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Old 01-23-2010, 05:07 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by t3hplatyz0rz View Post
I don't think that the last one needs to be that much longer. There are some really, really good songs which have very, very minimalist lyrics.

Let's take "Is there Anybody Out There" by Pink Floyd.
Good point hey, I tend to go a little overboard sometimes.
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Old 01-25-2010, 03:54 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Something new, another song...

Residue

- VERSE 1 -
Green growth and the fading illumination,
peering through this rusted machine
Entangling the bruise, left by cold hands…
Left in this waking moment
and marked forevermore

Green growth,
with vines of thorn
Reminders that remain
As the dark seeps through…
Your shadow sinks further

- CHORUS 1 -
Within a mind
A story for another time
One not told (never told)
Within a mind
Never spoken of again
Ever again

- VERSE 2 -
White flower blooming with renewed determination
Break free of your machine
Don’t hide the scars, don’t you turn away…
Leave this place forgotten
and barren forevermore

White flower blooms,
upon vines of thorn
Reminders that remain
As the light grows strong
Your shadow fades faster

- CHORUS 1 - (x2)

- BRIDGE -
This industrial nightmare of a cold city
Your streets beckon you
Calling you back

But your rusted cell,
a prison-hold no more…
and it holds you no more

Green growth and your white flower
Calls from the forest
The strongest echo for you now…

- CHORUS 2 - (x2)
Within a mind
A story told one time
Within this moment…
your moment arrives
Speak this again
Forever once more

- OUTRO -
Your rusted cell,
a prison-hold no more…
and it holds you no more

Green growth and your white flower
Calls from the forest
The strongest echo for you now…
The strongest echo for you now
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Last edited by DiSTANToblivion; 01-25-2010 at 09:31 AM.
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Old 03-02-2010, 05:34 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Older song, haven't posted anything in a while

The Mirror Lies

- VERSE 1 -
Sit, soaked
amongst your vanity
Stay warm, and lay with your insanity
The swarm is
eating you from the inside…

You’ve broken promises before
What makes you think you won’t do it anymore?
Cut to the core...
I’m sure…
you know by now
What’s headed your way

- CHORUS -
The mirror lies,
before you
Before you leave…
You will know
Your mirror lies for you
Your mirror lies only for you

- VERSE 2 -
Live, a lie
using your cracked mirror
Look through and pray it gets better
This time has
been unfair to you…

You’ve broken promises before
What makes you think you won’t do it anymore?
Cut to the core...
I’m sure…
you know by now
What’s headed your way
What’s headed your way now…

- CHORUS - (x2)

- BRIDGE -
You’ve broken promises before
What makes you think you won’t do it anymore?
Cut to the core...
I’m sure…
you know by now
What’s headed your way
What’s headed your way now…

- CHORUS - (x2)
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Old 03-20-2010, 08:23 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Song...

In Silence

- VERSE 1 -
Within a lost, hidden meaning
internal truths never letting out
Never will I speak
as these words drag on
My voice…
it grows so weak
In this silent comfort

- PRE-CHORUS -
Tell myself, I know what I want now
An indecisive choice
All along a branching path
(and onward…)
Onward into a destiny unknown

- CHORUS -
Tell myself
To let it out
Tell myself
To let it out
Tell myself…
I’m not scared of this truth now

- VERSE 2 -
Within a silence, filled with voices
your soft voice sounds
Enticing my words
and these words drag on
My heart…
it grows weak
In this familiar comfort

- PRE-CHORUS 2 -
Tell myself, I know what I want now
A decisive choice
All along a branching path
(and onward…)
Onward into a destiny unknown
Into a destiny unknown…

- CHORUS - (x2)

- BRIDGE -
Would I,
Trip and stumble
across the conversation

Across this conversation…

I’m not scared
Of this truth now…

- PRE-CHORUS 2 -

- CHORUS - (x2)
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:30 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiSTANToblivion View Post
The Mirror Lies

- VERSE 1 -
Sit, soaked
amongst your vanity
Stay warm, and lay with your insanity
The swarm is
eating you from the inside…

You’ve broken promises before
What makes you think you won’t do it anymore?

Cut to the core...
I’m sure…
you know by now
What’s headed your way

- CHORUS -
The mirror lies,
before you
Before you leave…
You will know
Your mirror lies for you
Your mirror lies only for you

- VERSE 2 -
Live, a lie
using your cracked mirror
Look through and pray it gets better
This time has
been unfair to you…

You’ve broken promises before
What makes you think you won’t do it anymore?
Cut to the core...
I’m sure…
you know by now
What’s headed your way
What’s headed your way now…

- CHORUS - (x2)

- BRIDGE -
You’ve broken promises before
What makes you think you won’t do it anymore?
Cut to the core...
I’m sure…
you know by now
What’s headed your way
What’s headed your way now…

- CHORUS - (x2)
Hi DiSTANToblivion,

My favorite lines are in bold above because they express self-doubt and perhaps self-loathing very efficiently. Plus, I like the ominousness of wondering what is heading the person's way. What *is* heading the person's way?

My guess is that the song is about someone with an eating disorder, where the person (probably a woman, though men can having eating disorders, too) has promised herself before, looking with hopeless vanity at herself in the cracked mirror, that she won't give into the urge to starve/binge/vomit...but she has failed, and knows she will again?

Since the Bridge is a repetition of the second verse's second stanza, I felt there was more repetition than necessary in the song. I would prefer to see the Bridge add or explain new information rather than just repeat a pre-chorus.

I am curious now: what was the subject you had in mind when you wrote this song?

~ Erica
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Old 03-23-2010, 07:24 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Hi DiSTANToblivion,

My favorite lines are in bold above because they express self-doubt and perhaps self-loathing very efficiently. Plus, I like the ominousness of wondering what is heading the person's way. What *is* heading the person's way?

My guess is that the song is about someone with an eating disorder, where the person (probably a woman, though men can having eating disorders, too) has promised herself before, looking with hopeless vanity at herself in the cracked mirror, that she won't give into the urge to starve/binge/vomit...but she has failed, and knows she will again?

Since the Bridge is a repetition of the second verse's second stanza, I felt there was more repetition than necessary in the song. I would prefer to see the Bridge add or explain new information rather than just repeat a pre-chorus.

I am curious now: what was the subject you had in mind when you wrote this song?

~ Erica
Like always Erica you are absolutely spot on with your interpretation.

Truthfully, the subject matter is about self-image and low self esteem. I wanted the song to sound like I was referring to many different afflictions people suffer from when they see themselves. Though I was worried that I'd make it sound like I'm attacking vanity. It's true, I hate when people focus on the outside but there are some serious things that people go through that others will never see. Media has easily made this a huge concern, everything in magazines and TV, they all depict what a 'perfect' person should look like. If only there was a mirror out there that showed a person for who they truly are. They done something similar in the movie 'Shallow Hal', I don't think every 'good looking' person out there would be ugly inside though. I just think everyone should, in the end, just be themselves...

What might be heading the persons way? Another endless cycle of insecurity? I've been around people that, even after they overcome what they've hated in themselves before, would still find something new to target again. That seems spiteful though. They might not see the light at the end of tunnel and think that they have no way out, that they'll always be unhappy? I don't want to think that way, I always like knowing that there is some hope, no matter how small.

That bridge really does have to go... I'm not sure what to replace it with though? I may just have to scrap it all together, anything that I say in the bridge has been said before and it's repetition renders it meaningless.

Thanks again Erica. You always have the best responses and critique, I always wait to see if you reply to a song or poem I post. Thank you so much.
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Old 03-23-2010, 08:45 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by DiSTANToblivion View Post
Like always Erica you are absolutely spot on with your interpretation.

Truthfully, the subject matter is about self-image and low self esteem. I wanted the song to sound like I was referring to many different afflictions people suffer from when they see themselves. Though I was worried that I'd make it sound like I'm attacking vanity. It's true, I hate when people focus on the outside but there are some serious things that people go through that others will never see. Media has easily made this a huge concern, everything in magazines and TV, they all depict what a 'perfect' person should look like. If only there was a mirror out there that showed a person for who they truly are. They done something similar in the movie 'Shallow Hal', I don't think every 'good looking' person out there would be ugly inside though. I just think everyone should, in the end, just be themselves...

What might be heading the persons way? Another endless cycle of insecurity? I've been around people that, even after they overcome what they've hated in themselves before, would still find something new to target again. That seems spiteful though. They might not see the light at the end of tunnel and think that they have no way out, that they'll always be unhappy? I don't want to think that way, I always like knowing that there is some hope, no matter how small.

Thanks again Erica. You always have the best responses and critique, I always wait to see if you reply to a song or poem I post. Thank you so much.
I'm glad I got the main point of your lyrics, DiSTANToblivion! I've been meaning to comment on others, too. I like trying to figure out their meaning. I liked reading this song in particular because it has personal significance to me. You are very welcome for my critique!

Unending self-criticism is an awful downward spiraling state to be in (I know from experience). I found the only way out was to stop wishing to gain others' good opinions and, like you say, just accept being myself. Doing this, though, takes getting to the point where you value your own judgement and realize that your own opinion is just as valid and important as someone else's. (This doesn't mean you can't listen to other people's opinions and let them shape your own when you see validity in them.)

During my early 20s I was very hard on myself...I naively thought that if I were thinner, more beautiful, more this, more that, relationships might work out better, people might value me more.

Eventually I figured out that the key (for me) to happiness is loving myself as I am and not needing others' approval, though it is nice to have.
If people are unkind to you, no amount of work on your exterior will make things better...and besides, if it *did*, those people weren't and probably would never be true friends anyway.

What got me to finally stop turning to others to help bolster my self-worth was experiencing time and again when relationships went bad that it was much better to be alone than to be with someone with whom I felt lonely. I learned that, though the feelings sucked for a while, I could survive relationship break-ups and feel stable again. Getting to the point where I didn't *need* others helped free me from needing their approval.

Heh heh...I still like hearing, though, that I'm giving you good critiques! Perhaps that is *my* vanity showing itself!
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Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 03-23-2010 at 08:53 AM.
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Old 03-24-2010, 02:51 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
I'm glad I got the main point of your lyrics, DiSTANToblivion! I've been meaning to comment on others, too. I like trying to figure out their meaning. I liked reading this song in particular because it has personal significance to me. You are very welcome for my critique!

Unending self-criticism is an awful downward spiraling state to be in (I know from experience). I found the only way out was to stop wishing to gain others' good opinions and, like you say, just accept being myself. Doing this, though, takes getting to the point where you value your own judgement and realize that your own opinion is just as valid and important as someone else's. (This doesn't mean you can't listen to other people's opinions and let them shape your own when you see validity in them.)

During my early 20s I was very hard on myself...I naively thought that if I were thinner, more beautiful, more this, more that, relationships might work out better, people might value me more.

Eventually I figured out that the key (for me) to happiness is loving myself as I am and not needing others' approval, though it is nice to have.
If people are unkind to you, no amount of work on your exterior will make things better...and besides, if it *did*, those people weren't and probably would never be true friends anyway.

What got me to finally stop turning to others to help bolster my self-worth was experiencing time and again when relationships went bad that it was much better to be alone than to be with someone with whom I felt lonely. I learned that, though the feelings sucked for a while, I could survive relationship break-ups and feel stable again. Getting to the point where I didn't *need* others helped free me from needing their approval.

Heh heh...I still like hearing, though, that I'm giving you good critiques! Perhaps that is *my* vanity showing itself!
I'm sorry to hear that you had a tough time growing up. It's those things that make us much, much stronger though. Through every hardship always lies an answer and a lesson to be learned. I don't think people can say that they haven't experienced times when they've felt helpless or low, everyone has. After talking to someone, they'll tell you that they wouldn't be the same person without going through those experience/s.

The things I put in bold with what you said, I can't agree enough.
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Old 03-24-2010, 06:09 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Song...

This one is very personal... umm... I wasn't going to post it. Just wrote it now because I'm not feeling the best. So... here it is

Past, Present, Future

- VERSE 1 -
Make this go on forever,
never tell me it’s over
In this timely comfort
In this timely moment
Happiness burns brightest,
and brighter still

Leave the flame alight,
and never let it fade…

- PRE-CHORUS -
But oh no…
I cannot stay
Although I will not leave,
this has to end…
I know
I know…

- CHORUS 1 -
This time…
Best moments of my life,
but then the music is over (the music is over)

- VERSE 2 -
Ride home once more,
lived this life once before
For one time, one more moment
For one more comfort
Happiness flickers in silence,
and remains calmly still

Leave the flame alight,
and never let it fade…

- PRE-CHORUS -

- CHORUS 1 - (x2)

- BRIDGE -
Now I know…
I cannot stay
Although I must now leave,
it wont end
I know
I know…

These moments stay with me
These moments stay with me…
Although I must now leave,
it wont end
I know
I know…

- CHORUS 2 - (x3)
This time…
Best moments of my life,
and the music plays once again (I hear it forever)

- OUTRO –
Make this go on forever,
never tell me it’s over…
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Old 03-28-2010, 05:05 AM   #30 (permalink)
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You're moving so fast,
the world loses its focus
An image
An icon
as the colour fades
One less soul, in a soulless love
An unused heart
is starting to break

A part of the plan,
laid out for you
To move on, to move on
Now the image sets upon
one more soul


(something I just couldn't finish...)
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