right-track

HELP!

Will sympathetic members please spam my message box with random PM's so it exceeds it's limit and save me from the wrath of the VEGANAPOCALYSPE that has been unleashed upon my inbox...

Highwayman

As a whole, yes. You got your Italian sausage, you got your spicy sausage, your kielbasa. Toss some peppers and onions in there and your set.
But breakfast sausage....not my cup of tea. I can only handle it in small doses.

Speaking of lyrics...

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Soft silly music is meaningful, magical. - NMH

VEGANGELICA

I understand...you are writing to express yourself as you feel moved to do.

Oh, I see! I thought you meant that vicars just think they are the cream of the crop. I didn't realize you actually felt their morals are far greater than those of the rest of us. I guess I've never felt that to be true, so that thought hadn't occurred to me! Hmm...how do you know that person *wasn't* a vicar! I recall pastors saying atheist people like me (as I sit in the pew) are "dry twigs to be burned," quoting the Bible. Always gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling of welcome.

Yep. Sometimes, though, a good whine feels kind of good.

Well, technically I'd say "cream of the crop" is a cliche saying...but I actually don't always despise a few cliches in songs, because I feel they are powerful symbols that can be used effectively, especially if the writer puts a new twist on the saying somehow. My only concern is when people can't think of any other way to express themselves and may not realize they are thinking in cliches! Here's a nice list of cliches, by the way http://clichesite.com/alpha_list.asp?which=lett+1. I've been meaning to write a song that uses as many of them as possible. I think that would be a fun MB song contest!

Because you didn't tell the person directly to his face in his thread, and said it behind his back here, right-track. But now that I've PM'd you remorselessly, I know more about the situation.

I know you like irony...and I'm *always* sympathetic...so maybe *I* can spam your message box with random PMs.

Say, have you developed an on-line lisp?!

~ VEGANAPOCALYPSE

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right-track

Don't all vegans have lisps?
It goes with their black and red striped oversize knitted jumpers, buck teeth, freckles and matted hair.

TheCunningStunt

One from a while ago, don't really write much these days. I really need to finish a third verse. It's played acoustically in a folk sort of style.. Any comments would be appreciated.

Tails From A Broken Home

Look at the fire
Look at it, its turned blue
There's nothing they can say to each other
They were held stable by glue
There is nothing to say
Now that they're through
Their youngest sat on the landing
He has a slight clue
He knows the home is breaking
But there's nothing he can do

They had gone sour
Talking on the telephone
He wasn't one for taking sides
But he knows who was in the wrong
The neighbours never saw it coming
They were the talk of the fence
They thought talking about others
Made a whole lot of sense

Chorus:
Tails from a broken home
Suddenly four was three
The walls needed changing
Cos they couldn't leave them be
The gaps they need filling
They couldn't let no one see
That they were hurting
And there was no gaurentee
That they would even keep the key

VEGANGELICA

Cunning,

At first I thought the song was going to be funny, because "tails" should be "tales." I kept expecting the song to be about the tails of dogs from a broken dog house!

Then I realized the song was about a child dealing with the emotional wreckage of parents splitting up.

Is the "blueness" of the fire representing that the fire has gotten very hot? I thought I remembered that fires are hottest when they are blue...or is that coldest? Now I can't remember.

I feel that in this song the rhyming sometimes becomes more important than the meaning, so the rhyming becomes somewhat obtrusive to me. This is especially true for me on the lines, "He has a slight clue" and "They thought talking about others made a whole lot of sense." I think the lines about how the neighbors feel talking about others make a lot of sense seems peripheral to the storyline and could be altered without hurting the rest of the song. It sounds to me a little like it was put in as an afterthought to complete the rhyming pattern. Also, I feel the extensive rhyming gives the song a sort of humorous feeling to me, which I don't know if you want.

"Stable by glue" reminds me of the song "Steady as She Goes." In your song, is the glue not supposed to be very stabilizing? Your song seems to imply it wasn't very strong. Your song could actually be quite a good follow up to "Steady as She Goes" (a song a like loads)...showing what happens after a couple supposedly becomes stabilized by relationship goo/glue:

Raconteurs - Steady as She Goes

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glastonelle

Wow, you're good. I liked the first one the most, but they all have a certain feeling.

TheCunningStunt

Sorry, I write when drunk as well as late at night so I just copied and pasted it over. Doh.

I just meant it when something goes blue, it represents a certain sadness and sombreness..

Hmm, I do like songs to rhyme but I wrote bits of it, and instead of mindless rhyming I just waited for a while until things came to me so I believe your feeling of insincerity is a little bit off, but I wanted some humour in there. The idea of nosey neighbours that are just retarded. Neighbour hood politics always fascinated me. I remember when new people moved in to the neighbour and they were foreign, they were the talk of the fence and it was just strange to me, even as a young age.

The glue thing was a bit of a weak way in which to describe it, a bit of a cop out metaphor if I'm honest, even though the sincerity was there I couldn't really explain it. But it was just this certain couple were hanging on even though there were obvious gaps, and they forced it together (hence the glue)

Thanks for your feedback, it's really appreciated as always.

And thanks a lot Ellie

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Last FM

TheCunningStunt

I wish I knew how to record without it sounding utterly cack, it'd be great fun.

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Last FM

VEGANGELICA

Well, a song about tails would be fun! Maybe next time you're drunk you'll write something about tails.

Oh. That makes sense. It turns out blue flames (like with a candle or Bunsen burner) aren't indicative of cooler temperature, just less soot, so my idea that the blue color related to temperature was wrong. I looked it up.

Oh good, because I felt there was some humour in the comment about neighbors. Heh heh...as a fairly "observant" neighbor, I completely understand the gossiping about people on one's street! The benefit of nosey neighbors is that if you are attacked or your house is broken into, they will probably know and call the police.

So it was weak glue holding them together. Not epoxy. Maybe white Elmer's school glue. Maybe they got married too young!

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