BillyShears Songwriting Attempts

BillyShears · 02-10-2010, 02:22 PM

YOU MUST READ THE DESCRIPTION BEFORE YOU READ THE SONG (or you may believe I'm an idiot)

Here's one I'd like some input on! It's a joke song making fun of the people who right about the government in their songs whether or not they know what they're talking about. I think it needs more substance. Lyrical suggestions are appreciated.

I'm Making a Political Statement
though I don't understand it
I'm Making a Political Statement
seems this genre demands it

I don't really know what to think or say
so I'll yell that the government should just go away

I'm Making a Political Statement
about war and taxes and stuff
I'm Making a Political Statement
It doesn't matter if you've had enough

Who cares what they stand for?
It's cool to dislike them
let's knock down their doors!
we rebels resent them

What'sNext? · 02-10-2010, 06:32 PM

I like the first few verse the best. The rest is good, too, but the first section was a little better.

t3hplatyz0rz · 02-10-2010, 07:31 PM

I think that, once again, your annotations were completely pointless. Anybody could tell that it was making fun of obligatory political shouts. It's pretty much every third word which proves it.
I think you messed up on one line by going a little bit overboard. "I may be mis-informed but our leaders suck" doesn't really work because it's too blatant.
I think that it was very good. I know how those songs are... I've written several of them. I luv these short and conceptual songs. The reason is you really can't go wrong with them.
Good job!

BillyShears · 02-10-2010, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t3hplatyz0rz

I think that, once again, your annotations were completely pointless. Anybody could tell that it was making fun of obligatory political shouts. It's pretty much every third word which proves it.
I think you messed up on one line by going a little bit overboard. "I may be mis-informed but our leaders suck" doesn't really work because it's too blatant.
I think that it was very good. I know how those songs are... I've written several of them. I luv these short and conceptual songs. The reason is you really can't go wrong with them.
Good job!

eh, I wasn't going to do any explaining, but I figured that there's always a stupid person somewhere out there...

BillyShears · 02-11-2010, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by What'sNext?

I like the first few verse the best. The rest is good, too, but the first section was a little better.

Of which song? In the City or The Political Statement song?

What'sNext? · 02-12-2010, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillyShears

Of which song? In the City or The Political Statement song?

In the city.

What'sNext? · 02-16-2010, 03:33 PM

I like the change you've made to the Political Statement Song, t3hplatyz0rz was right, it works much better without rhyming with suck.

BillyShears · 02-19-2010, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by On ASunnyDay

So hey, this is some pretty amazing stuff you've got going on,

Keep it up! and I'd like to see some new stuff up here bud,

I've got one that I'll be putting up in a while, and another in the works.

On ASunnyDay · 02-27-2010, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillyShears

I've got one that I'll be putting up in a while, and another in the works.

That's good! Facebook message me when its up! You're really good at writing!

BillyShears · 03-04-2010, 06:20 PM

Their Crowd

What's this you say?
It's an exercise in futility
I practice twice a week to stay in shape

I'm trying to show I'm a human
though not important in their eyes
I'm equal to them
not another meaningless face

They keep me around 'cause they know
I'm good for a joke or two
they try to hide who they really are
but the masks come off and the abuse comes off once they've
had a few

They act satisfied with their lives
but they know what they've got
isn't where it lies

they're always tryin' to hide their sighs
but I can tell they're aware that they're
on the outside

their wealth and oppurtunity
came at a cost
and while we know where we\re going
they're hopelessly lost

when we've grown older
children riding on our shoulders
they'll feel weighed down in this world,
carrying the weight of a boulder

I hate them but it should be pity that I'm feeling
because when they're youth is over
the real world will have them reeling

02-10-2010, 02:22 PM	#21 (permalink)
BillyShears Instrumental Octopus Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 65	YOU MUST READ THE DESCRIPTION BEFORE YOU READ THE SONG (or you may believe I'm an idiot) Here's one I'd like some input on! It's a joke song making fun of the people who right about the government in their songs whether or not they know what they're talking about. I think it needs more substance. Lyrical suggestions are appreciated. I'm Making a Political Statement though I don't understand it I'm Making a Political Statement seems this genre demands it I don't really know what to think or say so I'll yell that the government should just go away I'm Making a Political Statement about war and taxes and stuff I'm Making a Political Statement It doesn't matter if you've had enough Who cares what they stand for? It's cool to dislike them let's knock down their doors! we rebels resent them __________________ What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape. Last edited by BillyShears; 02-13-2010 at 04:05 PM.

02-10-2010, 06:32 PM	#22 (permalink)
What'sNext? Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 28	I like the first few verse the best. The rest is good, too, but the first section was a little better. __________________ We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next?

02-16-2010, 03:33 PM	#27 (permalink)
What'sNext? Groupie Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 28	I like the change you've made to the Political Statement Song, t3hplatyz0rz was right, it works much better without rhyming with suck. __________________ We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next?

03-04-2010, 06:20 PM	#30 (permalink)
BillyShears Instrumental Octopus Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 65	Their Crowd What's this you say? It's an exercise in futility I practice twice a week to stay in shape I'm trying to show I'm a human though not important in their eyes I'm equal to them not another meaningless face They keep me around 'cause they know I'm good for a joke or two they try to hide who they really are but the masks come off and the abuse comes off once they've had a few They act satisfied with their lives but they know what they've got isn't where it lies they're always tryin' to hide their sighs but I can tell they're aware that they're on the outside their wealth and oppurtunity came at a cost and while we know where we\re going they're hopelessly lost when we've grown older children riding on our shoulders they'll feel weighed down in this world, carrying the weight of a boulder I hate them but it should be pity that I'm feeling because when they're youth is over the real world will have them reeling __________________ What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.