DemonAura

So I stumbled across this forum just recently, I guess this will be my hello post as well as a submission. I read over a few postings and basically thought to myself "I wish I could write half that well". I thought about the excuses I always make for why I can't and eventually said screw it and tried to write a song about it.

The whole thing, including writing this post took about 15 mins, I'm open to any criticism, given this is the first set of lyrics I've ever remotely finished I take it as a learning experience. Also I began writing at 6am and am going to bed after posting this so, I expect the result to be hilarious when I wake up.

That all aside here it is! Untitled currently, you tell me when comes to mind and what the words tell you!

(Btw I had Panic!'s song "Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off" stuck in my head so any rhythmic similarities are to that song.)


Thanks in advance for anything! Including telling me rules I missed that I should know about her, I would rather not be the newest troll

VEGANGELICA

Hi DemonAura,

Thanks for sharing your first song lyrics and for introducing them in such a sweetly honest way!

The only recommended "rule" you have missed is that lower down (below the artists' corner) is an "Introduction" section where you can make a thread to introduce yourself to the whole community. I missed the introduction section when I first joined because, well, it is below the songwriting section, and I, like most people, read from top to bottom, rather than from bottom to top!

Now, on to the lyrics of your song about trying to find words you like to express yourself.

I thought it was cute that in the song you describe how the lyrics that worked were only in a dream...so the implication is that when you wake up, you can't remember them and are stuck with the not completely satisfying words you find when awake. At least, this is how I interpret these lines:

When you write, "records," do you mean the record of the words that seemed to work? Since "records" also means phonograph records, this line is a little confusing, I feel.

At the beginning of the song when you write the following, I recommend changing "it" to "they," since "they" refers back to the million words and the thousands thoughts.

My final comment is about the summary idea for your song, "two wrongs don't make a right." Do you mean that using two wrong word choices won't make a good song?

I love trying to find the words that express how I feel, and reading other people's descriptions of trying to do the same, so I had fun reading your first song. Welcome to MusicBanter!

~ Erica

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