China On The Floor V1

euphonies · 02-01-2010, 11:37 AM

This is my first post on Music Banter, by the by

. I'm gonna stay using my handle here, but I like nicknames.

These are the lyrics to a song I've posted for critique on Youtube. My username is "TheEuphonies."

Wake up,
My loves
It's a beautiful day
Good for being broken and fading away
Porcelain and fabric, and it's such a show
When they forget themselves and it's you that they throw

Mama says it's a beautiful thing
vacant words and diamond rings
With my
Lion I can rule the world
Nobody now calls me a little girl
Chocolate castles and candy stars
Mama thinks higher of men at the bars
Maybe it's time now to open the door
Maybe this time she'll be the china on my floor.

Wake up
My loves
It's a beautiful time
Good for being broken and made to die
Singsong sweetness, and it's such a sight
When they forget their "love" and they leave the light

Mama wants such vicious things
vacant words and diamond rings
With my
Lion I can rule the world
Nobody now calls me a little girl
Chocolate castles and candy stars
Mama thinks higher of men at the bars
Maybe it's time now to open the door
Maybe this time she'll be the china on my floor.

---

Critiques would be appreciated very much on here and on Youtube.

t3hplatyz0rz · 02-01-2010, 12:43 PM

I'm on a public computer, so I can't use Youtube, but just based off of your lyrics I'd say that you have some good ideas.
Is this about someone who... is violent towards her mum?
I mean, when I think of china on the floor, I think it's broken. Does this mean that, since "maybe this time she [the mom?] will be the china on my floor", that the child will "break" the mom?

Anyway, I think that some parts of it can be a little unclear, but that's not a bad thing. I think that you've got some very good lines, such as

Quote:

With my
Lion I can rule the world
Nobody now calls me a little girl
Chocolate castles and candy stars
Mama thinks higher of men at the bars

and also,

Quote:

It's a beautiful day
Good for being broken and fading away

.
But you also have some weaker lines, such as

Quote:

With my
Lion I can rule the world

I'm not saying that that's horrible or anything, but it seems a little bit random to be using this image of a lion. A lion generally reperesents courage, streingth, and power, and using this animal in particular doesn't seem to fit with the narrator's image of a "Chocolate castles and candy stars" kind of girl.

Keep it up! This is pretty cool stuff.

euphonies · 02-01-2010, 01:48 PM

Thanks! I appreciate it.

The song is about a girl with an abusive mother, but the last line of the chorus focuses on revenge.

Talking about the "lion" reference, it's because of the character the song is based on, but I'm in agreement that it doesn't quite fit. Any ideas for what might work, anybody?

02-01-2010, 11:37 AM	#1 (permalink)
euphonies Groupie Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Los Angeles, California Posts: 2	China On The Floor V1 This is my first post on Music Banter, by the by . I'm gonna stay using my handle here, but I like nicknames. These are the lyrics to a song I've posted for critique on Youtube. My username is "TheEuphonies." Wake up, My loves It's a beautiful day Good for being broken and fading away Porcelain and fabric, and it's such a show When they forget themselves and it's you that they throw Mama says it's a beautiful thing vacant words and diamond rings With my Lion I can rule the world Nobody now calls me a little girl Chocolate castles and candy stars Mama thinks higher of men at the bars Maybe it's time now to open the door Maybe this time she'll be the china on my floor. Wake up My loves It's a beautiful time Good for being broken and made to die Singsong sweetness, and it's such a sight When they forget their "love" and they leave the light Mama wants such vicious things vacant words and diamond rings With my Lion I can rule the world Nobody now calls me a little girl Chocolate castles and candy stars Mama thinks higher of men at the bars Maybe it's time now to open the door Maybe this time she'll be the china on my floor. --- Critiques would be appreciated very much on here and on Youtube.

02-01-2010, 01:48 PM	#3 (permalink)
euphonies Groupie Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Los Angeles, California Posts: 2	Thanks! I appreciate it. The song is about a girl with an abusive mother, but the last line of the chorus focuses on revenge. Talking about the "lion" reference, it's because of the character the song is based on, but I'm in agreement that it doesn't quite fit. Any ideas for what might work, anybody?