NumberNineDream

Yup, I kinda found your poem a bit familiar... like something I would've wrote, if I was bored in History class lol.
I have the same problem, cause when I give much thoughts into a poem, it turns out to be a bit too emo-ish.

I think it all gets better with time, trying to find the whole balance. Or maybe see what you wrote subconsciously and try to pick the good parts and build them in a more strategic way... but there's definitely material you can work on there.

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storymilo

I don't think my thought-out poems would be emo... just boring. More boring, that is.

But my excuse is that I'm inexperienced... I just don't expect myself to have that much structure.

NumberNineDream

Mine turn out emo when I'm trying too hard to make my poems "deep"... thus making them less subtle than ever.
I think boring is still better than emo, so you're still good :P

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storymilo

Aren't poems deeper when you don't think them out anyways?

NumberNineDream

I guess so... I just decided to stop trying so hard, until I feel some inspiration coming my way.

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storymilo

You should start a thread.

if you feel like it.

NumberNineDream

Well I haven't written a single poem for more than 5 years ... If I write something, I'll definitely start a thread.

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storymilo

Haha so today I read a poem my friend wrote and my god.. it's what I picture your "emo poems" to be like Numbernine. On of the lines was, I believe, "The spike drills into the back of my head. I can't move." Or something like that

I'm sorry, this just cracks me up.

storymilo

this one sprung unto me as I woke up on a plane

The trees are falling, but it's just a farce.
Why not the leaves, but the bark
that peels off slowly
and sticks to my soles?

Why the sand, not the wind,
brushing it off while my hair burns
in the oven I can't
fit my hand out of?

We close the oven until it bursts
and we'll pick up the pieces next morning
and when we're done we'll fit back the clockwork
into ashes that are still alive.


more nonsense, yeh, for your pleasure.

VEGANGELICA

Hi Story! Your semi-nonsensical short poems are interesting! Like NumberNine said, they sound to me like stream-of-consciousness poems, where one idea triggers another, perhaps all expressing a certain mood or semi-hidden idea.

Your poem remind me of how a weird dream feels...except that when dreaming I think we often feel as if it makes sense...there seems to be a connection among the details while we are in the dream, and only when we wake up do we realize that it made absolutely no sense at all!

In your poem, what, if any, is/was the sense it made to you while writing it? Was it just a feeling of the difficulty of self-change that life forces us to experience? Or am I getting way too deep here, as usual?

I like this poem because the question it asks in the first stanza requires a shift in expectations, which is pleasant: how strange it would seem (at first), if the bark from trees, rather than the leaves, were deciduous. And the poem has a somber, disturbed feel to it, which you introduce by using "farce," though I don't know *what* the farce is.

I feel you could strengthen the poem by making the meaning (if there is one) a little clearer and by removing some of the symbolism (?) that makes understanding the poem difficult for me. For example, in the last stanza you combine an oven and a clock...two machines...and I'd prefer you focus on just one to make it seem a little more logical...but then again, if logic doesn't matter, then the poem works perfectly as is! Also, since the first two stanzas deal with the natural (non-human) world, I was surprised to have the oven in the last stanza: I expected another odd observation about nature.

Summary: your poems feel surreal, like a delightful and disturbing Salvador Dali painting.

Salvador Dalí (1904–1989), The Persistence of Memory, 1931, oil on canvas:

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