iamparm

I am writing a rap right now, and this is what i have written so far. I am planning to make it a little longer, but i really cant think of anything right now. can you guys please tell me what you think of what i have so far...

We be them,
Atrocious menaces lacin' vocals on the kicks so venomous,
And flippin ancient heiroglyphs, remember this,
This ain't nuthin but the genesis...

Check it, yeah,

Your gaspin' for air, as I steadily approach,
The fear got you tearin' out your hair,
And you almost come close,
To snatchin' up the mic and bookin home,
But my confident smirk got the crowd in the zone,
They ready to decypher this verse like Jerome,
Before you get all up in my hair like a pocket comb,
Phonetic pellets penetrate the microphone,
Then travel through the cords,
Out the speakers, and straight for your dome (dome),
Cuz you see worldwide critics know my game,
And sucka MC's can't help but stutter my name,
Abstract rhythms vibrate your tympanic membrane,


thanks for takin ur time to read it..

someonecompletelyrandom

I thought it was good. Of course it's you spittin it that'll really make it dope. Let me know if you get a track recorded.

I liked that alliteration 'Phonetic pellets penetrate' man that was pretty good.