Song Critique Plx? "Oh, Karma"

pnerps · 03-22-2010, 10:33 PM

Harmer, harmer
you know this isn't me

Armor, armor
a shell, because of she

Farther, farther
away till you can't see

Karma, karma
what more am I to be?

Bitterness, better this
When my punishment undeserved,
Bitter this, betterness
I hope for change, absurd.
Betterness, bitter bliss
Only when alone,
Bitterness, better bliss
do I dread the come home.

Blame me, blame me
for reasons unknown

To see, to see
the pain to me you've shown

Feeling, feelings
disregarding my own

Karma, karma
rules apply to them alone

Bitterness, better this
When my punishment undeserved,
Bitter this, betterness
I hope for change, absurd
Betterness, bitter bliss
Only when alone,
Bitterness, better bliss
do I dread the come home.

Concerned, concerned
when our tears shed

Unheard, unheard
my cries of help have been

My word, my word
and support I gave when

Oh karma, karma
where the hell were you then?

Bitterness, better this
When my punishment undeserved,
Withered this, betterness
my hopes, like fire, burned.
Betterness, withered is
And once again, I'm alone.
Bitterness, bitterness
Oh karma, to me your face was never shown.

OceanAndSilence · 03-23-2010, 05:13 AM

nice stuff! seems this would go well in a killers-type tune.

Sljslj · 03-23-2010, 08:37 AM

Not exactly my ballgame, (I'm more of a metal man) but this isn't bad at all. With the right music to go with it, you might be able to pick up a record deal (assuming that's your goal.) check my stuff out if you like.

03-22-2010, 10:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
pnerps Groupie Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 8	Song Critique Plx? "Oh, Karma" Harmer, harmer you know this isn't me Armor, armor a shell, because of she Farther, farther away till you can't see Karma, karma what more am I to be? Bitterness, better this When my punishment undeserved, Bitter this, betterness I hope for change, absurd. Betterness, bitter bliss Only when alone, Bitterness, better bliss do I dread the come home. Blame me, blame me for reasons unknown To see, to see the pain to me you've shown Feeling, feelings disregarding my own Karma, karma rules apply to them alone Bitterness, better this When my punishment undeserved, Bitter this, betterness I hope for change, absurd Betterness, bitter bliss Only when alone, Bitterness, better bliss do I dread the come home. Concerned, concerned when our tears shed Unheard, unheard my cries of help have been My word, my word and support I gave when Oh karma, karma where the hell were you then? Bitterness, better this When my punishment undeserved, Withered this, betterness my hopes, like fire, burned. Betterness, withered is And once again, I'm alone. Bitterness, bitterness Oh karma, to me your face was never shown.

03-23-2010, 05:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
OceanAndSilence i write and play stuff Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 239	nice stuff! seems this would go well in a killers-type tune. __________________ http://www.myspace.com/chrisneto - tune in to chill out

03-23-2010, 08:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sljslj The Omniscient Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Reno, Nevada, USA Posts: 998	Not exactly my ballgame, (I'm more of a metal man) but this isn't bad at all. With the right music to go with it, you might be able to pick up a record deal (assuming that's your goal.) check my stuff out if you like.