October rain

The world desires money and fashion
materials and the stars
but there's one feeling full of passion
which can also leave us with scars

L-l-love can rule the world
and embrace our lives with fire
new love enchanting this is love
our dreams start to fly, fly higher

Two souls exploring the romance
they mean the world to eachother
wishing and giving the heart a chance
they kiss and treasure another.

October rain

Creating a relationship within your heart
making believe that its real
all the pieces of the puzzle fit together
the turnings of a wheel
rolling into something wonderful
in which you have created
now you have to make yourself known
to that boy who for so long have waited

My heart is racing with anticipation
when he draws near
the thought of him touching me
all my fears dissapear.

Upon that stage
where he's fearless and brave
in the spotlight of my desire
awsome is his charisma
it sets my body on fire
all the tentions rising
when will he notice me
know that my love for him is forever
and together we are meant to be

Chorus: my heart is racing with anticipation ...

This is not what i've made up
its not just a crush
this is something real to me
being a dream is just not enough

Chorus: my heart is racing with anticipation ...

VEGANGELICA

Hello October rain,

First, I just want to make sure you saw that down in the section below is an Introductions thread where you can introduce yourself to the whole MusicBanter community. I missed seeing it for around a week after I joined, so I always think other newcomers will, too!

The stanza above is my favorite part of the two love poems/songs you posted. I feel your songs run the risk of sounding overly gushy as the speaker is carried away by the thrill of the strong emotions. This second song, for example, sounds to me very much like a song about a crush, since the speaker doesn't know how the boy feels. If someone doesn't know if the person returns the feelings, how can she know for sure that her own love will be forever? That seems to be too much to promise, and so makes me feel the song *is* about a crush.

Yet this stanza directly challenges the reader by saying the feelings are not just a crush. So, the stanza makes me think more about how we decide whether our feelings are just a crush or are something more, which is an interesting question.

I agree with you that a dream is just not enough...though dreaming of possibilities can be fun and exciting. I know the feeling you are describing in the song...and it's a nice feeling, the anticipation, the excitement! Right now your songs sound to me like the dream rather than the reality. That isn't a bad thing, though. I actually think a song describing accurately how a crush feels is very sweet and fun to hear!

Your lyrics made me decide to listen again to Jennifer Paige's "Crush" song YouTube - Jennifer Paige Crush and I thought someone's response to her song describes well what a crush feels like:

I agree with this person's view: a real crush doesn't feel minor and unimportant like Jennifer Paige describes. I feel your "Notice Me" song describes what a crush feels like much better than Jennifer Paige's!

One line I don't care for much in "Notice Me" is the one in bold below:

"making believe that it's real
all the pieces of the puzzle fit together
the turnings of a wheel
rolling into something wonderful."

You are using two metaphors that don't mesh: the pieces of a puzzle fitting together, and a wheel turning. I think you used "wheel" mostly because it rhymes with "real." I'd prefer you just stick to the puzzle metaphor. For example, instead of talking about a wheel you could say that the puzzle pieces fit together to form a picture of the two people becoming something wonderful.

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