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01-23-2010, 06:07 AM
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#21 (permalink) | |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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01-25-2010, 04:54 AM
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#22 (permalink) |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Something new, another song...
Residue
- VERSE 1 - Green growth and the fading illumination, peering through this rusted machine Entangling the bruise, left by cold hands… Left in this waking moment and marked forevermore Green growth, with vines of thorn Reminders that remain As the dark seeps through… Your shadow sinks further - CHORUS 1 - Within a mind A story for another time One not told (never told) Within a mind Never spoken of again Ever again - VERSE 2 - White flower blooming with renewed determination Break free of your machine Don’t hide the scars, don’t you turn away… Leave this place forgotten and barren forevermore White flower blooms, upon vines of thorn Reminders that remain As the light grows strong Your shadow fades faster - CHORUS 1 - (x2) - BRIDGE - This industrial nightmare of a cold city Your streets beckon you Calling you back But your rusted cell, a prison-hold no more… and it holds you no more Green growth and your white flower Calls from the forest The strongest echo for you now… - CHORUS 2 - (x2) Within a mind A story told one time Within this moment… your moment arrives Speak this again Forever once more - OUTRO - Your rusted cell, a prison-hold no more… and it holds you no more Green growth and your white flower Calls from the forest The strongest echo for you now… The strongest echo for you now Last edited by DiSTANToblivion; 01-25-2010 at 10:31 AM. |
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03-02-2010, 06:34 AM
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#23 (permalink) |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Older song, haven't posted anything in a while
The Mirror Lies
- VERSE 1 - Sit, soaked amongst your vanity Stay warm, and lay with your insanity The swarm is eating you from the inside… You’ve broken promises before What makes you think you won’t do it anymore? Cut to the core... I’m sure… you know by now What’s headed your way - CHORUS - The mirror lies, before you Before you leave… You will know Your mirror lies for you Your mirror lies only for you - VERSE 2 - Live, a lie using your cracked mirror Look through and pray it gets better This time has been unfair to you… You’ve broken promises before What makes you think you won’t do it anymore? Cut to the core... I’m sure… you know by now What’s headed your way What’s headed your way now… - CHORUS - (x2) - BRIDGE - You’ve broken promises before What makes you think you won’t do it anymore? Cut to the core... I’m sure… you know by now What’s headed your way What’s headed your way now… - CHORUS - (x2) |
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03-20-2010, 09:23 AM
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#24 (permalink) |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Song...
In Silence
- VERSE 1 - Within a lost, hidden meaning internal truths never letting out Never will I speak as these words drag on My voice… it grows so weak In this silent comfort - PRE-CHORUS - Tell myself, I know what I want now An indecisive choice All along a branching path (and onward…) Onward into a destiny unknown - CHORUS - Tell myself To let it out Tell myself To let it out Tell myself… I’m not scared of this truth now - VERSE 2 - Within a silence, filled with voices your soft voice sounds Enticing my words and these words drag on My heart… it grows weak In this familiar comfort - PRE-CHORUS 2 - Tell myself, I know what I want now A decisive choice All along a branching path (and onward…) Onward into a destiny unknown Into a destiny unknown… - CHORUS - (x2) - BRIDGE - Would I, Trip and stumble across the conversation Across this conversation… I’m not scared Of this truth now… - PRE-CHORUS 2 - - CHORUS - (x2) |
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03-22-2010, 06:30 PM
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#25 (permalink) | ||
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Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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Quote:
My favorite lines are in bold above because they express self-doubt and perhaps self-loathing very efficiently. Plus, I like the ominousness of wondering what is heading the person's way. What *is* heading the person's way? My guess is that the song is about someone with an eating disorder, where the person (probably a woman, though men can having eating disorders, too) has promised herself before, looking with hopeless vanity at herself in the cracked mirror, that she won't give into the urge to starve/binge/vomit...but she has failed, and knows she will again? Since the Bridge is a repetition of the second verse's second stanza, I felt there was more repetition than necessary in the song. I would prefer to see the Bridge add or explain new information rather than just repeat a pre-chorus. I am curious now: what was the subject you had in mind when you wrote this song? ~ Erica
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03-23-2010, 08:24 AM
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#26 (permalink) | |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Quote:
 Truthfully, the subject matter is about self-image and low self esteem. I wanted the song to sound like I was referring to many different afflictions people suffer from when they see themselves. Though I was worried that I'd make it sound like I'm attacking vanity. It's true, I hate when people focus on the outside but there are some serious things that people go through that others will never see. Media has easily made this a huge concern, everything in magazines and TV, they all depict what a 'perfect' person should look like. If only there was a mirror out there that showed a person for who they truly are. They done something similar in the movie 'Shallow Hal', I don't think every 'good looking' person out there would be ugly inside though. I just think everyone should, in the end, just be themselves... What might be heading the persons way? Another endless cycle of insecurity? I've been around people that, even after they overcome what they've hated in themselves before, would still find something new to target again. That seems spiteful though. They might not see the light at the end of tunnel and think that they have no way out, that they'll always be unhappy? I don't want to think that way, I always like knowing that there is some hope, no matter how small. That bridge really does have to go... I'm not sure what to replace it with though? I may just have to scrap it all together, anything that I say in the bridge has been said before and it's repetition renders it meaningless. Thanks again Erica. You always have the best responses and critique, I always wait to see if you reply to a song or poem I post. Thank you so much. 
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03-23-2010, 09:45 AM
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#27 (permalink) | ||
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Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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Quote:
Unending self-criticism is an awful downward spiraling state to be in (I know from experience). I found the only way out was to stop wishing to gain others' good opinions and, like you say, just accept being myself. Doing this, though, takes getting to the point where you value your own judgement and realize that your own opinion is just as valid and important as someone else's. (This doesn't mean you can't listen to other people's opinions and let them shape your own when you see validity in them.) During my early 20s I was very hard on myself...I naively thought that if I were thinner, more beautiful, more this, more that, relationships might work out better, people might value me more. Eventually I figured out that the key (for me) to happiness is loving myself as I am and not needing others' approval, though it is nice to have. If people are unkind to you, no amount of work on your exterior will make things better...and besides, if it *did*, those people weren't and probably would never be true friends anyway. What got me to finally stop turning to others to help bolster my self-worth was experiencing time and again when relationships went bad that it was much better to be alone than to be with someone with whom I felt lonely. I learned that, though the feelings sucked for a while, I could survive relationship break-ups and feel stable again. Getting to the point where I didn't *need* others helped free me from needing their approval. Heh heh...I still like hearing, though, that I'm giving you good critiques! Perhaps that is *my* vanity showing itself! 
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Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 03-23-2010 at 09:53 AM. |
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03-24-2010, 03:51 AM
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#28 (permalink) | |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Quote:
The things I put in bold with what you said, I can't agree enough. |
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03-24-2010, 07:09 AM
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#29 (permalink) |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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Song...
This one is very personal... umm... I wasn't going to post it. Just wrote it now because I'm not feeling the best. So... here it is
 Past, Present, Future - VERSE 1 - Make this go on forever, never tell me it’s over In this timely comfort In this timely moment Happiness burns brightest, and brighter still Leave the flame alight, and never let it fade… - PRE-CHORUS - But oh no… I cannot stay Although I will not leave, this has to end… I know I know… - CHORUS 1 - This time… Best moments of my life, but then the music is over (the music is over) - VERSE 2 - Ride home once more, lived this life once before For one time, one more moment For one more comfort Happiness flickers in silence, and remains calmly still Leave the flame alight, and never let it fade… - PRE-CHORUS - - CHORUS 1 - (x2) - BRIDGE - Now I know… I cannot stay Although I must now leave, it wont end I know I know… These moments stay with me These moments stay with me… Although I must now leave, it wont end I know I know… - CHORUS 2 - (x3) This time… Best moments of my life, and the music plays once again (I hear it forever) - OUTRO – Make this go on forever, never tell me it’s over… |
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03-28-2010, 06:05 AM
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#30 (permalink) |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 505
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You're moving so fast,
the world loses its focus An image An icon as the colour fades One less soul, in a soulless love An unused heart is starting to break A part of the plan, laid out for you To move on, to move on Now the image sets upon one more soul (something I just couldn't finish...) |
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