Sljslj

Hmm... I'll see what I can do about getting a goat or two on there.

Obviously it's in need of some songs, but it's just not yet time for that. A friend mentioned getting a 4-track recorder, to which I'm not completely opposed. As soon as I do get some tracks up, you'll know, everyone will know because I'm going to advertise the hell out of it.

__________________

VEGANGELICA

Yeay about the goats!

And I was just kidding about the songs, too (although a goat would be a funny addition). I know you are planning to put the songs up later when you have them recorded to your satisfaction. I was just giving you a hard time, as usual!

Heh heh...this made me laugh. Your refreshing honesty and lack of hesitancy in promoting your music is really very sweet, Sljslj. I always like your go get 'em attitude. You are not a shy one! I think that's good: you have a vision and you are undaunted in seeing your vision through to completion.

__________________

Sljslj

I appreciate the compliment.

__________________

Sljslj

I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this. If I use it as a track, it'll be the heavy counterpart to the first "...Light...". I'm not completely satisfied with the lyric right now, but I'm not sure yet what I want to do with it.

THE LIGHT SEEPING THROUGH THE CRACKS, PT. 2

Without darkness
There is nothing
And without madness
You do not exist

How does the light evade your eyes…
When it nearly consumes you?
You can still capture that sunny day
That light seeping through the cracks

Why do you not try to escape…
From this cell, from yourself?
Call it hell, because it doesn’t exist
Without heaven

Without darkness
There is nothing
Without you
There is no light

__________________

Sljslj

EIGHT-THOUSAND HOURS SLEEP… A BLISSFUL COMA

The conscious world is so damn fake
So why do I stay awake?
Surely it’s not for my own sake
‘Cause I stopped caring about myself long ago

There’s nothing I want more than sleep
‘Cause my true home is a dream
Eight thousand hours of deep sleep
Nothing outside of that appeals to me anymore

Why must life be spent with open eyes?
Why can’t I just exist inside?
And live where I am most at peace
Eight thousand hours sleep, at least

I hate more and more things every day
I just want it to go the **** away
Everything but that dark light, just go away
All I want and need is to just go and stay

Why must life be spent with open eyes?
Why can’t I just exist inside?
And live where I am most at peace
Eight thousand hours sleep, at least

Life is so dead
Just need some rest
**** all the rest
Awake in sleep
A blissful coma
Is all I need
Just go away
Just go and stay

Consciousness is more than bleak
I hate this awakening streak
I just want to sleep forever
I just want to sleep forever

Why must life be spent with open eyes?
Why can’t I just exist inside?
And live where I am most at peace
Eight thousand hours sleep, at least

__________________

Sljslj

Thoughts on "Eight-Thousand Hours"?

__________________

VEGANGELICA

This sounds like depression, SljSlj!

I think you could write, "Surely not for my own sake" and, "Stopped caring about myself long ago" to get rid of extra words, if you want to.

Definitely depression! What is the significance of eight thousand hours? That's around 333 days, right? So...why?

You *could* just stay awake but close your eyes! Try this while walking under a train overpass as the train is going by. Quite a rush.

Back to your lyrics: I feel that when you ask "why" so often, it makes the song tip toward melodrama. When you ask so many rhetorical questions the song sounds to me more like an official speech or, conversely, like a diary.

The lyrics are consistent in expressing the "go away; life sucks" idea. Without any hints about *why* this person's life is so bad, the lyrics sound to me as if perhaps the person's reaction is overblown compared to the trauma experienced.

Or is the song intended to describe depression, in which the feeling of life's hideousness and superficiality becomes overwhelming and the person wants to withdraw completely into himself?

I like:
"Just need some rest
**** all the rest"
because you use two meanings of "rest."

"Just go away
Just go and stay"
sounds petulant. The lines make the lyrics sound a little humorous to me. I am reminded of one of my favorite poems, from an odd little book I read as a child:

"Touch me not. Touch me not.
Kiss me, I'll cry.
There's nothing the matter
but a tear in my eye.

I'll stand in the corner.
I'll sulk in the gloom.
And if I were able,
I'd SMASH the whole ROOM!!!!"

I always liked that poem!

__________________

Sljslj

Thank you. I wanted you to read this 'cause I know you, unlike some others, would try to be as honest as possible.

This is definitely based around depression. This is difficult for me to admit 'cause I really don't want you to think less of me, but... from time to time, I have suicidal thoughts. On the day I wrote this, I was thinking about these times; not considering suicide, just thinking about the thoughts themselves... you understand what I'm saying? The fact that this what was going through my head makes me think that sleep was used as a metaphor for death, though I'm not 100% sure of that.

Maybe

I just thought eight-thousand is a good number of hours 'cause it seems like a long time, especially to be asleep and eight is also the usual number of hours people suggest you sleep you each night, that's why it's not seven-thousand or six-thousand, but eight.

I take it you were trying to being smart-ass with this. Obviously, you could be awake with your eyes closed, but that's not the point of this line. I guess the subject (me?) would be feeling very lost in life, so naturally they would ask alot of questions.

I don't really think it's important why these thoughts are occuring at all, but I understand why you would want to know why. Maybe I'll write a follow-up to this that explains what led to these feelings.

Thanks, Erica.

__________________

VEGANGELICA

Sljslj, I would *never never never* think less of you for sometimes having thoughts of wanting to kill yourself. You are honest to admit it.

I do understand what you are saying. I had some tough times when I was 18, exacerbated by my mom telling me I had ruined all her expectations for me after I turned to her for help. As a result of events and people's reactions, I didn't want to kill myself completely, although I thought about it when anger at myself built up. I definitely wanted how I felt about myself and life to change. I felt hopeless to change it, as if I and my life were irreparably broken. I remember cutting hard German bread and staring at that knife and my wrist so delicate, so close and thinking...it would be so fast, so easy...and filling up with anger that made me *want* to do it, because if I was such an awful, worthless, disappointing person, why not? It isn't easy, being alive, sometimes. I think my questions were usually, "Why not? Why stay alive?"

I understand better now, after your explanation, how your song is trying to describe those times of wishing one's perceptions of life could end by divorcing oneself from life (such as through death). Maybe my discomfort with that is because I tend to want a song to offer me a way out of its viewpoint and your song does not. My response probably just reflects my own frustration when I can't always change my mindsets as readily as I wish...although MUCH better than I could when I was 18 and felt I was more subject to the whims of the self rather than being a co-captain choosing my direction, if that makes sense! So, when I read a song about depression I want to somehow make the feeling dissolve. Your lyrics do show the feeling of depression very well.

At first I thought maybe you were shooting for 666 days as some hidden reference to the devil! Your explanation makes sense.

You are right...I was trying to be smart-ass, probably as a tension release from reading the sadness in the song. I apologize. (I do mean it about the train, though: if you ever want a feeling of power outside yourself, stand underneath a train overpass with your eyes closed as the train barrels past overhead, going wherever it is going. Sometimes it is nice to be drawn away from oneself, if you know what I mean.)

I see your point about asking lots of questions when you feel lost in life. Here's a question for you (you don't have to answer!): when you feel lost, is it a type of lost where you can see how you came to feel that way (can you see the route you took to get to the state of feeling lost), or does the feeling just come over you regardless what's happening in life?

I agree why isn't as important as the feelings themselves. I'd like to know why. The feelings by themselves are so strong and dismal that I probably seek to understand the cause as an attempt to get out of the feelings by finding a solution, if there is one.

You're very welcome, Slj. Thanks for sharing so openly!

__________________

Sljslj

YOU CAN HIDE, BUT THESE THINGS WON’T GO AWAY

There’s a war outside
But you wouldn’t know
Just close the shutters
And hide behind your four walls

You are safe inside
To think all is well
Pretend that ain’t hell
Just beyond your front door

You suffer from ignorance
But whether you like it or not
The scars, they still exist
Indifference
Does not mean, these things
They go away

This non-stop death-ride
Brakes are not applied
Just ‘cause you close your eyes
You can’t hide from this forever

You suffer from ignorance
But whether you like it or not
The scars, they still exist
Indifference
Does not mean, these things
They go away

You can hide, but these things won’t go away
Unless we hold hands, unify, today
We gotta do this today, for of tomorrow
There is no guarantee, regret and sorrow
Is all there is unless you put fears away
Come outside

There’s a war outside
But we will end it
As we open shutters
All over the world, we open eyes

__________________