Schmidti

Hello, everybody!
I don't know how your weather is, but in Germany, the winter doesn't want to go! And because of the never-ending winter this year, I've written a little song about the spring which comes after every long cold winter!
Now, relax and enjoy the video (maybe you activate the subtitles because perhaps you won't always understand my German English:-) )



Please let me hear your opinion and critics!

with many greetings
Schmidti

t3hplatyz0rz

I think that the amount of instruments you play well in this piece is quite enviable. I wish I didn't have to use a synth to do all those effects...
As for mixing, the violin was a little hard to hear.
You have some grammatical errors. Most of the time, though, your English was perfect. FAR better than any foreign language I know and all the errors I found were small enough to be forgivable.
But "The most part of the day" doesn't make any sense. Maybe it should be "For most of the day"? "The plant need fluid water" should probably be "The plants need fluid water" or "The plant needs fluid water". "But often the progress of a terrestrial year is the same as the progress of live" should end in "life" instead of "live". And "Please let me hear your opinion and critics" should be "Please let me hear your opinion and criticism".
Your accent can be bad at points, but it's not really all that bad.
And I loved your changes at 3:40. That was really cool and unexpected. You are an extremely talented musician.

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VEGANGELICA

Tag Schmidt!
Hier in Iowa ist es auch jetzt ziemlich kalt und ich freue mich auf Fruhling!

Your video and song are very professional. I feel t3hplatyz0rz does a good job making suggested grammatical changes in your lyrics. Would you perhaps like to type all the lyrics out here so that we can check them more closely?

One word choice that I would prefer to see altered is when you say, "Can't complain because I'm feeling all right." Since "feeling all right" is used so often in songs, this sounds rather generic. Still, it is true that spring makes me feel all right and peaceful!

I enjoyed seeing you play all your instruments...trumpet, violin, block flute, keyboards, and clarinet! I can see you enjoy putting all your musicality into your music. Your instrumental sections were well done. I especially like the energetic part (at 4:17).

I feel writing a song about a standard topic (such as seasons) can be difficult because it is hard to make the song fresh, which I felt your song did for the most part.

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The Fascinating Turnip

Fantastic, I'm quite impressed.
Do stick around.

Schmidti

Hey, everybody!
Thank you very very much for your feedback! Especially t3hplatyz0rz thank you for the quite detailed correction of my English! And thank you VEGANGELICA, you're German is quite perfect :-) Thanks for your praise! Here is the whole text:

Str.: It is dark and cloudy outside the most part of the day
so cold, dusty and gray that the happiness is getting away
This peculiar silence everywhere because the snow has covered every noise
Animals nowhere for the reason that they also don't like this freezing ice

it seems like the colors of the nature are reduced to black and white
may be nice the first moment but anytime the winter is adequade
the plant need fluid water, warmth and sun to grow
with the animals the same thing and the humans need it, too


Ref: But then theres always coming another spring,
where the white curtain falls and the birds begin to sing
so that the world is colorful once more

The sun gets powerful enough to make me warm,
to shine into my heart and expel the storm
so that I am feeling much better then ever before

The whole universe is now full of light
and I cant complain cause I am feeling all right



Br.:Often the progress of a terrestrial year
is the same as the progress of live
there are times where you are so much in hurry
that its hard to imagine to survive
you are learning, you are working, you are freezing, you are sweating
and it always doesn't be of use
you are hunting, you trying to get through it
but the bad stuff only make you confuse

Ref

VEGANGELICA

Hi Schmidti! I'm glad my one German sentence wasn't too terrible. I don't have much chance to practice German here in Iowa, but I have always loved German since I first spoke it (and then forgot it for years) as a child! Oddly, I always felt more "me" when I was speaking German compared to when I am speaking English. German words just sound more like the ideas feel. "Schnee" seems more like snow than the English word "snow" does, for example, to me.

Still, I understand the appeal of English lyrics in songs, since so many people know English.

I hope it is okay with you that I have gone through and given some suggested changes to your English lyrics below in bold:

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Schmidti

Hello, VEGANGELICA!
Thank you very much for your effort and work to correct my English text, this is really very useful for me! And you are the first one I've spoken who likes the German language, many people say that it sounds so hard and unfriendly, but nice to hear that you like it :-)
With the sentence "anytime the winter is adequate", you got it right, I actually mean that the winter can be nice for a time, e.g. everybody loves a white christmas, but when it takes too long (now, it's march and there's still snow), it is adequate. The white curtain should be an "image", of course the snow melts, but the white curtain falls :-)

Well, many regards to Iowa and thank you!

Schmidti

VEGANGELICA

You are welcome, Schmidti. Feel free to post other lyrics if you'd like me to make grammar or spelling suggestions, because I'd be happy to do that.

German has such a variety of different accents and dialects, and I agree some certainly do sound clipped and harsh! My East German friends in Berlin used to speak High German with me, but demonstrated their own local lingo, too, which was hard and clipped. My West Berlin friends, in contrast, spoke a very soft German...lilting, light. Before hearing them, I hadn't realized how gentle German can be.

When German *is* harsh, I feel it sounds much better...much more raw, to me...than English, which sounds rather mushy and fluid. I hope you also write some songs in German! Think of Nena's 99 Balloons song! That sounds much better in German than English, I feel.

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Schmidti

Hello, everybody!
Although, at first I didn't have the heart to post an German song, VEGANGELICA has motivated me to do it it anyhow, so you can listen to a little Rock-Pop-Song about my self-made Hippie-Bike! The verses are in German, but I can give you a little sum-up in English:


The text describes the development of the bike, that I have token my mother's old ladie's bike and tuned it up. In the several verses is desdcribed, how I make it coulourful, illuminate it with LEDs, make it loud with an MP3-Player and Boxes and an Akku-Pack and then riding through the country!

Here is the song with the video, its not as romantic as the "another spring" but very groovy and rocking I think! I now, the voice isn't the best but I wanted to let it rock :-)





I hope, you can get this great feeling of riding my hippie bike, here is the text in German, for those who understand it: (I think Youtube even has an translation-function for the subtitles, it doesn't work best, but it helps the understanding!)
And the Chorus is even made of 3 words in English :-) I hope, I didn't make a mistake in this chorus ;-)



Ein Damenfahrrad aus der Garage gehohlt
mit 5-Gang-Getriebe wird generalüberhohlt
Die Farbe ist öde, es wird neu lackiert
und die Lenkung justiert
und die Schaltung repariert

Was ich an Farbe übrig hatte machte ich jetzt hin,
das war sehr viel, nämlich rot und grün,
passend dazu klebte ich Blinklichter ran,
damit es in der Nacht schön blinken kann

Ref: And I ride, ride my Hippie-Bike…
… it rolls and rolls
and nobody
can stop me

Mein Dynamo reichte nicht für meine Lichterkette aus
also kaufte ich nen Akkupack und schmiss den Klump Dynamo raus,
dieser wiegt drei Kilo, ist ein ganz schönes Gewicht,
aber Hauptsache, ich hab in der Nacht genug Licht!

Um die Lichter zu bedienen macht ich Schalter vorne ran,
damit ich alles von vorne Steuern kann,
es ist so ruhig, ein Radio raufgebockt
und mein Hippie-Bike – es rockt und rockt

Ref

Eine Alarmanlage mit 130 Dezibel
macht jetzt mein Hippie-Bike diebstahlsicher,
der Radio war so leis, noch ein paar Boxen dazu,
ein MP3-Player ran, jetzt gibt es wirklich keine Ruh mehr

Jetzt kann ich mit Vollgas und Superstimmung durch die Stadt fahrn,
und jeder dreht sich um und schaut mich blöd an,
den kein Schwein fährt mit sowas rum,
also ras ich durch die Stadt und jeder schaut dumm

Ref


Hope you like it, please write, what you think about it!

with many greetings

Schmidti


AND I WANNA RIDE MY HIPPIE BIKE :-D

VEGANGELICA

Schmidti! Ha ha! I love your quirky, exuberant German rock song celebrating individuality and mechanical ingenuity!

I didn't notice any grammatical errors in the 3 English words of the chorus!

I love your German lyrics! Don't you think rhyming works well in German? I do!!! German is COOL, Andreas. I hope you will write more and more songs in German and English. I feel mixing German and English in a song works well, because I think English people always *wish* they spoke another language, and so hearing a song partly in German inspires their inferiority complex to emerge, and they can't help but like the song partly because they *wish* they understood it all!!

Do you want to post your own translation of the song in English? I feel that would be a good idea because then people can appreciate the details of what you did to the bike.

My one recommendation is to remove the "mehr" from that one line (see above) in the lyrics, because I feel it is unnecessary and hard to hear anyway when you sing it at the end of the line.

I like the subject matter very much. Focusing on this small aspect of life (renovating the old bike) probably reveals more about you as a person and about your joy for life than would writing the song directly about your personality and playfulness. Your song lyrics *show* how you interact with life rather than simply *describe* how you relate to life.

In case my explanation of this is confusing, I'll give an example. You could have written a song about how "I love being myself, doing my own thing, having fun, and solving problems that I face, " or you could write a detailed song about taking this old bike and renovating it to improve it then ride it around the beautiful landscape enthusiastically. I like the latter method the best: you show instead of just tell.

Again, as in the last song, your instrumental work is excellent! I like watching you rock out. I like the way you increased the tempo to create a frenzied feeling at the end.

And the video was great. Funny! It reminds me of being back in Germany. Lovely landscape, like you say. I chuckled to think of you riding your bike down those quaint streets with all the grandmas carrying bread in baskets watching you with shock and confusion: "und jeder dreht sich um und schaut mich blöd an." I also love the German word "blöd." I only learned that after going to Germany and then used it often. I hope sometime you'll write a German song using mostly German slang!

I admire that you aren't afraid to go out there and use your musicianship to create your one man shows. Your videos reveal to me your fearlessness, love of music, and probably also perfectionism (characteristics I share). I look forward to seeing what you come up with next!


~ Erica

P.S. I am glad to see you wearing a bicycle helmet!

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