover. Who is the original band that did that song?

Thank you a lot for listening - I really do need to get the sound fixed, or get him to fix my recording setup.

And thanks! I'm glad you liked the last track - that's originally by Phish, but it's one of their songs that their fans typically aren't big on because it's kind of poppier than their usual sound. And the actual album cut (and most live versions) really don't have that much guitar at all, so that was kind of just done so that I could play through it and hope for the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA

Hiya Phanastasio,

I listened to all four and will give comments mostly about the first two, since they are your originals.

1.) "Fall 2005" - I feel you have a very pretty, breathy voice but yes, it is too soft in the mix. The simple guitar strumming is nice but gets repetitive. I liked the final strum especially! I feel the song would benefit from having a more interesting song structure, although I realize that when a song is only 1:45 minutes there isn't a lot you can do. However, my notes include the word "repetitive," so I felt I should mention that.

2.) "Zarathustra" - the guitar strumming makes it sound very much like "Fall 2005." Again the vocals should be louder. I felt you should have more variation in the melody. As the song is currently, almost the whole 3:05 minutes of it has the melody going up a few notes then down again. This pattern is repeated throughout the song, again and again. I wanted to hear a section in which you BREAK OUT...a bridge section perhaps or a chorus in which you use higher notes or stretch them out in a different rhythm. I *do* like how you use pauses while singing. They give a nice feeling of waiting and wondering what will come next.

3. and 4.) The Covers. I noted that they had more variation in the melodies. "Waste" had a pretty melody, although I felt your singing was a bit out of tune at times which surprised me because you were spot on in 1. and 2. The guitar strumming...I recommend not strumming on every down beat. Perhaps include some fingerpicking or double the tempo occasionally? I'm always critically noting the repetitiveness in my own songs and thinking about ways to add more variety, so I am sensitive to this issue in other people's music.

Thanks for uploading these songs! I enjoyed hearing them. It's nice that you shared.

Thank you a lot for listening. I'm really happy that you offered constructive criticism because I'm always looking for ways to improve, and my own perspective on my songwriting / playing can only help so much.

Also, yes, I do think they're a bit repetitive - the second track, I tried a more interesting chord progression than I usually do, but didn't spice it up at all otherwise. Really been meaning to rework that one in particular. The first song was written the day before I recorded it, and I changed the progression (making it more simplistic, actually) because I kept missing one of the changes and decided just to simplify it. I'll try to work on the version with the more spruced up chords and try to figure out some nice little runs to add in or something.

Again, thank you a lot for the constructive criticism!

I'm really going to work on implementing what you said into my playing / writing.

ThePhanastasio · 03-04-2011, 10:16 PM

I've been working on a new song. Still don't quite have the progression / melody where I want it, but it's getting there. Lyrically, I may do even more cleaning up than I already have.

The End

I don't believe fire and don't believe ice
Think it'll be more a happy medium
I think all of the followers will open their mouths
To eat up whoever is leading them
And even the faithless will be checking their coats
And even the faithful will let go of their hopes
And I cry of fury will be ripped from the throats
Of all all who had dared to believe in Him

I don't stand by pen and I don't stand by sword
Think everything's equally pointless
But I don't think knowing the end is near
Should be so inherently joyless
Listen, the echo draws you in
Listen, there it goes again
All these thoughts that began must end
Just know that you gave it your best

In the end, just being happy's all that matters
The friends you've made, the fun you've had, the laughter
You can say, "We've been alone, but truth be told,
In the end, all of the bad things don't matter."
Yes, we're here all alone, mankind left in the cold,
But in the end only happiness matters

And I've been happy
I've been happy
I've been happy
We've been happy

A match in the darkness
Lights the candle of our lives.

VEGANGELICA · 03-04-2011, 11:30 PM

Phanastasio,

My favorite line in the most recent lyrics you are working on is the following one, because I like the perspective you share of life being neither heaven nor hell but enjoyable on its own more mundane terms:

Quote:

I don't believe fire and don't believe ice

I also like the basic idea of the song...that you can be content with having a happy, satisfying life, needing to experience neither agony over oblivion nor rapture over hoped-for eternity.

The lyrics' cadence and rhyming remind me of limericks, which gives them a light-hearted feel that to me seems a little odd for the fairly serious subject matter, although maybe when the lyrics are put to music my impression will change!

I found myself wishing you used a different final metaphor, "A match in the darkness/Lights the candle of our lives," because this one sounds very cliche to me, although I like the idea that we don't need a lot of light to make a life worth living. These final lines make me start to sing in my mind, "You're....the light of my life, like a candle in the wind..." mixing together other light-based songs.

Light *is* nice. It's hard to avoid wanting to use it in a song. The image of a candle being lit just starts to sound kind of Hallmark cardish to me. It actually sounds like something I might write, because I go a bit gaga over light!

djchameleon · 03-05-2011, 03:17 PM

I agree with a lot of the things that Veng has said but I'd also like to add that with the final metaphor maybe you could use a more haunting image. Sure , it may go against how light hearted the poem is but it will resonate more imo.

You could try something using a lighthouse in a fogging area or go another cliche route with light at the end of the tunnel but I don't like that one too much.

or you could be a bit more modern and say like the back light of an iPhone on a dimly light street

Oh I really like my last idea , you could even go into more detail about the street because life is like a rocky road so maybe the street isn't paved well or something along those lines...cracked cobblestone street. Just a few ideas.

ThePhanastasio · 04-26-2011, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA

Phanastasio,

My favorite line in the most recent lyrics you are working on is the following one, because I like the perspective you share of life being neither heaven nor hell but enjoyable on its own more mundane terms:

I also like the basic idea of the song...that you can be content with having a happy, satisfying life, needing to experience neither agony over oblivion nor rapture over hoped-for eternity.

The lyrics' cadence and rhyming remind me of limericks, which gives them a light-hearted feel that to me seems a little odd for the fairly serious subject matter, although maybe when the lyrics are put to music my impression will change!

I found myself wishing you used a different final metaphor, "A match in the darkness/Lights the candle of our lives," because this one sounds very cliche to me, although I like the idea that we don't need a lot of light to make a life worth living. These final lines make me start to sing in my mind, "You're....the light of my life, like a candle in the wind..." mixing together other light-based songs.

Light *is* nice. It's hard to avoid wanting to use it in a song. The image of a candle being lit just starts to sound kind of Hallmark cardish to me. It actually sounds like something I might write, because I go a bit gaga over light!

Thanks, and sorry that I apparently keep forgetting to check this thread - d'oh!

Anyway - yes, I agree about the final metaphor. It's something I used on a piece that was supposed to be full of metaphors in a writing class, and it worked effectively there...and I just couldn't think of a good way to end the poem, and that popped back in my head.

I also think it kind of throws off the vibe a bit.

Working on fixing it. And about the rhyming...that happens to me a lot. I try to write with a really basic melody in my head, and sometimes it comes out sing-songy. Usually that's tweaked all to hell when I actually decide to really get the music with it. When I do the music first, it's not a problem...hm. Maybe I should remember that!

Quote:

Originally Posted by djchameleon

I agree with a lot of the things that Veng has said but I'd also like to add that with the final metaphor maybe you could use a more haunting image. Sure , it may go against how light hearted the poem is but it will resonate more imo.

You could try something using a lighthouse in a fogging area or go another cliche route with light at the end of the tunnel but I don't like that one too much.

or you could be a bit more modern and say like the back light of an iPhone on a dimly light street

Oh I really like my last idea , you could even go into more detail about the street because life is like a rocky road so maybe the street isn't paved well or something along those lines...cracked cobblestone street. Just a few ideas.

Thanks for the ideas, DJ! Still looking into tweaking this one. None of the chord progressions I'm putting to it are working to fully flesh it out, which is super lame. I may need to scrap it and just keep the best bits or something. I'm not sure.

ThePhanastasio · 04-26-2011, 11:46 PM

I've got a couple that I'm recording on right now. As usual, the lyrics will definitely be - and already are being - altered a bit. But these are the basic ideas.

Ashland (For Rett and Norm)

Friends are packing up and leaving;
Never thought I'd stay.
I always thought that I would be the first to move away.
Rett just got married and I wish him all the best.
And Norm is getting the Hell out;
Don't blame him in the slightest.

Shallow roots in my case seem to have the strongest grip
Keep waiting for the wind to come along and make them give
Maybe stars were meant to be born and not created
Maybe my being stuck here for all time was just fated

So, maybe I'll stay
Maybe I'm trapped
Trapped
Trapped

Rett once said that I would get out of here and be great
I would be in Hollywood;
I'd be far away.
Funny, I can't even see where it all went wrong
Everything I do's freelance
And I can't even write a good song.

William Shatner / Kathleen Turner

You deliver all of your lines like William Shatner
You pause for...emphasis.
And you kind of talk like Kathleen Turner;
Overall, I'm unimpressed.

Still, everytime I audition
There you are, reading my part.
And everytime, it's a battle...
Thank God, I mostly win.

I don't even care about your training
You're mediocre at best.
You're pushing 30 now; your looks are fading
Or at least they will be soon.

Still, everytime I audition
There you are, reading my part
And everytime it's a battle...
Thank God, I mostly win.

Now is the time
Now is the time
To confess that I think you're amazing

But I still think you act like William Shatner
Awkward pauses are the norm
And you very much sound like Kathleen Turner
But that's not such an awful voice

And everytime I audition,
There you are, reading my part
And everytime, it's a battle...
I'm sorry that I win.

VEGANGELICA · 04-27-2011, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

William Shatner / Kathleen Turner

You deliver all of your lines like William Shatner
You pause for...emphasis.
And you kind of talk like Kathleen Turner;
Overall, I'm unimpressed.

Still, everytime I audition
There you are, reading my part.
And everytime, it's a battle...
Thank God, I mostly win.

I don't even care about your training
You're mediocre at best.
You're pushing 30 now; your looks are fading
Or at least they will be soon.

Still, everytime I audition
There you are, reading my part
And everytime it's a battle...
Thank God, I mostly win.

Now is the time
Now is the time
To confess that I think you're amazing

But I still think you act like William Shatner
Awkward pauses are the norm
And you very much sound like Kathleen Turner
But that's not such an awful voice

And everytime I audition,
There you are, reading my part
And everytime, it's a battle...
I'm sorry that I win.

Phanastasio -

I *really* like this one. You tell an interesting (true-to-life?) story of jealousy mixed with deep admiration and empathy. I like the various emotions you describe having, with harsh criticalness being one of them, although that criticalness becomes some grudging approval as the song progresses to the end, where your allegiance becomes divided between yourself and your competition, for whom you also start to root.

I also like how strong your competition, an un-named, aging actress (?), seems to be since she is always reading the same part as you in auditions. You show her determination and persistence by having her reappear in the song three times, so that the structure of your song physically demonstrates her tenacity and almost annoying presence. Your lyrics manage to be humorous, heartfelt, and serious at the same time.

Very nice.

02-12-2011, 10:09 PM	#21 (permalink)
ThePhanastasio Killed Laura Palmer Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Ashland, KY Posts: 1,679	All right - I know I'm going to regret this. It's demo quality at best, so I apologize for that immensely. Also, I hate my voice, and my playing kind of sucks (to put it lightly...) so there's that. Bitchfist Bukowski: Ends and Odds EP 1.) Fall 2005 - Stapleton 2.) Zarathustra - Stapleton 3.) Waste (Cover) - Anastasio, Marshall 4.) Bouncing Around the Room (Cover) - Anastasio, Marshall The first two tracks are originals - reworked versions of the lyrics that exist in this thread. The sound quality is horrible because I fail at Audacity. But I suppose if anyone's interested, it's here. Ends and Odds __________________ Phish: Studio Discography Reviewed 100 Albums I Heartily Recommend My last.fm It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken Perhaps they're better left unsung

03-04-2011, 10:16 PM	#25 (permalink)
ThePhanastasio Killed Laura Palmer Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Ashland, KY Posts: 1,679	I've been working on a new song. Still don't quite have the progression / melody where I want it, but it's getting there. Lyrically, I may do even more cleaning up than I already have. The End I don't believe fire and don't believe ice Think it'll be more a happy medium I think all of the followers will open their mouths To eat up whoever is leading them And even the faithless will be checking their coats And even the faithful will let go of their hopes And I cry of fury will be ripped from the throats Of all all who had dared to believe in Him I don't stand by pen and I don't stand by sword Think everything's equally pointless But I don't think knowing the end is near Should be so inherently joyless Listen, the echo draws you in Listen, there it goes again All these thoughts that began must end Just know that you gave it your best In the end, just being happy's all that matters The friends you've made, the fun you've had, the laughter You can say, "We've been alone, but truth be told, In the end, all of the bad things don't matter." Yes, we're here all alone, mankind left in the cold, But in the end only happiness matters And I've been happy I've been happy I've been happy We've been happy A match in the darkness Lights the candle of our lives. __________________ Phish: Studio Discography Reviewed 100 Albums I Heartily Recommend My last.fm It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken Perhaps they're better left unsung

04-26-2011, 11:46 PM	#29 (permalink)
ThePhanastasio Killed Laura Palmer Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Ashland, KY Posts: 1,679	I've got a couple that I'm recording on right now. As usual, the lyrics will definitely be - and already are being - altered a bit. But these are the basic ideas. Ashland (For Rett and Norm) Friends are packing up and leaving; Never thought I'd stay. I always thought that I would be the first to move away. Rett just got married and I wish him all the best. And Norm is getting the Hell out; Don't blame him in the slightest. Shallow roots in my case seem to have the strongest grip Keep waiting for the wind to come along and make them give Maybe stars were meant to be born and not created Maybe my being stuck here for all time was just fated So, maybe I'll stay Maybe I'm trapped Trapped Trapped Rett once said that I would get out of here and be great I would be in Hollywood; I'd be far away. Funny, I can't even see where it all went wrong Everything I do's freelance And I can't even write a good song. William Shatner / Kathleen Turner You deliver all of your lines like William Shatner You pause for...emphasis. And you kind of talk like Kathleen Turner; Overall, I'm unimpressed. Still, everytime I audition There you are, reading my part. And everytime, it's a battle... Thank God, I mostly win. I don't even care about your training You're mediocre at best. You're pushing 30 now; your looks are fading Or at least they will be soon. Still, everytime I audition There you are, reading my part And everytime it's a battle... Thank God, I mostly win. Now is the time Now is the time To confess that I think you're amazing But I still think you act like William Shatner Awkward pauses are the norm And you very much sound like Kathleen Turner But that's not such an awful voice And everytime I audition, There you are, reading my part And everytime, it's a battle... I'm sorry that I win. __________________ Phish: Studio Discography Reviewed 100 Albums I Heartily Recommend My last.fm It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken Perhaps they're better left unsung