Sljslj

A short poem....

I've ran away from everyone that loved me
I couldn't live with with what I'd done to them
Even when they said they'd forgiven me
I ran 'cause I couldn't do the same

Now I'm in another land and they love me
But I'm still making the same mistakes
And don't think I'll be forgiven again
I continue to kill 'till someone fires back
This time I run away into the black

I'll be happy now that I'm alone
I just can't function in this world
This is what the past has shown
I'll wait here in this position: curled
Waiting for something
Maybe nothing
It's all the same

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Automatic Writing

Oh man, that first stanza hits me pretty deep lol. And I've definitely used "it's all the same" as an ending lyric and also sort of as a personal philosophy.

Overall, it's a pretty great poem, I looked at some of your others and enjoy how visceral they are. The only critique or feedback I might have is that your poems seem to express one or a few emotions of the same spectrum, i.e. anger, sadness, regret, etc. If you put in an attempt at happiness or yearning for something positive, it makes the negatives even more powerful by contrast.

Sljslj

I'm glad you enjoyed it. That's all the matters at the end of the day: that others have just as much as fun reading my work as I do writing it.

And I'm also glad that you connected to parts of it on a personal level.

Those are the emotions I express because that's where I'm at in my life. The only times I'm inspired these days are times when my "negative emotions" are at their peak. But even so, I can see positivity in most of my writing. At the end of the previous poem, for example, I find happiness (or at very least contendedness), even if it's not a conventional idea of happiness. Or if you look at the one titled "Door", it ends with the hope of me leaving this place faux happiness for a place where I can truly be so. So... positivity? I think it's there, but I don't blame you if you don't see it. I have a completely different perspective on most (maybe all) of these than others do, so naturally I may see things that others don't.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to check out some of my work.

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appleghost

Pretty straight forward, but I like it.
I especially like the lines:

"The way they can take...
This beautiful concept...
And make it a deathtrap."

They create a brutal contrast, and paints images in my head (not very peaceful images, though).
Personally, I would have written it more like this:

"The way this beautiful concept
becomes a deathtrap"

...or something like that. It creates a more dramatic and drastic change of mood. But that's just my thoughts.
Other than that, the only thing I can comment is that it's, as said before, pretty straight forward. I would personally like a text about religion without using the words "God", "Holy warfare" and such.
But again, that's just my opinion.

I'll read more of your lyrics soon.
Sorry for not commenting earlier, I've been very stressed out lately

Rangeroad15

wow man put up some music behind this stuff and i think you would have a chance at something here, Im not a fan of what i think this music is. But i do like how much work goes into your songs

Sljslj

It was meant to be blunt, but maybe not so much so as it is. But w/e.

Lol. Those might be the only good lines in that one. I might take those lines and do something else with them, now that I think of it.

And I actually had it written something like that in the first place, and I like it better how it is now. Not trying to shoot down your idea... just saying.

It is straight-forward, but it doesn't bother me much. I said what I wanted to say. And I do have some lyrics in here that talk about God without being so blunt, such as... well... "God?"

No need to apologize. I'm just glad that you stopped by and had a look.

Keep writing, buddy.


I actually have music written (though not recorded) for 3 or 4 of my lyrics. It's only guitar for the most part, but some of them have other instruments as well... like "Mushroom", which has a harmonica intro and outro. So there is music for these, even if it only exists in my head. I wanna record, but I wanna do it right, and since I don't have the money to get good equipment, it's not gonna happen right now.

And what exactly do you think this music is? lol. Sometimes I'm not even sure.

Not to brag, but alot of what I write comes naturally... not a hell of alot of work goes into it.

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Sljslj

THIS DAMAGED SOUL

This damaged soul
Makes peace null and void
Who do we blame?
The soul itself?
Or the world in which we live?

There is no end to violence
Not until the world is silenced
Men killing men
There is no end

This damaged world
So unreal it's absurd
Do we call it insane?
It's just the norm these days
****ed up time in which we live

There is no end to violence
Not until the world is silenced
Men killing men
There is no end

Some just wanna see fire
To watch the flames grow higher
Over a fallen empire

Lost and damaged soul
Never meant to see this world
Do we blame God?
Do we blame God?
For a man falling apart at the seams
In a world following suit, it seems

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Sljslj

ALL OR NOTHING

I've been here several times before
Several hundred in my mind
Every time I leave this hellish place behind
In the glow of my taillights
It is soon iluminated again
Ten-fold, so bright

Something's gotta give, right?
Something's gotta change
And not just the scenery
'Cause a fire in any bed will burn one before they can wake
No, everything's gotta give
Everything's gotta change
Or nothing will

I'm done pretending it's worth pretending
'Cause now I may have found something worth defending
And next time I feel myself descending
I'll remember that while my failure was loud, my success will be deafening

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LuneLight

I like your lyrics a lot. I love how raw you are and can definitely relate to much of what you've expressed. Im no expert or anything, but good job.

Sljslj

A few new ones for y'all. I've unfortunately been putting some incredibly dirty substances into my body as of late, so these deal with drugs, addiction, and the accompanying storm. This is something I've written about before, but I feel that, for the most part, these are significantly different from my previous works.

I've attempted to label the stanzas to make them easier to analyze. Unlike the rest, the first has no labels as it is non-lyrical poetry.

I plan to explain and analyze some of these very soon, but I welcome criticism and questions if you have them.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy what I've done here.
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UNTITLED

Self-destruction
Is a funny thing
Like the Sun refusing to rise
An old star refusing to fall
Denial of nature
In exchange for nothing at all

Inclination
To watch an empty sky
Searching for the meaning of life
Or a reason why we die
Oh God
Oh God, why?

We've made our bed
And always knew we'd lie in it
But not like this
Already dead
Long before we lay down our head

Go to sleep

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UNTITLED

Verse 1
The most haunting phantom
Is not made of ectoplasm
Just lots of drugs and cheap rum
The real horror...is yet to come

Chorus
Let's analyze the human condition
The end of life and the transition
Let's analyze all of our conditions
Over a bump and a few beers
Let's over-analyze all our fears

Verse 2a
People say they want the truth
But they couldn't understand 'em
Explanations of pain and tantrums
They've never seen my phantoms
Nor ODed on ectoplasm
Just hand me that cheap rum
I'll wait...for the worst...to come

Verse 2b (Bridge?)
People say they want the truth
But most just wanna play the sleuth
To tell you what you shouldn't do
Aah... **** you

Repeat Chorus

Altered Chorus
Let's analyze the human condition
The end of life and the transition
Let's analyze all of our conditions
Over a bump and a few beers
Let's over-analyze all our fears
Every single one
Till we come undone
Isn't this fun?
Isn't this fun?

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BREAKING EVEN

Verse 1
Even considering where I've been
I can't believe this is where I am
Even considering any, every sin
No one should ever feel like this

Verse 2
Even though I deserve less than nothing
I still wonder if that's too much
Even though I'm glad to feel something
No one should ever, ever feel this way

Chorus
I've made decisions that weren't okay
And done naught as I began to fray
But just for one day, I need a break
Just one day, and then my dues, I'll gladly pay

Verse 3
Pay for everything I ever did
Even if the cost is my right to live
That's fine by me, if it is to be
Even if everything I must give
I'll accept it, won't struggle, not a bit

Repeat chorus

Verse 4
Even though I've got hell to pay
I'll take my punishment without a fight
Even though I've got more to say
I'll shut my mouth, and accept my fate

Bridge
Even with all this goddamned pain
I would die to have one more day
Without worry, regret, stress, or hate
Even with all this goddamned pain
I would make this my greatest day
And feel what it is to be okay
Before I fade beneath my fear and hate

Repeat verse 1

Repeat chorus

Altered chorus
I've made myself into something not okay
And failed to think I could ever fray
But just for one day, I need a break
Just one day, and then my dues, I'll gladly pay
I'll gladly pay

Coda x 4-8 (using the final line only as part of the final repetition)
One more day
Even half
One more chance
(Then I'll gladly pay)
To break even

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BREAKING ODD

Chorus (Refrain?)
I will break
Even before I hit the floor

Verse 1
Let's ignore every single fact
And the problems we should get past
In favor of grass and powdered glass
And half the night spent flat on your ass

Repeat chorus

Verse 2
Let's raise the black flag fast
The only way past half-mast
So what if we have no class
We are not ever coming back

Altered chorus
You would break
Even before you hit the floor

Repeat chorus

Bridge x 2
I set out to break even
But only broke odd
Sold any chance try again
So here I am, messed up and looking like a fraud

(the line below is used soon before the following verse, though not so soon that they could be thought to be part of the same stanza)
Oh well...**** it

Verse 3
Let's save the very best for last
Right before a hellish spell is cast
That'll leave me not intact
(Breaking odd)
Oh god, last time I ignore the facts

(guitar solo)

Verse 4
Said last time I ignore the facts
But wait since I'm strapped in, set
For what are sure to be final acts
I'll prepare for multiple impacts
Let's hope they're the most dramatic yet
For they're the last I'll ever get

Coda x 3-6 (the final line is only used in the final repetition; there is a brief pause between the fourth and fifth lines)
Breaking odd
A bet with God
Over how long it takes
For heaven's sake
Breaking odd
Just one more nod
One more high
Before I break
Oh, before I break
Oh, before I hit the floor

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SPENT (96 HOUR DAY)

Verse 1
These ninety-six hour days
Are ****ing killing me
But they always told me
"Live like you're dying"

Chorus
Now I'm feeling spent
Like money for the rent
Now I'm feeling spent
My body comes to collect this debt

Verse 2
A ninety-six hour daze
Might cost everything
Guess it's a good thing
I sold it all yesterday

Repeat chorus

Verse 3
Ninety-six hours and counting
More and more to get high
It's enough to make some cry
Tears of increasing potency
Spawning tales of no legitimacy

Bridge
Crystalline negativity
Medicine or poison?
Loss of individuality
And one choice: life or death?

Repeat chorus

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