Hey people, need comments on this song i wrote

CitlaliScarlett · 07-12-2010, 09:58 PM

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

We can't make up what was done
You can regret what you said
but I can't make the pain disappear
Just because yesterday was done

We have to say is and will
Not was because
It already was, but it is right now and it will be

There's no such thing as yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow

I was with you yesterday
But I'm alone today
I might be there tomorrow
I might be alone tommorow

But I can't change the past
So I have to say is and will
Not was because
It already was, but it is right now and it will be

There's no such thing as yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow
It's only today and tomorrow

The past is the past
and we have to live
The present and future
The past is the past
and we can't live yesterday

There's no yesterday
If we can't change it
It's only today
It's only tomorrow
It's only

I can't change what I said
I can regret what I said
I wish I could take it back
But now we both have to live with what we said

CitlaliScarlett · 07-12-2010, 10:03 PM

Last Time

I trip and fall
but I can't cry
Even though I want to die
But I make myself stronger
When I stand up after a fall
I'm not going to stop moving

Not for you,
It was the last time.
Not for you,
Don't expect me to be there for you

It's the last time
For a fight
So scream all you want
'cause I won't hear you tomorrow
and I make myself stronger
Every time I pick myself up
I'm not going to stop running

Not for you,
It's my last time
Not for a lie,
Don't expect me to catch you

Not for you,
Not any more, honey
It's the last time
My last time saying goodbye

I'm going to enjoy watching you die
Because I've decided for you
I'm going to like seeing you die
There's nothing left in you

Not for you,
It's my last time
Not for a lie,
Don't expect me to stay
Not for you
Not anymore, honey
It's the last time
It's my last time saying goodbye X2

It's my last time dying for you
It's my last time
And I'm saying goodbye

thomasracer56 · 07-12-2010, 11:12 PM

your first i felt was a bit repetitive and confusing with the phrasing, but your second made a little more sense. I like your second song, it was clear and easy to read, without the use of repitition. So, that's what I got, anyone else? Also, in your second song, I see at times it is forward-moving and at others remembering an arguement. Just what it sounds like to me, changes the mood and makes a less well-defined overall tone.

CitlaliScarlett · 07-13-2010, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thomasracer56

your first i felt was a bit repetitive and confusing with the phrasing, but your second made a little more sense. I like your second song, it was clear and easy to read, without the use of repitition. So, that's what I got, anyone else? Also, in your second song, I see at times it is forward-moving and at others remembering an arguement. Just what it sounds like to me, changes the mood and makes a less well-defined overall tone.

Yeah, that is what i thought. I felt it needed work, maybe some advice on how to change it? Anyways, thanx. I feel like the first one is all over the place while the second is pretty much straight forward. Stinks!!! I got really sick and my voice sounds awful!!! I won't be able to sing it or at least come up with some kind of tune for it!!! Grrr.....! It'll take a week or two to get better!! Well, thank you anyways.

thomasracer56 · 07-13-2010, 07:21 PM

No problem!

CitlaliScarlett · 07-13-2010, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thomasracer56

No problem!

Cool, like'd to be my editor?

Ha, only if you want, anyways, I'm thinking whether to preform a song I wrote or just preform one my band and I have learned, but I want something that says it's really us. Like something original, I would put it. All the songs have music to it, but I want to sing one with a true, strong, deep meaning to it. Also, they all have a sort of strong voice tone to it, but I think "You" has the only nice, soft rhythm to it and I know, the way the song sounds is important too, but I think the most important part of a song would be the part that is trying to give out a strong, truthful, message. Any idea???

CitlaliScarlett · 07-14-2010, 05:38 PM

Quick question to people out there, My band's name is "Burning Ashes" we're not sure if we want to change it, but if we do, we need help to replace the title. Any suggestions? If not, then anyone out there, please, do not steal unless you can come up with something good. Thanx

CitlaliScarlett · 07-14-2010, 06:18 PM

THINKING FOR A MORE APPROPRIATE TITLE SUGGESTIONS?
I'm too consumed within myself
Too lost to think right
What choice was I given left,
If only left to die or fight?

Don't leave me alone here
Don't leave me to die here

I'm drowning too much in tears
I can't escape all my fears
I'm drowning within your pain
But I still beg for you again

All my cares have taken over
These empty lies in which I live
What reason is there left to fight,
If we live to die and not die to live?

You left me abandon here
You left me bleeding here

I'm drowning too much in tears
Not strong enough to fight my fears
I'm drowning in your pain
I'm drowning in your blood

Too afraid to die alone
Too alone to see truth
I didn't want to be left alone
Your blood is my hands

I'm drowning in my tears
I'm not strong enough to run from my fears
I'm drowning in my pain
I'm drowning in(X2)

I'm drowning in
I'm drowning within

Grieving you is all that I know
Regretting is all that I know

CitlaliScarlett · 07-14-2010, 06:42 PM

Thought you could get away
Thought I didn't see it in front of me
Thought you could take it away
Well, I'm not the person you think I am

I'm better than what you thought I was
So shut up and listen

I've got no secrets to hide
But I understand when you don't know
What is going on in my mind
But just know I'm not just any fool

You're not special to me
You're just another in my life
You won't be able to get to me
Stop living in these clouds

I'm not as low as you thought I was
So shut up and stop

I've got no secrets to hide
I clearly know what,
What is going on in your mind
Hey, I'm not just any fool(X2)

I'm not! (Shut up!)
I'm not!
I'm not! (Shut up!)
I'm not!

I've got no secrets to hide
I clearly know what,
What is going on in your mind
I'm not just any fool
So shut up and listen

Stone Birds · 07-15-2010, 04:55 PM

could i try to make this a song?

07-12-2010, 09:58 PM	#21 (permalink)
CitlaliScarlett Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: somewhere and if you can here my call then you're down in this same world with me, if not, well.... Posts: 53	Bored again, didn't want to write about love, instead I wrote something diff....IDK Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow We can't make up what was done You can regret what you said but I can't make the pain disappear Just because yesterday was done We have to say is and will Not was because It already was, but it is right now and it will be There's no such thing as yesterday If we can't change it It's only today It's only tomorrow I was with you yesterday But I'm alone today I might be there tomorrow I might be alone tommorow But I can't change the past So I have to say is and will Not was because It already was, but it is right now and it will be There's no such thing as yesterday If we can't change it It's only today It's only tomorrow It's only today and tomorrow The past is the past and we have to live The present and future The past is the past and we can't live yesterday There's no yesterday If we can't change it It's only today It's only tomorrow It's only I can't change what I said I can regret what I said I wish I could take it back But now we both have to live with what we said

07-12-2010, 10:03 PM	#22 (permalink)
CitlaliScarlett Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: somewhere and if you can here my call then you're down in this same world with me, if not, well.... Posts: 53	Bored didn't try hard enough i think heard a friend say something like a "last time" Last Time I trip and fall but I can't cry Even though I want to die But I make myself stronger When I stand up after a fall I'm not going to stop moving Not for you, It was the last time. Not for you, Don't expect me to be there for you It's the last time For a fight So scream all you want 'cause I won't hear you tomorrow and I make myself stronger Every time I pick myself up I'm not going to stop running Not for you, It's my last time Not for a lie, Don't expect me to catch you Not for you, Not any more, honey It's the last time My last time saying goodbye I'm going to enjoy watching you die Because I've decided for you I'm going to like seeing you die There's nothing left in you Not for you, It's my last time Not for a lie, Don't expect me to stay Not for you Not anymore, honey It's the last time It's my last time saying goodbye X2 It's my last time dying for you It's my last time And I'm saying goodbye

07-14-2010, 05:38 PM	#27 (permalink)
CitlaliScarlett Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: somewhere and if you can here my call then you're down in this same world with me, if not, well.... Posts: 53	Quick question to people out there, My band's name is "Burning Ashes" we're not sure if we want to change it, but if we do, we need help to replace the title. Any suggestions? If not, then anyone out there, please, do not steal unless you can come up with something good. Thanx __________________ We only have one life, live it like it's the only, because it is. Love like it's the only thing in your heart. Listen to the things people say because they'll come back around someday. -My mentors and me

07-14-2010, 06:18 PM	#28 (permalink)
CitlaliScarlett Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: somewhere and if you can here my call then you're down in this same world with me, if not, well.... Posts: 53	New Song this is completely a work in progress don't feel it yet with song or lyrics THINKING FOR A MORE APPROPRIATE TITLE SUGGESTIONS? I'm too consumed within myself Too lost to think right What choice was I given left, If only left to die or fight? Don't leave me alone here Don't leave me to die here I'm drowning too much in tears I can't escape all my fears I'm drowning within your pain But I still beg for you again All my cares have taken over These empty lies in which I live What reason is there left to fight, If we live to die and not die to live? You left me abandon here You left me bleeding here I'm drowning too much in tears Not strong enough to fight my fears I'm drowning in your pain I'm drowning in your blood Too afraid to die alone Too alone to see truth I didn't want to be left alone Your blood is my hands I'm drowning in my tears I'm not strong enough to run from my fears I'm drowning in my pain I'm drowning in(X2) I'm drowning in I'm drowning within Grieving you is all that I know Regretting is all that I know

07-14-2010, 06:42 PM	#29 (permalink)
CitlaliScarlett Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: somewhere and if you can here my call then you're down in this same world with me, if not, well.... Posts: 53	some songs give off the singer's feelings. I hope you can guess mine Grr... Thought you could get away Thought I didn't see it in front of me Thought you could take it away Well, I'm not the person you think I am I'm better than what you thought I was So shut up and listen I've got no secrets to hide But I understand when you don't know What is going on in my mind But just know I'm not just any fool You're not special to me You're just another in my life You won't be able to get to me Stop living in these clouds I'm not as low as you thought I was So shut up and stop I've got no secrets to hide I clearly know what, What is going on in your mind Hey, I'm not just any fool(X2) I'm not! (Shut up!) I'm not! I'm not! (Shut up!) I'm not! I've got no secrets to hide I clearly know what, What is going on in your mind I'm not just any fool So shut up and listen

07-12-2010, 11:12 PM	#23 (permalink)
thomasracer56 Still Crazy Nutso! Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: California, USA Posts: 148	your first i felt was a bit repetitive and confusing with the phrasing, but your second made a little more sense. I like your second song, it was clear and easy to read, without the use of repitition. So, that's what I got, anyone else? Also, in your second song, I see at times it is forward-moving and at others remembering an arguement. Just what it sounds like to me, changes the mood and makes a less well-defined overall tone.

07-13-2010, 07:21 PM	#25 (permalink)
thomasracer56 Still Crazy Nutso! Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: California, USA Posts: 148	No problem!

07-15-2010, 04:55 PM	#30 (permalink)
Stone Birds myspace.com/stonebirdies Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here Posts: 1,401	could i try to make this a song? __________________ Silk & Tree Records //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V soundcloud.com/stonebirds [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :)