duga

i'm keepng this thread alive so you have to post something new soon.

good stuff...keep writing!

__________________
Confusion will be my epitaph...

Sansa Stark

Thankssss! <3

heres a few more I guess:

twenty four hour count down to thirty
and maybe split, scratch for
everything, scratch forward,
little mistress of tomorrow,
please spend yourself wisely,
and common sense will pay your skill,
to decadence you were contained,
this ignorance, so well explained,
and following, is the vapors and
doom unto which you fall, and
no one can make you scream louder,
not like it goes beneath the skin, it's open
to no other, and spit becomes this,
if you weren't so evil you would know,
and all the songs
come out to saws, just to drift away
with the sounds, if I'm a sinner
it would go softer, but they're all deaf.
And I know by your singing and laughter,
you've been here too,
count your feet among mine.
So we laugh at each other,
caricatures of dignity between,
and the similarities mark up a tally,
so tall you can't ignore,
like skyscrapers, the wise are static too,
killing time is on the watch,
as clocks would say,
it's terrible
--------------------------------------------------
On to Venus of the high seas,
a wind will come back to me,
the window breaks its panes,
all is glitter on the glass,
talking on
endlessly, celebrations of effort,
shake its pains.
Gone, and on a song,
without wings,
flash.
Ice cut and
burn us,
the brutal and bizarre.
And the sun
will come out,
in only a few tomorrows.
And choose to follow through,
those nights of open pages
tall, pushing, falling.
----------------------------------------
And I know this number makes up for nothingbut I can pretend and your insides marr my skin, and the burn goes farther than anything
and this wave, this wave overcomes me, but watch me learn to swim in it, if anything to hold against the tide and all sworn in, as magnets seem to rust

and tho, so is far, then I could not reach out to you, no long armed son of a gun, not me, so I reach beneath, the dirt become, under the sky,I know your bones, even if I don't know mine, and I crawled on my belly just to watch you shine.

A lot happens in a night where I give you the wrong number and we know all about that touch, I don't want this and I never know how it starts.If you strap me to this city there is nothing that could save you.
-----------


This is probably going to embarass me in a bit.

Sansa Stark

bumpp

Arya Stark

Love.
I really do love your writing.

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

Sansa Stark

Aww thank you

storymilo

Paloma....

I like your writing, even though I'm too lazy and tired to read it all. Keep it up, and many other motivational phrases.

OceanAndSilence

you have any music to go with these, mistress?

__________________
http://www.myspace.com/chrisneto - tune in to chill out

Arya Stark

I want you to say THAT in your accent. o.o

__________________

MB Journal.
Azucar y Especia. My blog.

t3hplatyz0rz

I'm not sure I like the way that you phrase your lines in the one which starts "On Venus of the high seas..." because it seems that you have ideas which are clearly single, complete, sentances, and yet you break them up. This makes me want to view fragments like "talking on" as if they are complete ideas, which they aren't.
On the other hand, virtually every modern poet I know breaks they're lines up similarly, and most of them know more than me. I think that breaking up lines like that can also give it a specific flow, but it really isn't that important.

On your next poem, you have the opposite thing going on. You group tons and tons of ideas into one line. This gives it an extremely rushed, frantic feeling. I like that a lot, but it is somewhat annoying that you've got so many ideas just lumped together like that.

Oh, and I'm assuming that, because your poems are so unclear, you are like my sister and you try to make poems that are like an abstract painting, without events, with little but concealed meaning, and which, above all, create an atmosphere.
Therefore, reviewing the content of the poems would be a waste of time.

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Sansa Stark

Unfortunately no. One of my exes tried to put music to one of my older ones, and I was piiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssed

x2

Wrong.