Originally Posted by t3hplatyz0rz

I think that this is overall some pretty good lyrics. But I think that their placement could have been better. It seems to me that you use the chorus 4 times throughout the song, and the verse only 2 times, plus a little tiny bridge. I think that people will get tired of hearing the chorus so many times. I would advise you to write more verses.
This isn't to say that it's the end of the world. If you've spaced out the choruses and verses and stuff with lots of solos and instrumentals, then it would probably work too.

You're writing about a universal theme, which is good. I think that people often think love songs are cliche, but I disagree. There are some things which just don't become cliche.