My First song!...(untitled at the moment!)

Katt · 01-27-2010, 02:27 PM

Hey! This is my first song i posted!
I love writing but I'd like to improve on my lyrics.
This is something I just made today.
I'm open to any suggestions!!!

Not too sure about a title yet either xP haha

[V1]
I’m a mountain, I can see,
Beyond the light of day.
I hear the rain and I feel it on me,
When it’s gone I'll be new again.
[V2]
I’ve been wrong before but I try,
To learn from my mistakes.
I may be afraid to love but I’ll learn
in time to open up inside.
[C]
Cause maybe I’m bigger than this is
I’m bigger than this is
I’m bigger than this is.
Mmm mmm mmm yeah
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
[V3]
I am me, and I’m lovely
I work hard to make the change.
I could go but I’d rather take in,
All that life has in store for me
[C]
Cause I’m bigger than this is
I’m bigger than this is
I’m bigger than this is.
Mmm mmm mmm yeah
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
[Bridge/Outtro]
I can do whatever I want to
I can be whoever I want to
I can dream whatever i want to
I am me and thats all i need

I’ll do whatever I want to
I’ll be whoever I want to
I’ll dream whatever i want to
I am me and i’m all i need

t3hplatyz0rz · 01-27-2010, 07:05 PM

I think that some parts seem extremely kids-book-ish cliche. I also think that you should focus more on the history of the singer. What goals are they trying to accomplish, which requires so much determination? Is it just loneliness?

Ger5005 · 02-06-2010, 07:59 PM

What kind of audience would you be aiming at?

dedicated · 02-19-2010, 08:44 PM

not a bad start at all. i think there pretty good. I can see these being a bit childish in a way. It's not hard for me to picture this being on like a Miley Cyrus CD. But still a pretty good song, anyway

01-27-2010, 02:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
Katt Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 1	My First song!...(untitled at the moment!) Hey! This is my first song i posted! I love writing but I'd like to improve on my lyrics. This is something I just made today. I'm open to any suggestions!!! Not too sure about a title yet either xP haha [V1] I’m a mountain, I can see, Beyond the light of day. I hear the rain and I feel it on me, When it’s gone I'll be new again. [V2] I’ve been wrong before but I try, To learn from my mistakes. I may be afraid to love but I’ll learn in time to open up inside. [C] Cause maybe I’m bigger than this is I’m bigger than this is I’m bigger than this is. Mmm mmm mmm yeah Mmm mmm mmm mmm [V3] I am me, and I’m lovely I work hard to make the change. I could go but I’d rather take in, All that life has in store for me [C] Cause I’m bigger than this is I’m bigger than this is I’m bigger than this is. Mmm mmm mmm yeah Mmm mmm mmm mmm [Bridge/Outtro] I can do whatever I want to I can be whoever I want to I can dream whatever i want to I am me and thats all i need I’ll do whatever I want to I’ll be whoever I want to I’ll dream whatever i want to I am me and i’m all i need

01-27-2010, 07:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
t3hplatyz0rz Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In the moment Posts: 102	I think that some parts seem extremely kids-book-ish cliche. I also think that you should focus more on the history of the singer. What goals are they trying to accomplish, which requires so much determination? Is it just loneliness?

02-06-2010, 07:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ger5005 Groupie Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 6	What kind of audience would you be aiming at?

02-19-2010, 08:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
dedicated Groupie Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 18	not a bad start at all. i think there pretty good. I can see these being a bit childish in a way. It's not hard for me to picture this being on like a Miley Cyrus CD. But still a pretty good song, anyway