What'sNext's Songs

What'sNext? · 01-25-2010, 10:50 AM

I've been writing songs for a while now, and this one isn't the best, I know. It has some week spots and I'd love any suggestions on how it can be improved. Thanks for your time.

The songs starts pretty fast, but at the second part of each verses, it cuts in half and speeds back up at the Chorus. (I know that was really poorly explained)
Verse 1:
The joint I'm smoking smells like a bear
The rest of the guys chase their careers

But I'm Floating on a cloud
My head's too light to be too proud

Chorus:
But as I fall from heavens fields
I pass my past and drop my sheild
And nothing is real
It's not a worship, more a warning
Where will I be in the morning?

Verse 2:
In Your eyes I see the fear
What you think you see is shear

Craziness, it's just as well
'Cause crazy's fun so what the Hell

Chorus

BillyShears · 01-25-2010, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by What'sNext?

I've been writing songs for a while now, and this one isn't the best, I know. It has some week spots and I'd love any suggestions on how it can be improved. Thanks for your time.

The songs starts pretty fast, but at the second part of each verses, it cuts in half and speeds back up at the Chorus. (I know that was really poorly explained)
Verse 1:
The joint I'm smoking smells like a bear
The rest of the guys chase their careers

But I'm Floating on a cloud
My head's too light to be too proud

Chorus:
But as I fall from heavens fields
I pass my past and drop my sheild
And nothing is real
It's not a worship, more a warning
Where will I be in the morning?

Verse 2:
In Your eyes I see the fear
What you think you see is shear

Craziness, it's just as well
'Cause crazy's fun so what the Hell

Chorus

Good stuff, I don't know what Shear is supposed to mean. Could be a bit longer.

What'sNext? · 01-25-2010, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillyShears

Good stuff, I don't know what Shear is supposed to mean. Could be a bit longer.

Oops. Typo. It's supposed to be "What you think you see is sheer craziness it's just as well..."

Thanks for catching that. And ya, I want to make it longer. There's also some instrumental stuff in there.

BillyShears · 01-25-2010, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by What'sNext?

Oops. Typo. It's supposed to be "What you think you see is sheer craziness it's just as well..."

Thanks for catching that. And ya, I want to make it longer. There's also some instrumental stuff in there.

Alright, cool.

What'sNext? · 01-26-2010, 07:06 PM

I don't have a title or second verse for this yet. Also, the chorus is a bit week. Any suggestion would be appreciated.

Verse:
She grabs her coat
She slaps my face
I'm taking too long
Coming on too strong
I'm a disgrace.

She wipes a tear from her face
She's storming out
She says I'm wrong but still don't know just what about

Pre-Chorus
Maybe I'm wrong
Maybe you are right
Did I confuse your desire?
Your desire for a fight

Chorus:
Is that what you think would make me love you?
As long as you love me too
Is that what you think would make me love you?
Well baby, I'm all over you

What'sNext? · 01-26-2010, 07:12 PM

I don't have a name for this one either. It seems kind of stupid without a melody, but I still like this one.

I know there's something goin' on
I sing you song after songs after song
At the end of the day, you pretend it never was
But my hearts still broken because I don't know

You say that no one would even care
You proceed to pulling out your hair
In the end you deny you share his blood
But my heart's still broken cause I know

Mick · 01-26-2010, 07:20 PM

Not bad. A little bit corny at times though.

What'sNext? · 02-10-2010, 06:26 PM

I know that it's a weird song, but it sound good when our band plays it. I just need to finish up the lyrics and name it. Any suggestions?

Verse 1:
You know that it's sad when you're feeling nostalgic
for the devil you sent away
Her cries and her screams, they haunted your dreams
but a new one's moved in all day
And she says:

Chorus:
"Give me your money"
You demon child
She looks so pretty 'til she turns so wild

Chorus

Verse 2:
Life is fine
Full of colors and wine
But it all depends on you
On any given day,
There's still no way
We could ever teach you what is true
And and you cry:

Verse 3:
She's believes in no one
And it's who does
It's an obsession if ever there was one
I'm not above being human
But I'm not above having fun
Chorus
Chorus

t3hplatyz0rz · 02-10-2010, 07:16 PM

Why do you need any more?
You've made your point. Maybe, musically, a bridge would be nice, something with a different feel. But you've got enough stuff here. Short and sweet can be good.
But, whatever happens, keep writing. If you're not happy with it, keep writing until you are. Go through as many drafts as you need to. It doesn't even matter if they're good.

But if you need some inspiration, you could kill the character. I suggest a ninja.

What'sNext? · 02-11-2010, 01:29 PM

Thanks for that suggestion. I'm dead serious. I couldn't think of a way to end a song so I turned the girl into a ninja who kills her boyfriend. No joke.

01-25-2010, 10:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
What'sNext? Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 28	What'sNext's Songs I've been writing songs for a while now, and this one isn't the best, I know. It has some week spots and I'd love any suggestions on how it can be improved. Thanks for your time. The songs starts pretty fast, but at the second part of each verses, it cuts in half and speeds back up at the Chorus. (I know that was really poorly explained) Verse 1: The joint I'm smoking smells like a bear The rest of the guys chase their careers But I'm Floating on a cloud My head's too light to be too proud Chorus: But as I fall from heavens fields I pass my past and drop my sheild And nothing is real It's not a worship, more a warning Where will I be in the morning? Verse 2: In Your eyes I see the fear What you think you see is shear Craziness, it's just as well 'Cause crazy's fun so what the Hell Chorus __________________ We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next?

01-26-2010, 07:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
What'sNext? Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 28	I don't have a title or second verse for this yet. Also, the chorus is a bit week. Any suggestion would be appreciated. Verse: She grabs her coat She slaps my face I'm taking too long Coming on too strong I'm a disgrace. She wipes a tear from her face She's storming out She says I'm wrong but still don't know just what about Pre-Chorus Maybe I'm wrong Maybe you are right Did I confuse your desire? Your desire for a fight Chorus: Is that what you think would make me love you? As long as you love me too Is that what you think would make me love you? Well baby, I'm all over you __________________ We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next?

01-26-2010, 07:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
What'sNext? Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 28	I don't have a name for this one either. It seems kind of stupid without a melody, but I still like this one. I know there's something goin' on I sing you song after songs after song At the end of the day, you pretend it never was But my hearts still broken because I don't know You say that no one would even care You proceed to pulling out your hair In the end you deny you share his blood But my heart's still broken cause I know __________________ We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next? Last edited by What'sNext?; 03-20-2010 at 10:27 AM.

01-26-2010, 07:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mick Antidisestablishmentarian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 86	Not bad. A little bit corny at times though. __________________ "I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley

02-10-2010, 06:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
What'sNext? Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 28	I know that it's a weird song, but it sound good when our band plays it. I just need to finish up the lyrics and name it. Any suggestions? Verse 1: You know that it's sad when you're feeling nostalgic for the devil you sent away Her cries and her screams, they haunted your dreams but a new one's moved in all day And she says: Chorus: "Give me your money" You demon child She looks so pretty 'til she turns so wild Chorus Verse 2: Life is fine Full of colors and wine But it all depends on you On any given day, There's still no way We could ever teach you what is true And and you cry: Verse 3: She's believes in no one And it's who does It's an obsession if ever there was one I'm not above being human But I'm not above having fun Chorus Chorus __________________ We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next? Last edited by What'sNext?; 03-20-2010 at 10:30 AM.

02-11-2010, 01:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
What'sNext? Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 28	Thanks for that suggestion. I'm dead serious. I couldn't think of a way to end a song so I turned the girl into a ninja who kills her boyfriend. No joke. __________________ We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next?